loveactuallyis

Hey all! It's been awhile since I've been back here, and it's good to be around such inspiring people--I needed it. I was diagnosed with HSV2 in January and told the guy I had just started dating shortly afterwards. We have a fantastic connection and I'm glad he was cool about it--asked a lot of questions and we talked about it for a long while. Now it's three months later. Everything is going great (we're even planning a summer trip to Europe together) but we haven't been intimate since (or talked about it since). I think we like each other so much that we're both just trying to ignore the fact that it is there, because it makes it more difficult. Back when we spoke I told him that I wanted him to take as long as he needs to be comfortable with it, and we decided not to have sex. I've given him for oral; but other than that, nothing. I know that he needs time to process this, and luckily I know he cares about me a lot. However, the last few days its just gotten me down a lot. For a while I even stopped thinking about it but now it's like its crawling back heavily into my mind. I'm scared that it will in fact break us apart--which makes me sad, because we are perfect for each other. Not sure what answers I'm looking for on here--just curious if anyone's gone through anything similar. Could really use some advice on where to go from here. Thanks so much-you guys are the greatest.

Thank you for the nice messages!! glad to be here too :):) nice to meet you all!

I'm pretty sure that Ralph Waldo Emerson and I were soulmates in a past life. *sigh!* Anyways, here are some from him that always make me smile: "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." "People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character." but my FAVORITE is from Maya Angelou, which I always try to remember in every aspect of my life: "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Hello new friends! First off, you are all INCREDIBLE. I truly mean it! It takes a ton of courage to share these kinds of feelings, and all of you should realize that just in that sense alone, you’re SURVIVING! Also, much love to Adrial. You’re the best. And now my story begins! Last week I got that “WTF” phone call I think most of us can relate to. I, like many people, have never had any symptoms and was blown away by this diagnosis. “Wait, are you sure this is right?!” “But I’ve been so careful!” “How could this happen to me?!”, “Alright that’s it! I’m going to kill the asshole who gave me this!” and so on. ☺ Next cue the fall into despair, the not being able to want to leave my bed, the “I’m going to spend every birthday, holiday, oh lord say it isn’t so: EVERY VALENTINES DAY alone forever! Ahhhh!” But then, as if some sort of strange hopeful light shed over me, I realized everything is going to be OKAY. In fact, it’s going to be more than okay: it’s going to be BETTER. The more I started reading about hsv2, the more I realized what I’m sure all of us know now, as evidenced by being here: we are not alone! And not only are we not alone, but we’re LUCKY. This skin condition will do next to nothing in terms of physical damage. There are millions of people out there dealing with illnesses and struggles that make our little hsv look like a small boulder in an enormous and vast mountain range. My dear friend just recently found out she has MS; I told her about how I’m struggling with this. Her reaction: “You’re lucky that’s all you have. I’d trade with you any day” She was right. Here I was drowning in self- sorrow in my bed, sulking about my life and there she was, standing strong and ready to fight a battle that will be loads more difficult than mine. There will always be those who are less fortunate; and, what makes me love this crazy world even more, is that they will find hope and faith amongst it all. We should learn all we can from them! But, I know that doesn’t mean that this will be easy. Everyone’s struggle is a tear of the heart. One cannot truly compare bad days with bad days. And yes, you will have bad days. Yes, there will be people, particularly significant others or possible lovah’s (Will Ferrell voice), that won’t understand. They won’t take the time to read the facts and learn that it’s really not that big of a deal. That there are significant things you can do to limit the transfer of hsv (1% with a condom and medication annually! You’re just as likely to get hit by a car! Doesn’t stop you from crossing the road, right?!) And in the long run, it really does nothing to the physical body. It really is just a little skin condition that, sadly, has WAY too much of an unnecessary stigma. And you know what, LET those people go. Let them walk away. They aren’t the ones for you. Every time we enter a relationship, we take risks and face struggles. And if you have someone that’s willing to throw you (who is freaking awesome) away because of this, then you better believe when things get really tough, they’ll be looking towards the door. Is that the kind of person you want to give you entire heart to? Heck no! Hold out for the real thing! YOU WILL find love. I’ve already told the guy I’ve been dating for a couple months and he’s not sprinting for the door. He’s reading up on it, learning all that he can, because he cares about ME. Who knows: he might be “the one”; he might not. And if it turns out he’s not, it won’t be because of dumb HSV. All in all: he gives me hope! And hope is a powerful thing. I was blown away by something my doctor said this morning. She said “ Ok, I’m going to say something that is not by any means a medical opinion. It’s a personal opinion after dealing with people with HSV 2 for over ten years I’ve been in this career. Use this to your advantage! Use it to weed all the crappy and negative people out of your life that aren’t worth your love; that don’t deserve your full trust. I think you’ll be happy to find in time that it can be a blessing.” As you can already tell, my doctor is brilliant and the absolute BEST. And she made me feel 1000% times better. She sees patients constantly with this and, what made me feel even better is that she’s delivered thousands of babies from women with HSV—and they were ALL healthy, never had a problem! When I told her I didn’t want to be alone the rest of my life, she actually laughed at me ☺ and said “girl, you’re absolutely crazy. I know for a fact that won’t be true!” And use this to make yourself HEALTHIER! HSV THRIVES when we are stressed & unhealthy. I already realize that I’ve subconsciously been eating better the last week and have MADE myself get up to run each morning! In the process I’ve lost a pound! woo hoo! I’m already doing better! ☺ Nobody leaves life unscathed. It’s a treacherous journey and a lot of can be a sprint uphill. But it’s a beautiful one too. We’re all flawed, but we were designed to SURVIVE. You are going to be FINE, you WILL find love, and when all else fails; put your anger, frustrations, regrets and most importantly, HOPE, into something bigger than yourself. If you can put everything in perspective and love yourself truly, a year from now you might be saying “HEY, my life’s kind of better since that shitty time I found about you, hsv. Thanks hsv for being a part of my life! You’re not so bad after all!” You were freaking awesome before you found out about this “skin condition” (yes, that’s all it is) and you’re just as freaking awesome now. Anyways, sorry I got carried away and this ended up writing a damn novel, but I really wanted to share all of these thoughts with you! I know what it’s like to sit on here reading all of these entries to feel better—so I thought I’d put myself out there too like all you brave people! It broke my heart hearing about the feelings of absolute despair many of you have, and trust me I can relate to them, but please try to keep a positive attitude! Bottom line of all my rambling: you’re going to be fine! No, you’re not going to be fine. YOU’RE GOING TO BE BETTER THAN FINE. If we weren’t supposed to thrive from this, 25% of the population would be in a shit ton of trouble. It’s likely our economy would be falling apart because of all the depressed herpes people who can’t get out of bed ☺ If you ever want to talk, I’m here! In the meantime, watch this awesome (and one of my favorite!) videos by the incredible word artists Shane Koyczan! I promise it’ll make you feel better! ☺ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPU3t-x3Vz4 Much love, MB