duppystrangler

Thank you everyone! hugs!!!

I've been getting "closer" to my best friend, it started a week before my first outbreak and this whole ordeal of discovering H. I've been friends with him since 4th grade and we kissed for the first time monday night. He came over again tonight and I broke down and told him I had herpes after we started moving a little past kissing I felt it was the right time. My first disclosure talk and it was a complete success because he has herpes also! I explained to him how I got it and cold sores and such and he came to the realization that he was engaging in sex when his last girlfriend had cold sores and he would get them also. I gave him all the information I could think of. I feel so much better. It really is wayyyy more common than I thought! Such a relief! Haven't had a smile like this in a while!

Hope75, you are such a strong women to have gone through all that and talk to positively. Its funny you mentioned that book because I followed her story for years and was considering reading that book but wasn't sure if I could handle it. I'm def. going to read it now. People like us, including Aerial2013 and WCSdancer210, who have been through things and came out on the other side stronger human beings can def. have much empathy for people and I believe that is a great quality. Thank you so much for your support. I have already grown a lot from reading posts on here and living and coping with H! <3

thanks so much this song is really good! I love his dreads!

well said, thanks for the encouragement

Well said, Thank you very much you too!

Juvia, first of all you are a great writer. Your description of autumn (my favorite season) was really alluring and when you stated that nature rejected you, it brought a tear to my eyes. I'm still pretty new at this whole herpes acceptance thing so I understand how youre feeling but I can't help but to disagree that our mother nature rejected us both. I love her and all of her beauty. Herpes is a natural thing. Its the ignorance of society that rejected us, its the stigma that rejected us. In our lifetime I hope we see more of an acceptance of this silly disease so less people in the future feel less alienation. Hang in there!<3

Lexis, hearing how positive u are is uplifting to me. You are such a strong women. You're right, when u go through hard times if gives u such a sence of empathy and i like that about myself. Thank you for the support its greatly appreciated!

you go girl!

This is awesome! thanks for sharing!

I have so much to say but I’ll try to keep it short. I’m 22 living in a small town in NJ with my parents. I just got diagnosed about 3 weeks ago with genital HSV1 and this was the final straw this year. I’m a normal girl. Never had a problem with getting guys although I never even bothered. I’ve always kind of kept to myself. I’ve only had 3 legit boyfriends in my life and few sex partners. I’ve always been super careful to the point where I skeeved people. I have a shitty history when it comes to men. My dad neglected me growing up because he was too occupied with dictating and abusing my brother which I got to witness and which led my brother to rebel and become a drug user and abuse me. The cycle always continues and repeats from what I’ve experienced. I thought I found someone I could look up to in a man when I fell in love for the first time but he abandoned me without any explanation. My last relationship, which was this year, was the worst thing that could happen to me. I never thought I would find myself in an abusive relationship. Besides the physical abuse, there was mental and verbal. Having someone tell you you’re worthless and ugly and that no one likes you and talk shit on you after all you’ve done but good things for them, really messes with your psyche. After I broke up with him I rediscovered myself and put my soul back together since he robbed it from me. I’ve always been so self-aware and he made me feel like I didn’t even know myself anymore. After the summer ended I was really starting to find happiness amongst some other misfortunes I don’t feel like explaining, I reconnected with an old friend and that’s when it happened, I contracted this stupid stigmatized disease and pretty much lost myself again. For my 22nd Birthday my present from the world was herpes! All I’ve ever gotten from the male species was neglect, abandonment, abuse, and STDs. I like to believe I am intelligent, I’ve been through a lot and I’ve made it through because I am a strong person but this takes shit to a whole new level. Of course the question lingers “how could this happen to me?” Who am I? Every time I look in the mirror I recognize myself of course, but I see a different person at the same time, someone I’m upset with, someone I’m disappointed in. The angel on the one side of my shoulder is telling me to press on and things will be okay, and the devil on the other side is telling me everything is hopeless, give up already. This is just another thing to add to my baggage, not to mention I already have HPV which I got from that abusive demon. Once again, I find myself not knowing who I am. I am an honest and open person, but now I have a dark secret to hide. I am not promiscuous or a “slut” but now I’m looked at as one, and I’m not a dirty person but now I have something associated with being dirty. I have all the same fears, worries, and beliefs as I’ve been reading other people have that were diagnosed. I’m scared no one will ever be with me because of all of this. I am damaged goods. Not only am I fucked up from being abused, but I have two STDs I have to explain to a potential partner. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I’ll probably connect all the dots one day and realize why this was destiny, but for right now I can’t help but to break down and cry and freak myself out every couple hours of each day. Every time I look at someone I think maybe they have it too! I’m always screaming “I have fucking herpes!” in my head. I shared a drink with a friend the other night and automatically thought “HERPES!” No one would ever imagine I would have this damn thing and two of my friends actually think I’m a lesbian at this point because I’m so introverted when it comes to men. Recently I saw one of my ex’s joke about Valtrex on his Instagram and my stomach dropped. Who knows maybe he has it too. I keep trying to tell myself it’s not a big deal but it will be when it complicates the next potential relationship I’m pursuing. Only my doctor, my mother, and the guy who gave it to me know about this. I feel so alone. I wish I could tell a friend but I can’t trust any of them enough and everyone knows everyone here, it would spread like wildfire. I don’t want people to know. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a beautiful person or anything, I just want to relate to someone. When my doctor told me I had herpes I shouted in the examination room, “I’M FUCKED!!!”