HerryTheHerp
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Posts posted by HerryTheHerp
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Know what I do when I'm grocery shopping and I'm in a mood? I mess with people. That's right, I go full on Dennis Leary. For instance:
Lady with 10 screaming kids messing with my chi as I search for Chai? I'll slip a pregnancy test in her overflowing shopping car.
Grouchy grey haired old man shopping with the Mrs. who's loaded the cart down with produce and junk food. I'll slip a 24 pack of condoms in there.
20 year old jerk who cuts me off? He's getting a little Preparation H and a box of tampons.
Lady with an attitude? Yep, she's got a yeast infection, and needs the industrial size tube. She might even need something like a lice comb.
25 year old pompous asp who is learing at the ladies as they walk by? He's getting some Rogaine.
Then, I just mosey my way up to the counter, make my purchases, then sit down in the chairs there and wait to see their reactions. It's good, clean, cheap fun. Sometimes I'll sit there eating Cracker Jacks. Fortunately, the folks at the local grocery store where I shop know me very well since I've been shopping there for over 20 years. They get a kick out of it, too, and they know that when I sit down, something fun's about to happen...
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Well, I used condoms, had sex with her for one incredible night, and well, when the sun came up I had herpes. It happens. We're not unlucky, we're just not as lucky as we thought we were.
Condoms do help reduce transmission, but they're most effective if used in conjunction with anti-viral suppression, diet, and overall health. The stronger your immune system is,the less you'll shed, and the lower the risk.
Now, you're right. Doctors and medical science are lagging in their knowledge of HSV. They're learning a lot; but they're far from 100% on the whole picture. It's frustrating, and yes, it's hard to accept that. But, keep in mind that there are a number of couples who have been together years and decades, taken precautions, and never transmitted it.
So, you can quarantine yourself. A lot of us do when we first find out. Some people do that for months, others for years. It's your choice. I'd recommend getting back up on the horse and dating as soon as you're ready. Don't rush it, but don't let it last forever. Life's short; enjoy it.
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The adjustment period is hard. There's no question that the old life is gone, and a new one has begun. It's tough to accept that, and we've all been there at some point. In time, it'll fade into the background of your life and your thoughts.
For now, let it change you in a positive way. Let it remind you how special life is and seek out those connections that make you feel smart, funny, and sexy again. Trust me, when you do that, you'll discover what truly mind blowing sex and relationships feel like.
Don't rob yourself of opportunities. Who knows? Maybe she has HSV as well? Maybe she has HPV? Maybe she's feeling just as insecure and concerned. Never assume, and never pass up an opportunity to take an amazing lady out on the town for a good time. The connection you make just might be the strongest you've ever discovered.
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I can say that I've used pineapple to treat another medical condition that comes up in the bedroom that's also caused by inflammation. Dancer is right, the anti-inflammatory effect is right from the bromalin, and as you said, it is very powerful. While the "B" can be bought in pill form, I strongly recommend fresh pineapple to anyone dealing with inflammation.
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You're obsessing. That's not healthy and I agree with your parents in that regard. Have we all been there with H? The vast majority of us go through a phase where it's all we think about. We Google and read, and obsess...then we just move on. I think you need to get your results, and then take the next step. If it's positive, well, deal with that then and we'll be here to support you. If it's negative, well, put it behind you and move on.
Again, I think you need to meditate, and if necessary, medicate. Your anxiety levels are going through the roof. That will impact you, your job search, your family, everything. It's no way to live life.
We all get sad and concerned. We all have our own way of dealing with a diagnosis. It's tough, but by obsessing about it and letting it impact every aspect of your life? You'll create far more issues than you'll solve. Believe me. Dancer listened to me bitch and moan about the possibility of having HIV when I got my HSV diagnosis. She was an absolute saint. She'll tell you just how obsessive and concerned I was. It was all I thought about. Put my life on hold for over a month waiting for the results. Wasn't fun. I speak from experience in saying that obsessing over it won't do any good, and in fact, it's counterproductive.
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Not sure I can add much more beyond what's already been said. But, there are some silver linings.
Most importantly, you've already put some pretty serious information in front of this guy and he hasn't bolted, has shown support, and cares about you. That's a pretty good indication he's a guy with some serious character.
I'd suggest laying everything out on the table and being as honest and up front as you can. HSV1 is a very common occurence. I highly doubt it will shy him away.
Also, and I agree with Dancer, you need to be 100% confident in yourself, who you are, and what you want in a relationship before you get involved in a relationship. The cycle of abuse is brutal, and if you don't know who you are, what you want, and have the confidence needed to achieve it, that cycle continues. Above all else, this is what you need to be focused on; discovering who you are and what you want your life to be like; then making it happen.
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"I read it on the internet" therefore it must be true. Placing acetone on genital skin falls into the category of "Don't try this at home" and I personally think the SOB who put this one out there should be strung up by the nearest tree right beside the other snake oil peddlers.
Your healing sounds about typical for an OB. It can take a while for everything to get back to normal as the blisters heal and the symptoms subside. Do I think you did any permanent damage? Highly unlikely. Acetone will dry the skin and irritate it, but a few exposures to the mucus membranes aren't going to destroy nerve endings etc. It's also not going to do anything to help heal a herpes outbreak. The body does produce acetone naturally, but it's not something you want to put on an OB.
Try rubbing the glans with some aloe cream (make sure you use the cream, not the gel; the gel contains alcohol, and that dries the skin and delays healing.) That will help relieve some of the stinging/itchiness. Diaper rash cream (which is zinc based) also helps considerably.
Also, go get some cranberry juice. If the stinging is in the urethra, it could be a bacterial infection. Cranberry juice works wonders at clearing these little UTI's up; and it's not uncommon to have a UTI following an OB as the blisters open the skin up and make it easy for bacteria to get in there and muck things up. If that doesn't work after a few days, then go see the doctor and get some prescription antibiotics.
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Hi Rose,
Well, you're not alone. I told my mom, and she did the same thing. Not quite as extensively, but still. It's a mom thing; and it doesn't matter where in the world they are, they always love us and want the best for us. They hate to see us hurting, and don't like to see us suffer.
It's not easy, but tell her about this forum. Tell her about the people you are meeting here and the things you're learning. It'll help put her at ease. I told my mom, told her about this place, and well, advice column stopped.
That said, I do think H will be 100% curable in our lifetime. They're getting closer by the day. In the meantime, if it rears it's ugly head, drug it back to the 60's, and there are natural treatments that work as alternatives. But, I have to caution you strongly against the damned silver. Whoever the idiot was that put that out there should be horsewhipped for suggesting colloidal silver should be ingested for anything.
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Day's not over yet!
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No, having one doesn't indicate the other is going to break out. However, you will want to be very careful kissing him if he has a cold sore that is active. HSV1 prefers the mouth, and it's very easy to contract it if he has an active cold sore and you're busy exploring your French heritage.
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Ok, well, you'll need to be careful because he can transmit HSV1 to you genitally if he gives you oral sex. This is considerably easier if he has a cold sore at the time.
You may want to consider going to a private clinic outside of the GUM system. Haven't been in England in a while, so I don't know what your options are, but you'll want to check. The UK and Canada are notorious for only providing swab tests; which don't do much good for the 80% of people who never have OB's.
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He had a coldsore? Ok. Has he been tested for HSV1?
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Was your boyfriend having an OB? No. Was he on suppresive therapy at the time? If he was, your risk is absolutely minimal.
The condom came off. It happens. Since your exposure time was minimal, I'd say your risk is minimal in that regard.
Per act, it's estimated that transmission risk is about 4-10% based on the type of exposure you described (assuming he's not on suppressives). I'd say even less based on the duration. However, keep in mind that HSV2 and HSV1 are skin to skin diseases; that means no fluid transfer is needed, and a condom only protects a little area of skin. Thus, if your boyfriend is not on suppressive therapy, he needs to be in order to protect you. If he is, the risk drops to 1-2%.
Try not to panic. There are couples who have been together decades without knowing one partner had it; in quite a few cases, there was never a transmission.
You can get tested if you are not having an OB. You can do a blood test that will be accurate within 12-16 weeks after exposure. Of course, if you develop an OB, you'll want to go and get a swab done to confirm it. However, I highly doubt that you've contracted herpes based on this exposure.
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Well, it means you have HSV1. That's about it. Good idea to do the blood test for other things just to be on the safe side. About 80% of the population has HSV1, so you're far from alone.
Good to hear your doctor is going to test your boyfriend; tell your boyfriend never to go back to the other doctor again as that doctor doesn't have a clue. Remember: For every Valedictorian in the graduating class, there's one that barely made it through. Sounds like that other doctor fit that bill.
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One of the hardest things for all of us when we get the diagnosis is wondering what other people will think and how they will react to us afterwards. We worry about stigma, telling partners, and what others will do when they find out we have these little viruses inside of us.
Today as I was doing my morning news roundup, I came across this story on Yahoo. It's about one of the things we all fear; being "outed." While the outing itself is truly horrific and unacceptable, read this story, but don't focus on it. Read through the comments. Focus on those. Join the discussion. You'd be surprised how many total strangers are standing up for this woman right now and saying "Having an STD isn't fun, but it's no reason to be ashamed."
Tide's rising. Get in the boat. It's time to set sail and see what's over the horizon. I've got a feeling there's a beautiful sunrise just getting warmed up.
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That's exactly what happened. I read her post and realized I needed to go wrestle a grizzly. It worked!
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Friends, Romans, Fellows, Brothers in Arms,
We snore. We snort. We pee standing up. We are a unique brotherhood of manly men. I ask if anyone else has noticed that since acquiring herpes that your ability to do manly things has gone through the roof? Since acquiring this virus in November, I have somehow acquired the ability to change the oil, build birdhouses using nothing but old milk cartons and Elmer's glue. I've mastered the arts of plumbing, small motor mechanics, and the elusive craft of carpentry. Just last week I built an entire armoire using nothing but 2x4's. thumbtacks, and pegs that I whittled from hand using a rusty pocketknife.
Next week I plan to hone my flair bartending skills, install a swimming pool, go camping with nothing but a roll of fishing line, a flint, and a butter knife, and then come home and pour concrete all over the backyard. And, right now I'm not sure, but I think I might be infected with a rare strain of Super Herpes that has given me all these gifts. Right now, I'm wondering if I'm alone.
If I'm not, I'd like to start a Super Herpes Man Club (No girls allowed!)
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Help me, help me, please. I just read this and I feel like that li'l kid whose mom takes him trough the ladies lingerie aisle at Wal Mart for the first time.
I'm scared for life. This is worse than that time my girlfriend asked me to pick up tampons for her. My therapist spent years trying to get me over that and now all that hard work has been undone thanks to you.
Why? Why did you have to put this up here and dare all of us guys to read it with that insidious tagline? That's like leaving an issue of Cosmo on the coffee table and then leaving the room. It's just cruel. It's unusual. It's punishment.
That's it. If you're going to insert gender only posts on this forum, we guys are not going to sit idly by!
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Alright, do you like Star Wars? I do. Loved Empire Strikes Back. You remember that scene when Luke goes into the cave and Vader's waiting for him?
This is your Jedi moment. It's scary as hell, but you've got the knowledge, the information, and the support to get through it. Now, pull out your light saber and get ready to kick some serious butt.
Remember, the only thing you're going to discover is who you are on the inside; and like Dancer said, this will bring all of that out. The good news is that as it comes out, you can choose to keep it, or change it, and become the person you really want to be.
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Very well said! Spot on in so many ways.
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Yahoo discussion forums are like the high school locker room. Everyone's in there comparing who has the bigger pinkie and lying about what they did with so and so behind the bleachers on Friday night.
Google isn't much better. If you want good advice and solid answers, come here or go to Medhelp Experts forums. Both places you'll find solid information from doctors and people living with H. There's no judgment, no BS, and no one is going to make you feel bad about going there for help and support.
Now, tough love time. How the hell does herpes affect your desire to study in college and become a cop? You want to be a cop, so here's a math lesson in case you go into forensic accounting as a specialty.
35,000 NYPD Officers wear the blue every day. Statistically speaking, 25% have HSV2, and 80% have HSV1. You do the math. And, if NYPD Blue and The Shield are to be believed, they're having a lot of sex. Like, every time they make a bust. "Hey, we just got the drug dealer. Cool, let's have sex." "Just collared that bank robber. Oh, you make me so hot, let's do it right here in the patrol car. I'll bring the handcuffs if you bring the nightstick..." Seriously, NYPD isn't going to care if you have herpes. In fact, having herpes, liking Tom Selleck, and having every episode of Hill Street Blues memorized is probably a job requirement.
So, again, relax. Keep breathing. Keep smiling. Keep studying.
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Having an STD can be emotionally devastating, but it's not the end of the world. It really isn't. I know it sucks, but your life isn't over. It's just begun, and in time you'll discover that it's really not that bad.
Now, old man time...when I was in college, back in the days when horses and buggies were the way we got to school, uphill, both ways, lots of snow on the side of the dirt road, after we did our chores and churned the butter, my best friend was diagnosed with cervical cancer...at 18. It can happen. The fact you've gone in, had a pap, and have a doctor making sure that's not what's going on? You're going to be just fine and I'm willing to bet it's nothing at all. Lots of things can cause an abnormal pap. BTW, my friend has been married 15 years now, has 2 daughters, and an amazing husband. Having an STD like HPV or herpes doesn't stop you from doing anything with your life that you want to do.
You haven't met anyone with herpes and kids? Oh, I bet you have. 25% of American women have HSV2, and close to 80% have HSV1 by the time they're 40. You just didn't know that before now. You've met lots of women and men who have herpes.
The internet sucks. It really does. It's a place where people's true personalities come out. Stay away from the bad, stick with the good, and whatever you do, so help me, please do not post any cutesy little pictures of kitties, try and share cookie recipes with me, or offer to get me a great deal on a timeshare in Tahitti because I will stop responding. ;)
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Hi Avigail,
Ok, take a deep breath. Close your eyes, and just breath for a few moments. In, and out. In, and out. Wipe the tears from your eyes and just focus on the next few sentences.
1. You're ok. You're going to be ok.
2. You're not damaged, dirty, or disgusting.
3. You're ok. You're going to be ok.
Now, keep reading those, and rereading those until it begins to sink in. You're going to get through this. Having herpes won't prevent you from having children or becoming a cop. It won't, and it's not even a question an employer can legally ask you.
Yes, there are precautions you'll need to take during childbirth to prevent transmission to your child, but cross that bridge when you get there years from now and you and your husband get there. Herpes isn't like HPV, Chlamydia, or Gonorrhea and there is no risk to your reproductive health. No risk at all.
So, you acquired herpes from your first partner at a young age. You're far from alone, and one of the forum's superstars is in the same boat; she got it at 17. She's had H for 35 years and led a full life, complete with marriage, children, and lovers. She'll chime in soon, I'm sure.
You don't have to tell anyone about your status. It's a nunyabusiness question to anyone you're not having sex with. However, I can tell you this, many of us have told our mothers, and while they have all expressed concern at some point, not one that I've ever heard of has shown anything but unconditional love for their children. Mom's have an amazing way of loving their kids no matter what, and I think you'd be surprised by how much she'd support you. My mom's heard so much from me over the years that she should have disowned me sometime in the mid-90's, but she still sends Christmas cards and calls me on my birthday. ;)
You have some things going for you. First, you've got a good boyfriend who loves you and is standing by you. He's feeling guilty, and you can help assuage that guilt. He's not standing by you because he's feeling guilty; he's standing by you because you are the love of his life. About 80% of people don't know that they have herpes, and it can be just as devastating to know you've given it to someone you care about and love. My advice? Get him onto this forum, because he's not the first person to have that happen. There are a lot of guys here who can help give him advice and support, and we'd be happy to help.
Second, well, you've found this forum. This is the best place on the internet to find advice and support. There are some truly amazing people here; all of us have been where you are right now, and we're all moving forward. We'll make you smile, make you laugh so hard you snort milk out of your nose, and we might even make you realize that having herpes really is just a small bump in the road of life.
Keep your chin up. Give your boyfriend a hug. Tell him you love him. Then remember to keep breathing...in and out...in and out.
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Yep, what she said. Darn near verbatim.
As far as outbreaks, well, blisters are not always "typical." They can show up and look like everything from a bug bite to a fluid filled blister. It's one of the reasons you never diagnose herpes by visual inspection. Based on your blood tests, you definitely have HSV1, and you most probably have HSV2. False positives very rarely occur at above 3.5; in fact, I've only ever heard of 1 person on the MedHelp forum who had that happen.
And, stay off Google. Google is positively horrible. Granted, my primary did look like those ghastly images, it was a one time event and it's going to stay that way. You need to focus on being positive, living positive, and staying positive. It's not easy, and there are times when it's hard, but it is possible. Right now, I'd strongly suggest a hefty dose of retail therapy and a little meditation. It really does get the ball rolling.
I get being an emotional wreck. I spent two solid weeks locked in my apartment, pouring over Google for any shred of information I could find, and suffered my primary on Christmas Eve (Yeah, the irony of unwrapping the "gift that keeps on giving" on that day, well, I'll never forget that.) It's not an easy feeling to shake, and the only way you're going to get your emotional balance back is by continuing to gather information and move forward one step at a time. Don't try and take this on all at once. Break it into pieces and tackle them one at a time.
Understanding your test results is step one. Understanding herpes, step two. Understanding who you are, step three. Understanding acceptance, forgiveness, and happiness, step four. Understanding what women want in a relationship, step five through 867,530,900.
Now, last question: Should you take Valtrex? Not unless you are experiencing frequent OB's that are disrupting your life OR you're in a serodiscordant relationship and trying to prevent transmission to your partner. In fact, most doctors would not recommend you take suppressive drugs unless there was a reason. In truth, you're better off allowing your body to develop the antibodies and learn to fight this on it's own without medication. Let biology work in your favor in this regard.
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New to H and considering disclosing but need help/advice
in The herpes talk: disclosing
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Hi VerySad,
I'm going to hit you with the wet blanket early: This isn't the guy to disclose to, at least not yet.
You've known him a couple of weeks. In that time, he's shown you that there is a very real possibility he'd reject you based on the HSV2. Could you educate him on the connection between HSV and Shingles, Chicken Pox, etc. in the future? Possibly, but not yet. From what you've written, he's not anywhere near being mature enough to process the information.
Should you continue to get to know him? Why not. There's no harm whatsoever in that, but like Kenny Rogers said "Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em." Remember, your heart and your emotions are paramount, and you've had a rough road when it comes to romance. Don't expose yourself until you are 100% confident that he's not going to be the next in that list of terrible experiences.
I'll tell you a quick story. I was talking with someone today, and she related a story from her college days to me. She dated a guy with HPV, and it took him 3 months before he disclosed to her. When he did, she was very understanding and they had some wonderful times together. Bottom line: there's no need to rush it. Wait until it's right. When it's right, everything will fall into place.
You're struggling with the diagnosis; that's normal, and we all go through that. It is tough. That's why you need to focus on you; focus on your needs, your wants, your healthy emotional state. I'll be bold in saying that it sounds like you're basing some of your emotional health off what he might think of you, and seeking partners to fill voids in your life and self-perception. That's a road fraught with peril.
While you have seen it in the doctor's office, and you know it's not a big deal, now you're on this side of the table; it's a different view, and now you're feeling the stigma that comes with it. Is that stigma justified? Of course not. But, until you believe that, until that stigma doesn't bother you in the slightest...it's a good idea to protect your heart and not risk getting hurt any more than you already are.