StillLearningInPacNW

abbyroad: Wow. Some of the challenges you're working on are very familiar to me. I really have to echo WCSDancer's comments regarding your depression issues. I absolutely would accept much more trouble with herpes if I just didn't have to ever deal with bouts of depression again. Unless one has experienced it, you can't understand the grip depression can have. My herpes is an annoyance, but my depression is immobilizing. For me, resisting depression is my #1 continuous priority. If I have a herpes OB, I can still carry on with the rest of my life fairly well. But if a bout of depression sneaks up on me, everything else in my life comes to a halt. I'd say, get that depression under control so you can successfully work on other issues. If meds are required, so be it (at least til you feel “stabilized”).

tryingtosmile: some semi-rambling thoughts that one of your posts inspired: I don't think I've ever felt that my “H-ness” rendered me “disgusting”. Terms such as “un-appealling” or “damaged goods”, now those are some self-recriminations I AM familiar with. In the same way that there are 1000's of other women who are struggling with the feelings you describe, so too are there 1000's of other men who echo my worries. What I'm clumsily attempting to point out is, try not to tell yourself that the waiter has suddenly refused to serve you. You don't have to quit dining, you just have to move from the lunch menu to the dinner menu. The selections are different, and the food is probably better prepared.

Thanx for the input, Yadira. I'm under the impression that one can test positive for the presence of herpes ANTIBODIES (resulting from exposure to the virus) without having ever shown symptoms, but the presence of the herpes VIRUS can only be positively confirmed via testing during an outbreak. Was that distinction discussed when you were diagnosed? I'm not dead sure about this area. I could be way misinformed on this. What do you think?

Oooops,sorry. The line in my Comment that read:"For years I haven't been unwilling to risk..." should have read: "For years I have been unwilling to risk...". One can never proofread too many times. StillLearningInPacNW

I just joined this site and have been reading some of the posts. The ones from "thiscantbelife" (December 26 ) and Jess330 (October 2012) particularly caught my eye. Although I'm not a doctor or even employed in any medically-related field, I AM a "mature" male who has had herpes for over 30 years. During those years, I've tried to keep up with the latest knowledge about herpes. So, for what its worth, here's my story followed by my best understanding of the herpes bug. Because an infected partner can carry the virus for years and not show any symptoms and not even know they are infected, I have no idea when or by which female I was infected. My early outbreaks were frequent and always caused about 14 days of vicious discomfort. The outbreaks were directly related to my stress levels, so an outburst of anger was the quickest way to trigger an outbreak for myself. For much of my “young-adult” life I was a short-tempered hothead, so I had lots of outbreaks. None of the meds I tried had much effect. Eventually I realized that I had to make a change, so I aggressively pursued a zero-stress lifestyle, and it worked. My outbreaks have been “infrequent” for many years. AS I UNDERSTAND IT, the presence of the virus can only be positively confirmed if testing is done during an outbreak. An infected person can carry the virus for years without ever having symptoms, and still be able to transmit it to someone else. Care should be taken not to touch any sores and then immediately rub your eyes. The fluid of the eyes can provide an “expressway” to the brain, where the virus can wreak some real havoc. And here's the factor that is still really messing with my life: the virus isn't just sexually-transmitted. It can be present in basically any bodily fluid, including saliva. So, even though the risk is low, it can still theoretically be transmitted by an innocent lip-to-lip kiss or by sharing a drinking glass or spoon with someone. For years I haven't been unwilling to risk sharing a glass of juice or a spoonful of dessert with my precious stepdaughter, for fear of passing on my very undesirable bug. It is not fun. I welcome any contradictory info you may want to offer, as long as it is fact-based and not just casual hearsay. I originally accessed this site seeking some input from a female penpal or two, so get in touch with me if you would like to correspond. And I hope the above note will be helpful to at least one fellow “herpezoid”.