Carlos

Abandoholism is similar to the other ‘oholisms, but instead of being addicted to a substance, you’re addicted to the emotional drama of heartbreak. You pursue hard-to-get partners to keep the romantic intensity going and to keep your body’s love-chemicals and stress hormones flowing. What makes someone an abandoholic? Abandoholism sets in when you’ve been hurt so many times that you’ve come to equate insecurity with love. Unless you’re pursuing someone you’re insecure about, you don’t feel in love.

"I always have mixed drinks about my feelings." Anonymous

@Darein77 Too soon to go bareback, kiddo!! Is your prospective lover HIV Neg? Because for us gay males with genital HSV1 or HSV2 the risk of becoming infected with HIV is high due to the seen (and often unseen) skin ruptures caused by genital HSV1/2. In other words... stop thinking about whether you're going to infect him with genital HSV1/2 and start worrying about contracting the BIG (H). This applies mostly to us gay males because we love via anal sex - but it also applies to females with genital HSV1/2 whose male partners are either Bisexual or are HIV Poz (or both). do you follow what i'm saying? We have a tendency, when we're diagnosed with having genital HSV1/2, to fear passing it on to a non-infected person. and that is a valid fear. but the greater risk is contracting other STIs... truth is, now that you have genital area HSV1/2 (or as my Doc calls it, Herpes in the boxer short area), tossing condoms aside is a HUGE NO NO. Yes. Condoms suck. I hate them myself. But in the early stages of the relationship, please use them. And have the guy get tested FOR EVERYTHING: complete STI panel with all the works. And he must request an HSV1/2 anti-body blood test as well (He could be carrying the virus and not know it) YOU are what matters most! The other guy comes in 2nd. good luck :) Carlos

I never read horoscopes. I think what I infrequently do read can apply to pretty much anyone at any given time in their life. But the quote below came entrenched in today's Saggitarius bit: "...Give others time to reflect on your disclosure; relaxing your expectations helps you avoid unnecessary disappointment. Love is a dance which can't be rushed." By Rick Levine Ha.

Yes it is possible. And it's also possible that you may never see outbreaks after a certain amount of years after infection. You just become a carrier. I know this because that's precisely my story. I also quite alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes. And took on a spiritual practice.

today i learned that just because I live in a great cozy sugary house in bergen county NJ, that I'm not gonna get a romantic partner, or anything for that matter, helicoptered in. I have to go out there to get/find/achieve it - and that means doing the footwork. Giving, giving and giving is what makes the receiving possible. I also learned that when I call people back and they don't return my call right away, I get real jaded real quick and dismiss the person altogether. Again, the receiving is not the point. It's what's going out (of me) what matters. I've known all this. Now I see that I also forget if I don't stay on point. Ha! YOUR TURN: what have you learned lately? where's your sugar at?

Today I learned, or rather continue to show to my stubborn self, that the more I want another person or a group to validate my worth, the more I feel like I'm barking up the wrong tree with the fervor of a Chihuahua. I see that I have to let others be. And most importantly, I see I have to leave myself alone. Your turn: what did you learn today, sugar?

Today, my sugar is at "good" after having read an inspiring piece at VICE: "Finding Love with Herpes, Thanks to STI-Positive Online Dating". The author talks a good game in favor of online dating and interviews a couple who met on a herpes dating site Note: I'm not selling the idea, but more and more, I hear from others (STI-positive or not) about the power of online dating. I've learned lately that I'm too keen on isolating myself. True, I'm a Lone Wolf, but sometimes a Lone Wolf wants to partner up with another Lone Wolf for walks in the moonlight. Read the story of that couple here: http://www.vice.com/read/finding-love-with-herpes-thanks-to-sti-positive-online-dating-396?utm_source=vicetwitterus YOUR TURN. Where's your Sugar at? Or, what have You learned lately?

I came across an article at Bustle.com where a very eloquent young woman talks about her [h] journey and disclosing. I know I'm preaching to the choir because everyone up in here is SO good at expressing your-fine-ass-self. But I had to share just a bit of her own disclosure script: “Herpes is super common — over 20 percent of people have it, and it’s even more prevalent in women, because it’s easier to catch it if you have ladyparts. It gets transmitted from skin-to-skin contact, and you can actually get it from many parts of someone else’s body, not just their special parts (including mouths, butts, and thighs). So really, you don’t technically get it from sex, you get it from touching. You’re much more likely to get it from someone who has a herpes sore, but you can also get it in between the times when sores are around. While there isn’t a cure, there’s medication I can take to protect you from getting it, and using condoms also helps.” What struck me is the sentence that I also used as the title to this discussion. And yes, @adrial has been telling us the same for years now. But I think it was the "ladyparts" bit that really drove the message home for me tonight. And you know, I'm a bonafide gay man, so I don't see where this is coming from. All of a sudden I see ladyparts everywhere. And they're beautiful! Gentlemanparts are nice too, when they're not hanging there looking like a bunch of walnuts. Have I totally crossed the line? Forgive me, I'm from New York. No filter. But considering the topic that we touch upon around these parts (haha) I figured, make 'em laugh a little. This [h] thing can get really REAL sometimes; because we have a tendency to treat loneliness with isolation, and to judge our own bodies to the point of self-inducing anxiety and doom. With [h] some days are good some not so much; but it could always be worse. So here here! To finding the ladyparts (or the gentleman parts) of your sexy dreams. And touch others with love, not with judgment. Carlos

Oscar Wilde once said, "Be yourself, everyone else is taken."

"Today me will live in the moment unless it’s unpleasant in which case me will eat a cookie." - Cookie Monster "love this." - Me

and here for a happiness series. "Unbroken happiness is a bore: It should have ups and downs." -Moliere "Happiness is a hard thing because it is achieved only by making others happy." -Stuart Cloete "All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast." -John Gunther

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely" - Auguste Rodin "A friend is a person who knows all about you and still likes you." -Elbert Hubbard "Freedom and peace of mind are always attained by giving them to someone else." -P.C. March

Here's another one to share. http://motherboard.vice.com/read/you-probably-have-herpes Close look at the author's thesis-closing hashtag! LOVE IT.

I just read this and I felt motivated to share with you. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/01/01/things-to-stop-caring-about-in-2015_n_6390470.html I'd like to add... #22 - Having Herpes: because you did nothing absolutely nothing wrong. and, no, you are not "damaged goods". don't ever reject yourself, that's blasphemy.