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Real long story short(ish): Been great friends with a guy for many years, and we were there for each other through relationships and breakups and life's up and downs. Eventually, within the last few years, we started a romantic relationship. Things happen as they do, and one night, with spit and touching and kissing and things, led to me having HSV-1 both oral and genital as of a few months ago. We both, I thought, were cleared of any STD and such, but he honestly feels bad. I believe that. And he didn't really register or think a small scab in his nose was that until k mentioned what was happening to me. We never discussed the scab other than he was previously sick and blew his nose a lot and his nose was dry........ My blood test then was negative, meaning initial outbreak and newly infected. I asked him to get a blood test after. His was HSV-1 positive. I had a horrible primary outbreak, and then while going through that, ended up getting covid. (Not sure if that's why my current oral recurrance is much the same as the primary. My immune was overloaded then and didnt do a good enough job suppressing it?) I had tonsillitis and very painful and the worst thing about it all. Worse than the painful genital sores. I have had a recurring genital outbreak since, not really painful, just one or two sores, and gone. Not the worst. But now just had a recurring oral outbreak, and based on my research, shouldn't have happened like this since the primary outbreak. Nothing on my lips. Only intraorally. Gums swollen. Sores on gums and inside cheeks. And again, sores on tonsils and tonsillitis. So dang painful! Couldn't swallow without feeling glass. No appetite. And now, I am having anxiety about this returning. On my tonsils. Be careful what you wish for, but the genital I'd be "okay" with. Even a cold sore on the lip I think (don't want that either and haven't had that) but the painful swollen tonsils!!!!! Makes me question, why me with this "rare" part of oral herpes. I am spiraling. Research doesn't help much. Does HSV-1 oral really reoccur less as time goes on?! So many questions with no definitive answers. The pain..... my tonsils!!! I fear the antivirals due to rare side effects, and this is already "rare" on tonsils past primary outbreak. I fear and have anxiety to the point of getting nauseous and feeling horrible over having it again and again and at unknown and possibly the worst times. I don't know what to do. I feel no one gets it.... how do I go on ? How do I be okay ....?