Kacey
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Posts posted by Kacey
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If your partner is a loving person outside the virus. Kindly forgive him, otherwise trash him
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I went to the doctor a few days ago. I am always sad about the way i contracted herpes because it was forcefully done and i am always afraid to disclose. I spoke to my doc and he told me that " did you know when the men come and hear about this, they treat it like its nothing, its always the females who overly anxious and worried" looking back i realise that the predator have had several gfs after me and some must have been aware of the herpes status"
ARE WE SELF DEFEATING OURSELVES?
ITS JUST A VIRUS THAT CAUSES RASH OR SORES AND IT HEALS IF WE TAKE CAEE OF OUR HEALTH BOTH PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY AND OR TAKE THE PRESCRIBED PILLS... THE STATISTICS SAY OVER 80% CONFIRMED CASES OF HERPES I IN THE US AND 49% CONFIRMED HERPES 2. THERE ARE MORE OUT THERE NOT CONFIRMED. Way more. Its a silent STI
I DONT KNOW ABOUT YOU ALL, I AM HAVING MY BEST SEX LIFE PROTECTED AND THE MOMENT I STOPPED OVERTHINKING ABOUT THIS VIRUS, MY OUTBREAKS DISAPPEARED.
LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE .
YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. GO HAVE SEX , G0 HAVE PROTECTED FUN.
My advice to you love searchers,
TO FIND LOVE IS NOT EASY WHETHER YOU HAVE HERPES OR NOT. Love is not about physical only , its a soul to soul connection.
I AM HAVING FUN TILL THE DAY I DIE. HERPES STIGMA WILL NOT STOP ME.
You might just worry yourself in to a mental illness.
No, I will not disclose if I dont feel like it.
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9 hours ago, annalove said:
@mr_hopp I love the one liner at the end! I will be trying that out when this is all over!
I guess for me the trepidation lies in my belief that herpes is still so stigmatize. I have mostly accepted what you said above as fact, “herpes is a simple skin condition and far less significant than something like COVID” (I only put mostly because I still have my good day’s and bad). But forced to make an immediate choice of battling COVID or risking getting herpes my guess is many many people would take the COVID.
I am of course guessing and generalizing which I shouldn’t do. I also know from my work with you that how I feel about my herpes and how I present it plays a huge part in the comfort level of the person I am disclosing to.There is always work to be done on this path post diagnosis. I know i still have some work to do in my own destigmatization of this virus
I agree with you. I believe some people would choose contracting Covid over herpes because of ignorance. The media contributes to the high stigmatization of HSV. I was speaking to a friend who is unaware of my diagnosis. She said she would commit suicide if she contracted herpes. However , if it was covid she would strengthen her immune system.
I am not sure if the world is considering other forms of virus muchless to highlight that they can be easily be contracted like Covid. The media has not shed any light on other forms of virus in a positive light and I doubt they ever will. It's only us with herpes hoping that the recent Covid situation will lessen stigmatization.
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So recently I decided to take my medications and eat healthy and date for fun. I have both HSV 1 abd HSV 2 and I am recovering from a narcissistic relationship where I was raped by my ex predator who took my virginity. He was a very cruel guy. Anyway, I was dating for fun just to boost ego and still feel pretty and atttactive without any plans to have sexual intercourse with anyone. I have met a friend who practices celibacy and decided to do the same. If celibacy didn't work for me , i had plan to invest in sex toys and please my damn self and love myself. One the guys i dated was so kind , so loving so understanding of my trauma story except i didnt tell him I had dire consequences. I experienced two tramautic situation whivh lead me to have a brief psychosis and almost lost my mind due to the traumas. So we are having a really good relationship but no sex. I kept putting sex off because i wanted to disclose but didnt know how. In my culture, HSV 1 orally is very normal. No big deal but when its genital its a big thing....One day he invited me over and I was going to disclose until he turned me on and we started kissing. I had no sores to my knowledge. Havent had outbreak since first and thats almost 2 years ago and now i feel i might be asymptomatic. We tried sex but i couldnt lubricate enought because i was traumatised from rape plus i feel like its deceptful not diclosing and so sex was very painful. Anyway he started kissing me all over. In prior discussions, we said to each other that we dont like oral sex and that ots against out beliefs.... so i didnt expect him to kiss me and then surprisingly kiss my clit and it felt so good since it was me first . He didnt even ask he surprised me... so even though i wasnt into oral sex i had to do it back. PENETRATION WAS WITH CONDOMN. Weeks past and i felt good that yes my virus was dormant until 3 weeks in he had a terrible rash all over his forehead with pus and i am wondering if it is the herpes. I am going to let us both get tested because i thought i was careful but if its its hsv i will never forgive myself.
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A lot of people will say I am a bitch for saying this but i am over being positive and searching for love. Kudos to people who found love with HSV. Some of us will never be thay lucky. The truth is even women who are beautiful and STD free cant find Love. My advice may be harsh and cruel to some but this is my opinion... I stopped having an OCD about herpes. I take my meds and i take my vitamins and practice safe sex but i dont disclose anymore. 1- 6 people have this damn virus that just cause stupid bumps and rash like eczema and acne and other skin disease. Kmt. Its just the stigma attached that makes it looks awful. Tired of playing good emotional soft women disclosing and breaking my heart when i disclose. I am going out there practicing safe sex with condom and i told them half truth that i was a victim of rape and i know i dont have hiv but there might be others so safe sex please. When U disclose, some men expose you... damage ur reputation and make yoh look like R.Kelly. I was a virgin when i contracted this from a predator and i dont think i should let stigmatization hold me back.
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On 1/15/2020 at 9:05 PM, Fmals said:
Well shit.
Lol. Ikr
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11 hours ago, unwritten said:
Thank you for this article! I've been having a tough time physically (uncommon, recurring irritation that's baffling my gynecologist) and this is a good reminder of how trivial this infection once was. Once I get my symptoms under control (Dear Universe) and get back to a place where I may start dating again, I'm sending this article to them! (Or maybe I won't have to since some people take it pretty well!)
You are welcome dear. I haven't seen my gynae in a long while. You know what really helps. Exercising, managjng stress through a coping skill, eating lots of fruits and veges, taking vitamin c, herpes meds and probiotics. You can also take multivitamins. Oh yes DRINK A WHOLE LOT OF WATER. SLEEP WELL. Focus on Goals...Honestly once i have started doing this overtime i havent had an outbreak. Initially those steps were taken to show myself that i am still going to take "care of me" and "love me" despite herpes. Turns out it had lot more benefits.
Note: I do have relapses from time to time. I will cry or vent on the forum. So I started seeing a pyschologist to help me with the mental "symptoms" that comes with hsv but physically i am fine.
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20 hours ago, mr_hopp said:
I both agree and disagree with your psychologist. It's just not so black and white. The question to ask yourself when looking at online forums is this: "What story is being supported here?" Is it the story of optimism and vulnerability or the story of negativity and shame? Are the members being supported in their resiliency or are they being supported as helpless victims? The context is super important here.
Sometimes a forum itself can be rife with negativity and supporting a super depressing storyline about the future. Sometimes it's individual people posting who are caught in a negative storyline about what this now means about them and their lives. It's the classic motif of dark and light. Which will win out? The one you give more attention to.
Even on this forum, there are plenty of folks who initially arrive with a super negative mindset, which is understandable since stigma is so commonplace. (Yes, I was one of those people when I first got herpes!). But once we know better, then it's up to us to be representatives of the light, of optimism, of Opportunity ... to become Stigma Bulletproof (and then pass that mindset along to those who need it).
This is when an online forum can be a place where minds — and subsequently lives — can be changed for the better.
I agree with you. I think this support group has helped me alot. May I add that i was once negative too but overtime i started gaining confidence.
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Honestly for me, I am not ashamed when guy's say they dont date people with herpes because before i contracted it I was one of them who feared STDS. Remember it is highly stigmatized. Spend some time becoming more knowledgeable about the illness and NEVER disclose too early.
Stay positive but be smart as well.
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That's just not true about your dating life coming to an end because if herpes
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I told my psychologist that i joined an online support group for herpes. I told her how much i liked it and listed the benefits. However she said , sometimes online support groups cause one to be more depressed or anxious because of others strong opinions. Especially if you already suffering mentally because of this illness. She shared a powerful article too. Read this everyone: "How herpes became the sexual boogeyman"
She also said. The illness itself is not what most people fear but it's the stigma attached to it that has caused the fear shame and guilt.
For those who struggle with disclosure:
She also said we should find courage in our vulnerability.
I asked another psychiatrist why people do those evil things? (this is specifically who were victims of sexual predators like myself. The guy purposely gave it to me. )
Her response was that its human nature to be selfish and sometimes other people are battling their own demons. It's just sad that they drag innocent people in their own battles. She also said (this is the most important part) ‼you never know what people are capable of doing as such it's your responsibility to protect yourself against the unseen. ‼
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I have huge problem. Before contracting herpes when i shave or was i use to get terible ingrows and itching when the hair was growing back. Now after ciontracting herpes , i didny shave for a year. Now after i shave recently, the bumps arent like the pripr ingrowns but rather small. My vagina is very itchy and red bunps come where the hair follicle is. Its not fill with pus. Could shaving trigger OB?
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I dont want have a victim mentality mindset but i really wonder why i couldnt have been the lucky few that caught a curable STD, even syphillis is better than herpes. Herpes cant be cured and you have to deal with annnoying outbreaks plus stigma. I wonder how people with HIV/AIDS keep up. I dont want to be negative nancy but lets face it, Its sad. I was a freaking virgin when i caught the STD and now i have to let all the good men pass me by. Fantasising about a cure for herpes, meeting a man that loves me despite herpes and also meeting my standards, having to worry if my vagina still look sexually appealimg or smells good if i do choose to have sex again. I honestly feel like going out there and hurting guys the same way i was hurt especially the ones who act as if they are walking on gold diamond or glass.... i have given up, not going to give anyone the choice to be with me, i am going to have sex,hide my condtion and take my meds. I sound like a bitch but i really want a boy friend, i cant deal.with the sexual fustration.its getting to me. I am sad. I was all positive about herpes but it was only cover i put but truly deep down inside,I AM HURT
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How do you know when you have asymptomatic shedding? What is it like?
What is this tingy feeling yall talk about?
I only get bumps once in a good while. I wonder if its herpes bumps or just regular vaginal pimples. I have never experienced an outbreak like my first.
There were two instances where i had two tough lumps on my vagina. I was wondering if it was herpes or hpv.
Sigh. Someone explain please the symptoms and how to recognize an outbreak or shedding.
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You know that where i live hsv1 is not a big problem people call it night fever because even babies have it. They dont call it herpes when its oral even though it is but the genital herpes you will get slashed for.
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DONT DO IT. Thats a terrible idea. Screen this man properly first
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Wow. I would suggest that you try to adopt a new lifestyle. This includes eating healthy, more vegetables and taking vitamin supplements. Try to exercise daily and limit stress and depression. The stringer the immune system, the bettet. When I feel depress or stress , I start watching motivational videos, movies and i have developed a routine that keeps me busy. It Helps me to not focus too much on my status. If you want sexual release, there is always masturbation ( thats if you dont have a problem doing it).
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We all make mistakes , its just unfortunate that some mistakes have permanent consequences but the moment you start accepting it, the better. You are probably srressing so the outbreaks are frequent
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We are so similiar. Hi. I am only meds for depression as a result from schizophreniform. I had nightmares too and i had suicidal ideations as well but i had to think about how my family would feel if i killed myself. I realised also that alot of persons have herpes. Alot of people have type 1 though. I get antidepressants too but i dont get outbreaks. Havent had an outbreak since my first. The suicidal thoughts will go away after a while. Just try to remain positive , i know its hard but still try. You can inbox me. Currently I dont feel suicidal but i feel numb. I believe we can help each other.
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Thank you. Best advice. Like him, I was a virgin too but my partner knowingly passed it on to me without telling me. I tried explaining that to him but he refused to listen. He said it can be controlled and there is always condoms. He worked at an STD clinic before. I feel he is desperate to be in a relationship and I am desperate for someone to accept me. It is my fear of lonliness and never having anyone to accept me. I live in a society STDs are highly stigmatised. The other day guy told me without disclosing my status that he would stay away from a female with Herpes and HIV and he is my friend before I contracted the virus. I decided not to disclose. Its hard , people believe you have to have been promiscuous to have herpes or you are just nasty. There are times when I have a positive outlook and believe there is still hope and there are times when i am in a depressive state. The negative comments of others usually triggers it. R.Kelly copy cat ruined my selfesteem. Sigh.😭
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So i am currently thinking about daying this virgin. He is willong to accept me. He is final tear medical student but he is not physically attractive in my eyes. He needa to work on his sex appeal.Everything is great as it relates to personality and I will still settle with him. I just really hope that with time, i might be able to accept him,the way he did for me.
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4 hours ago, DoesntDefineMe said:
I haven’t take medication at all since being diagnosed in January. I have not had another outbreak since my first. I think as long as you keep yourself healthy and try not to stress then you may be ok. But if you are planning on being sexually active-I would suggest being on medication to lower the risk of transmission to your partner.
Have you had sex since you found out? I am afraid to do it.
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Successful people works towards the betterment of themselves and they also help others. They see a problem and they work towards solving that problem. The fact that you are here , the fact that you are seeking help and /or supporting others make you a sucess hun. Continue working towards making yourself a better version of who you were yesterday and never give up. Never quit.
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Remember
You are not your illness!! Love your body and Treat your body right.🤸♀️
Don't let the stigma attached to herpes define you sis. You are beautiful ,you are strong, you are invincible. 💃
You matter!!!
Aint nobody gonna love you like you love yourself.So love yourself unconditionally. ❤
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Stress, lack of sleep, or shaving that's causing outbreaks?
in General herpes discussion
Posted
Whenever I shave,I always thought i had outbreaks until I went to the doc and realise it was laser burns and ingrown hair. I always do vajacials and use aloe vera and tea tree and moisturiser on my genital. It helps me a whole lot. My doc told me to treat it like regular skin or my face, clean exfoliated and moisturized