[I’m struggling to disclose to my husband]

@makepeacewithit @100918Thank you both! We’ve been going to therapy working through the other issues that have affected our marriage. Our next session I do plan to tell him.  The fear is definitely a crippling feeling but I think I’ve come to terms with whatever at this point is meant to be will be and either way I will be OK!  This isn’t the end for me and I know that. 

[Herpes in the Black Community]

17 hours ago, PhoenixRising_009 said:

@_a_rayofsunshine_ welcome, I hope you are finding the thread resourceful--I definitely did when I joined. I am sorry you had to go through such frustration; as hard as it is to get this virus diagnosed, you'd think there wouldn't be so much stigma around what you could go yearsss without ever knowing you have. 

I hate to sound as cliche as all the sites/articles/advice about disclosing, but the response truly is a reflection of that individuals character as well as their feelings toward you. It's not as if you withheld your diagnosis all this time, you did the healthiest and most practical thing you could: trust a health professional then get a second opinion if uncertain. If your partner can't respect or commend that then they're the unfortunate one.

If you both were able to work through blending your family, then I truly want to believe you all can make it through this. I really wish there was more information on the virus and better testing/testing recommendation because with it's like 0 negative health impact it should not have people feeling like it will end their relationship (trust me though, I had the same fears). 

Wishing you and your family the best. 

@PhoenixRising_009 Thank you for your kind words and encouragement! Definitely helps! 

[Herpes in the Black Community]

19 hours ago, _a_rayofsunshine_ said:

Just break it to him like you did it to us...that years ago the DR tested the bumps and it came back negative but now you are leaning more towards it being herpes. However, to avoid causing unnecessary stress in his life, go to your gyn and get the blood test and sores swabbed this time to confirm.

Thanks @_a_rayofsunshine_  I left that part out I guess. I did go get rechecked and it was confirmed. The Dr said sometimes false negatives can happen. I really did find it weird that I went so many years without any outbreaks but he did try to reassure me that it’s definitely possible. I could of also had symptoms and just attributed them to something else. At the time I was a lot smaller in weight, more overall healthy. In the past few years I’ve gained like 40lbs, definitely not active. I’m at the heaviest Ive ever been in my life. Ive had infertility issues which has taken a toll on me mentally and physically so obviously my  stress level has been extremely high, all reasons he said would cause for the outbreaks to reoccur. I just keep thinking about the life we’ve built. We have 3 kids between us but none together, which definitely put a strain on our relationship, and part of the main reason we lost our way in our marriage.  I know I shouldn’t but I feel like we’ve wasted so much of our lives due to a misdiagnosis. I’m slowly coming to terms with this but breaking it to him still scares me because I just keep thinking about all of the negative outcomes. 

[Herpes in the Black Community]

Hi everyone! Like so many others have said I’m really happy that I stumbled across this thread. I’m a 36yr old woman, 2 teenage kids. I’m currently separated from my husband, for other reasons but we’ve been married 7 years.

Starting from the beginning tho.  About 8 months (give or take) before we met. I noticed a small cluster of blisters on the inside of my thigh. I hadn’t been with anyone for atleast 6 months before that but I went to the Dr to figure out what was going on and almost immediately she says “ it looks like herpes” & took swabs to confirm. I lost myself that day! Like most of everyone else I thought my life was over, no one would want me.  My emotions were a roller coaster. I told two people I was close too and I’ll admit the conversations went pretty well. In that first week I slowly started to accept this new part of my life and started to think things would actually be ok.  However. The Dr calls me and actually says that the test came back NEGATIVE for herpes. Like Again with the freaking roller coaster! I was ecstatic tho. She didn’t know what it was and it was basically healed over at that point so  Naturally I just went on about my life.  I met my now husband. Fell in love, but I never felt the need to say anything to him cause I mean why, she said negative! I never went back for a follow up to figure out what exactly it was, so never took any specific blood tests. After we decided to be “serious” I did go for my physical, had tests run for STDs. All negative! {{Of course now after reading up I find out most Drs do not run the blood test for Herpes in the standard STD panel or whatever {face palm}} Being honest tho i did have that nagging feeling in the back of my head every now and than. 

Fast forward 4 years into our marriage and BOOM! I notice a small cluster of like 3 bumps on my butt one day. They werent blisters but alil painful. But I guess being naive I didn’t think much about it. Than like a year later after a miscarriage, I noticed a small bump high up on my inner thigh. This time just one, again not blistered but painful and my heart dropped. I knew immediately what it was. That world ending feeling came back like a Mac truck.  

But how do I tell my husband now. I know it’s not right and I’ve basically acknowledged that I’m a horrible person but I’ve struggled for the past 2 years, he hasn’t had any outbreaks or symptoms. I do feel some relief about that but still my heart and soul is in so much pain right now. I’m really struggling. I know I’m a crappy person. I feel like scum for waiting this long to say something. It’s definitely a constant battle. Like past posts have said the stigma surrounding Herpes makes everything so much harder. 

But I disclosed here first. Hoping for some encouraging words cause I plan on telling him this week. We’ve been separated since June due to other reasons but honestly deep down the guilt has just consumed me. 

[I’m struggling to disclose to my husband]

Starting from the beginning.  About 8 months (give or take) before we met. I experienced an “outbreak”. I went to the Dr and she said it did look like herpes but took swabs to confirm. I lost myself that day! Like most of everyone else I thought my life was over, no one would want me.  My emotions that week were a roller coaster. I told two people I was close two and they actually didn’t judge me so I started to think things would actually be ok.  A week later the Dr calls me and says that the test came back negative. Again with the freaking roller coaster! I was ecstatic tho. The relief that washed over me when I heard her say that was phenomenal!  Naturally I went on about my life, I met my now husband. Fell in love, but I never felt the need to say anything to him cause I mean why, she said negative! I never went back for a follow up to figure out what exactly it was, so never took any specific blood tests. After we decided to be “serious” I did go for my physical, had tests run for STDs. All negative, all tests came back negative! {{Of course now after reading up I find out most Drs do not run the blood test for Herpes in the standard STD panel or whatever {face palm}} Being honest tho in the back of my head I felt off all those years tho. 

Fast forward 4 years later and BOOM! I notice a small cluster of like 3 bumps on my butt one day. They werent blisters but alil painful. But I guess being naive I didn’t think much about it. Than like a year later after a miscarriage, I noticed a small bump on my inner thigh. This time just one, again not blistered but painful and my heart dropped. I knew immediately what it was. That world ending feeling came back like a Mac truck.  

But how do I tell my husband now. I’ve struggled for 2 years, he hasn’t had any outbreaks or symptoms. I do feel some relief about that but still my heart and soul is in so much pain right now. I’m really struggling. I know I’m a crappy person. I feel like scum for waiting this long to say something. It’s definitely a constant battle.  

I disclosed here first. Hoping for some encouraging words cause I plan on telling him this week. We’ve been separated since January due to other reasons but honestly deep down the guilt has just consumed me.