HerryTheHerp
-
Posts
584 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by HerryTheHerp
-
-
First, get your partner on this page. This is going to be the best resource you will find anywhere on the net, or in person.
Paranoid? Why? Did he know you had HSV when you started having sex? If he did, then it's his choice, and you can't hold yourself responsible for other people's choices. It's a choice he made out of love, and if he loves you, he accepted the risk because his love for you is 100X stronger than his concern over a few bumps and blisters. Trust me when I say that fear in a relationship is a poison you don't want; focus on the love.
As far as doc's in DC? Here's a list, but I can't say that I know any of them. Read through the list, and maybe do some searches to see what their reputations are.
-
Stop worrying. I agree with Willow and think you should see where it leads. Who knows? Maybe this is the fish in the sea you've been waiting to hook?
Look, as we get older we accumulate "skeletons" in our closets. Old relationships, health conditions, likes/dislikes, experiences, the list goes on and on. Get to know this guy. Let him get to know you. Don't let a skin condition scare you. Now, if he breaks out crackers in bed or reaches for the remote before the 3rd date, well, those are dealbreakers.
-
Try some aloe or lemon balm. I've used both and they work wonders.
No more swimming? I wouldn't say so. I've never heard of chlorine being a trigger. The sun, that's another story. Some people get a little too much solar time and it triggers OB's. If you want to find out if it triggers it for you, try going to an indoor pool and see what happens. If you get an OB afterwards, you'll know.
-
Congratulations! That sounds rather interesting. Good luck and hope you have a wonderful date.
So what if you have herpes? Maybe he does, too? Maybe he won't care? Maybe he'll fall madly in love with you and this is the romance of your dreams? Only one way to find out, right?
As far as suppressive therapy goes, well, it's a crap shoot. Depends on your body, how well your immune system is keeping it in check, and a lot of other factors. If I remember, you have HSV1, so I'd say your body should get that in check rather easily with a little time and your OB's should clear up and pretty much go away.
-
Oh, no they are not.
Look, I've done everything I can to piss my herpes off. I've eaten so much chocolate that Hershey's stock skyrocketed. I've smoked so many cigarettes that Phillip Morris had to plant three new fields. In both cases, the companies have put me on the payroll simply because if I go, they have to lay people off. Just last week I got so schnockered some pirate came to my door and asked me where all the rum went.
I've gone days without sleep. Been so stressed that my blood pressure went through the roof. Shaved, and suntanned, too. I've even (Hail Mary full of grace, going to have to go to confessional for this one,) masturbated...
Know what? Nada. Not a single tingle. Not a single outbreak.
Can those things trigger H? Sure, and you do have to learn your body's triggers because we are all different. But, like I said, so far, they haven't done anything to me.
-
It's happening. I am officially writing a book about people living with herpes. Now, I'm a professional writer so that shouldn't be too surprising. It's not even surprising that the H Opp Forum is full of some amazing people who are sharing their stories with me and letting me include them in this project. I am so stoked that if you could feel my nipples right now you'd think I'd just scored Katy Perry's phone number!
Why is this important? Well, because the story needs to be told. And, two, well, I have a crush on Katy Perry. Seriously though, your story needs to be told. Your story is our story, and our story, well, there's someone out there who just got the news and needs to know that everything is going to be ok. Our story is a story for them to learn from and heal from; and I want us to tell it.
If you're interested in being part of the book, let me know. I'm looking for guys and gals who have made it to the end of the tunnel (or are close) and can inspire others to make that same journey. We've been guided along that journey by people like Adrial and Dancer, and now it's our chance to step up to the plate and do the same for others. Let's start changing the discussion together as a group.
A couple of notes:
If you're interested, send me a message here. I'll send you a questionnaire to get started. Further, I'm in the process of setting up an email/skype account just for this project, and I'll do that this weekend and give you the details. Right now, I have 15 people on board (including Dancer, Adrial, and myself), and I need 10 more.
Your name will not be included in the book if you don't want it to be. That's right, you get to pick a pseudonym. I'll even help you do that Mr. Jon NunyaBusiness.
Total time commitment from you: Less than 5 hours over the next 3 months.
Publishing Date: August
-
Peggy, what a beautiful post! Congratulations, and welcome into the light! I'm just a step behind you in that tunnel, and looking forward to basking in the same glow here in the next couple of weeks.
BTW, I'm writing a book about people's experiences with H, and the journey towards the point you're at. If you're interested, I'd love to include your story in that.
-
Well, I think you're reading too much into his response. I think it's genuine. Sure, he might have been through it before. He might have gotten educated then. Is it possible he has it? Maybe. But, whether he does or doesn't, you've got a golden ticket here to hold onto: That's forgiveness and acceptance. Grab it and don't look back. Look forward to tomorrow, and know that you've made it through this, the next disclosure is going to be a lot easier.
-
If you're really worried about it, go on suppressive therapy, use condoms, and sleep in your PJ's so you don't rub it into your eyes in the night. I don't think you need to do all that, though. I think you've probably got an established infection that just, after a long, long time, showed itself. That means the risk of autoinnoculation isn't there, so you can't transfer it anywhere.
Now, I think you're worrying over nothing. Did your doctor type test the HSV to confirm 1 or 2? You should check that if you don't know. Also, your husband should get tested. If he has it, there's nothing you need to worry about.
-
Hey, I'm sorry if I was too harsh. It's been a rough day for me. Probably shouldn't be dishing advice when my own mistakes are staring me in the face.
Ok, well, stop beating yourself up. That's not going to get you anywhere. We've all been there, and we've all done it.
We all want to be happy. I know that feeling all to well in this moment. We all want to be loved. There's no better feeling in the world.
Ok, so you have herpes. It's confirmed. That clears that up. I'd say I'm sorry, but hey, if you didn't, and I didn't, we never would have met. So, let's count our blessings!
What to do? You need to tell him. The sooner the better. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. Yeah, the timing sucks, but that's life sometimes. When you do it, do it in person. And, stay strong. Give him the whole story the same way you did here. Honest, straight, truth. That's the only option right now. If he's an officer and gentleman, he's gonna take it well, and if not, well, we're gonna be here to hold your hand as you get through it. That's a promise.
-
Ok, I'm going to get the tough love out of the way first. Unprotected sex with someone you hardly know in the era of HIV/AIDS is like playing with fire. Military or no military, you get those papers in hand before you ever go down that road. There are far worse things than Herpes out there.
Now, we're all human, but best of intentions don't overshadow our actions even in the heat of the moment. One thing I don't see is whether you have HSV2 or not. Your ex had it, but you don't say you've been tested and had that confirmed. Just because your ex had it, doesn't mean you do. There are couples together for years who never transmit it. Unless you've had a verified outbreak or test result, don't assume you have it.
OK?
So, let me assume the worst, and that you do have HSV2. Transmission would be between 4-10% risk. That's pretty low. Does that mean you're in the clear? No. You're still going to have to tell him. You need to be honest and up front with him right now. You need to get all your information together, all your facts, and be straight with him. You're going to have to find some inner confidence and tell him in such a way that shows you're hurt about having herpes, but not hurt BY herpes.
Now, you both messed up. He should have put a rubber on. Period. If he comes back at you, well, unprotected sex is a two way street. But, if he's a good guy, which it sounds like he might be alright, he's gonna realize that. He put himself at risk just as much as you did, so, like it or not, you're in it together.
As far as the military goes, well, herpes is not a dealbreaker as long as it doesn't interfere with his MOS. I've known plenty of guys and gals in the military with HSV2 and HSV1, and well, it's not that big of an issue.
-
That's a tough one. I'd say wait until he's there in person. 90 miles isn't too long of a drive; if it was a plane ride, I'd suggest over the phone. but, since it's not that far, well, do the deed face to face.
First, take a deep breath. Get your facts down cold. Practice in a mirror. That's right, get used to doing it so you've got the speech rehearsed and ready to go. Do you have a friend nearby who knows? Have them practice with you. That'll help and they can give you feedback.
Feel guilty? You shouldn't. You didn't do anything wrong, and if he really likes you, he's gonna see just how scared you are, and he's gonna wrap his arms around you and listen with all his heart.
-
-
I'd say you probably did get it from your recent boyfriend. It seems to fit the pattern.
OB triggers vary from person to person. Some people report that sex triggers theirs; but not all. A good rule of thumb: slow it down, lube it up, take it easy. At least for the first year until your body gets fully acclimated to your new virally enhanced bloodstream.
How many ob's? Good question. Again, it varies. Some people have one, and then never have another. If you notice a continued pattern, you might want to go on suppressive therapy to keep it under control.
Shedding? That's tough. You'll usually feel a prick or a tingle when you shed. If you notice that, you're probably shedding. It's one of the hardest things to track, and you'll just have to learn your body's way of telling you "Hey, you're shedding!"
Unprotected sex always carries a greater risk of transmission, especially if you're not on antivirals. Wrap it up before you let him tap it up. Also, having HSV1 or 2 puts you at greater risk for other STD's. This is because it opens up wounds that make it easy for them to get inside you...make darned sure you've been tested for everything before you go that route. If your boyfriend already has HSV1, there's no risk of transmission, but the only way to know is for him to get tested.
-
Well, HSV1 doesn't shed at the same rate as 2. In fact, when it's down below, it's a lot tamer. It's not more difficult to get on your genitals, it's actually one of the fastest growing infections because it's so easy to get down there, and most people don't realize that it's transmitted via oral sex. So, there you have it.
Lysine helps, as does plenty of rest, and taking care of yourself. You'll still want to tell your partners about your HSV1, but about 80% of the population has it, so it shouldn't ever be much of a concern.
-
Well, I'd say you're doing alright, and that you've got a pretty good handle on how to live with herpes and keep it from being a negative in your life. It also sounds like you've found a pretty good guy and want to see how it develops.
So, from a guy's perspective. Worst time to have the talk? Right after the deed is done. Nothing like having that post-coital cigarette and hearing "Hey, got something I forgot to tell you." Oh, that's bad. That'll kill the afterglow very quickly.
Now, a better approach is to be completely honest, calm, and self-assured when you disclose. Get your facts together, get a list of sites together he can do his own research on if he wants, and just let things roll out when you feel it's the right time. Before you do, make sure your values, goals, and personalities line up; ask lots of questions and get to know him really well. That'll give you clues into who he is and what he thinks about things like everything from herpes and other STD's to children. Once you have all that, that's when you should have the talk. Do it in a private place, like a park or somewhere comfortable; Don't do it at home, either yours or his; those aren't neutral, and you want to do it in a neutral place.
As far as outbreaks and stats? Well, everyone is different. You can have "silent" outbreaks and never know it; you can also shed and never know it. Thus, if you're in an intimate relationship, suppressive therapy and condoms will go a long way towards preventing transmission. Do you know if you have 1 or 2? You'll want to find out (it's also a good thing to bring up in the disclosure as about 80% of American adults have 1).
-
Hey Cutey,
I'm so sorry, and you're not alone. Not by a longshot. Feel that big warm feeling in your heart right now? That's me giving you a big hug and saying it's going to be ok.
77? Is that a reference to your birth year? If it is, we've got that in common. It was a good year to be born. Music sucked, but hey, it was the 70's right? :)
So, the guy couldn't get past the H? Well, his loss. I know that sounds pithy, but look at it objectively. H is a skin condition. When we get older, we face everything from cancer to Alzheimer's. At this stage in the game, do you really want a guy who's gonna bail over a skin condition? I don't. Well, I don't want a guy, but you get the idea. I want someone who is going to recite Churchill and storm the ramparts by my side. Don't you?
You can do it again, and again, and again. Why? Because finding a partner for life is about finding someone who won't bail on the little things. Finding a partner for life is about finding that one person in the world who's got your back no matter what life throws your way. That's the guy you want to find. That's the guy you want to give your love and your heart to.
-
I would say something else is going on. Dryness isn't really a symptom of herpes, or a side effect of either valtrex or acyclovir. It could be just irritation you're feeling as internal blisters heal. Could also be psychological related to your recent diagnosis.
I'd say try plenty of lube in the meantime and see if it helps. If not, go see your gynecologist and see what they can tell you.
-
Well, I'm going to put a smack down and a rant on before I dispense any advice 'cause I'm in kind of a mood tonight. First, "clean." Jesus Herpes Christ. Yep, it's about that offensive. Hate to tell you this, but you're not "clean;" You might have an incurable, contagious STD (read further.) Does that make you dirty? No, it makes you human, but using the word "clean" to describe it, well, it grates my nerves worse than listening to Carrot Top perform.
Viral shedding is tricky. You really can be shedding from anywhere, regardless of if you've had a noticeable OB there or not. Condoms and antivirals are your best bet to prevent transmission, as is not having sex when you are having an OB or going through prodomes.
Now, last bit of advice. Pretty obvious it was herpes? Nothing is pretty obvious when it comes to herpes, and herpes can look like a lot of different things, and a lot of different things can look like herpes. You and your girlfriend need to go in and get type tested before you go any further. You need to know (if) you have herpes, whether it's 1 or 2, and whether or not she does or doesn't. This is important and you shouldn't delay. Do it before you decide to do it, got it?
-
Hey Kat,
Well, doctors know about as much about herpes as I do about car repair...that's to say, they get a 15 minute lesson in school, and then they're about on their own to learn the rest.
As far as risk, you definitely should be using condoms. That said, you've had it a long, long time. That means the virus is going to be shedding a lot less, and your transmission risk is lower. Valtrex and condoms, I'd tell your boyfriend not to worry, too much. Be cognizant, but not too fearful.
And, I'd say get him in here. It won't hurt for him to read through the stories and information. It's some good stuff and lots of support for both of you.
-
Take it one step, one day at a time. That's all any of us can do, diseases or no diseases.
Now, as far as feeling dirty, well, we've all been there. But, like the Dancer said, there's a lot of us, and if it wasn't herpes, it could be cancer, or AIDS, or psoriasis. We're human. We get sick. That's life, and it doesn't make us dirty; it makes us mortal, and that's all.
Chin up. You've had some real crap thrown your way, but you know what, you're still standing upright and that's the first step to recovery. Just know that you've got a lot of people here that are ready to hold you up when you feel like you're going to fall.
-
Hey, Well, HSV1 is about as common as they come. In fact, about 80% of adults have it. So, you really have nothing to feel too guilty about.
Look at it this way: You're out of a bad relationship. That's a good thing. Being in a bad relationship will only bring you down and make you miserable. It's better to be alone than to feel bad with someone who's supposed to love and support you. I know it may not seem like it now, but trust me, this is a blessing.
Being in the dating pool is scary. There's lots of sharks, a bunch of jellyfish without spines, and a handful of guppy's who always want to mess up your day. It's a big ocean, and getting out there to explore it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. And, you feel like you have a scarlet "H" on your chest all the time. But, the truth is, we all have our own Scarlet H's on our chest. Life gives them to us, and we learn to either hide our heads in shame, or hold them up high. It's a choice; and if you hold your head high, well, the next guy you attract isn't going to be a snake...he's going to be a gentleman who loves you and treats you the way a lady should be treated.
-
Hey TumTum,
It's a lot on your plate. My advice: Take it in small bites. It'll go down easier and be easier to digest.
As far as getting down to business and having some nookie? Well, go for it (After you get the all clear on the HIV tests, k?) Once you do that, there's no risk of retransmitting or anything else. Have fun, enjoy each others company, and stay positive. That'll go a long way towards helping him recover.
And, just so you know, sex is good for the immune system...just throwing that out there.
-
Hi TumTum,
Welcome to the club. As part of your initiation, you'll receive blisters, directions to your nearest pharmacy, and a whole host of supportive and encouraging comments.
First, I'm gonna break out the tough love. Unprotected sex in the era of HIV/AIDS is not only foolish, it's playing Russian roulette with your life. Casual sex is fine, condoms are a must until you've got papers in your hand that say "HIV free." That's one you can't afford to not be perfect on, Ok? That's my two cents there. If you haven't been tested for that, you need to, and so does your boyfriend.
As far as your current situation, well, cancer trumps herpes every time. There are a couple of people on this forum who have, or have had, both. Both suck, but that cancer diagnosis sure does put herpes into perspective. Yes, having cancer can make the herpes worse, but that's not a definite. Everyone is different, and attitude has a lot to do with getting through both. Terminal diagnosis? My ass. There is no such thing as far as I'm concerned. My grandfather and my grandmother both had "Terminal" cancer; both kicked its butt. I'd suggest your boyfriend tell his doctor that it ain't over 'til the fat lady finishes her warm-up. I believe in respecting your elders; and showing utter contempt for the Grim Reaper.
Now, could you have had herpes before your current partner? Yeah, and given what you wrote, I'd say that's probably the case. It's a sneaky virus and can lay around dormant for a long time before you know about it. You're fortunate that this is bringing you two closer together. I am terribly sorry you're having to deal with it at all on top of the cancer. That's got to be tearing you up, and you have my heartfelt wishes that you both stand tall through this.
Now, stop beating yourself up. What's done is done. Did you know you had herpes? No. Could you have been more responsible, safer? Yeah. Does any of that matter now? No. The past...is the past.
Right now, you're in love. You've got a man that loves you, and you love him. That's worth it's weight in chemo and valtrex combined. Doctors may tell you what medicines you can take, etc., but the reality is that the most effective medicine on earth is love. That stuff cures anything. Like Patsy Cline said, stand by your man. He'll appreciate it, you'll grow from it, and you'll grow together through the process.
In the meantime, we're here anytime you need a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to, or a smile to cheer you up.
.jpg)
got a new partner but didnt tell her I got herpes
in The herpes talk: disclosing
Posted
Well, you should tell her. That's the right thing to do, and tough love, you should have told her before you got intimate.
Additionally, what about other STD's? If you haven't gotten the paperwork and shared it with each other, well, in the era of HIV that's just not a good idea. Everyone likes sex; no one likes dying for the pleasure.
HSV1 is extremely common. Almost 80% of Americans over 30 have it. Can she catch it by giving you oral? Yes, she can. Especially if you're having outbreaks. You need to tell her.
Can she "move it to your mouth", no. You've had an established infection for a while and there's a very, very, very small chance she could do that.