Terrifiedtotell

First post here, just joined today. I have had this thing now for the better part of 4 years. Other than the person I have gotten it from ( he never knew he had it), I have never spoken to anyone about it, let alone a potential new love interest. I just thought, well, I will not have sex ever again, or fall in love and have a relationships. My whole dating life has always been a shit show from the very beginning. I am 44, still have frequent OB, especially around my period, when stressed, or any other change in life. My only saving grace are some gummies I take every day, as they limit my OB to a few during the year. I am a generally very anxious person, have insomnia, and some more bullshit I have no control over, or know how to fix. Therapy is not an option…as it is too expensive and I simply don’t have the funds for that. Anyway, enough rambling, here’s the issue: I have met someone. Someone I have developed feelings for. The last time I had these kind of feelings was in 2012, so it comes as a surprise to me, because I didn’t even know I could still feel like this. But…I have this H thing. I am mortified. I am ashamed. Men have ever only wanted me for my body, and for the way I look. Now that I am also physically broken, broken at the only thing men have ever wanted me for, I don’t have much hope of any man accepting me and this thing. I don’t handle rejection well at all, because I also have ADHD and well, rejection sensitivity dysphoria is a thing. I also have a very fucked up attachment style, which is the reason my dating life has always been a disaster. I don’t know know to handle this. I am mortified. Mortified of the Continued rejection that has been a constant in my life even without this added bullshit. I am scared, and I am angry.