LonelyGuy

She was initially okay with it. She got tested and was negative. We continued to have sex, but I think her friends/doctor helped influence her decision. She eventually said that it was a factor in our breakup. Of course, I should have been more clear and upfront. I think, if there are any other little questions or things in the relationship that need work, HSV serves to magnify those, and ultimately pushes the relationship into a 'not worth it / too hard basket'.

I made the mistake of not being upfront as early as I should have been. I disclosed when I thought there may be some threat of an outbreak. I'm not experienced with disclosing - only once before in my previous relationship when it appeared and was diagnsed two years into the relationship. I know I didn't cheat and I don't believe she did either.

Thanks. I appreciate the help and advice. Just so frustrating when, at least in my case, it's nearly all about the stigma rather than the condition itself.

Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Hi, I really struggle with some of the advice offered on dealing with herpes and disclosing, which ultimately results in me having a lonely and celibate life. I have HSV-2. I'm heterosexual. Although I hear bad stories about people having regular outbreaks etc, that is not me. My HSV-2 means that about once every two to three years, I get a small red mark on my lower abdomen. As soon as I feel the tingle, I take Valtrex and it goes in a few days. Frankly, the common cold is more common and more of a hindrance to me. However, the stigma is soul-destroying. I've watched some of the advice videos and read some of the articles but, for me, they seem to be more idealistic rather than realistic. In reality, these days, generally people have sex quite early on, and then decide if they want a relationship. All the advice offered seems to work the other way around, which doesn't really seem to fit with reality And as for any one-night or casual sex, I think the answer would be 'I'll pass' as soon as I disclose. Such is the stigma around this condition. Even though I have it, and know about it, I honestly think that if I were in the other person's shoes, I would probably move on. As an example, an ex-girlfriend and I were talking about it. She didn't have an issue with oral coldsores (HSV-1) as long as she didn't kiss the person during an outbreak, but it seems HSV-2 is a whole different beast (even though it's essentially the same thing - although it's still unclear to me if HSV-2 is the only one that sheds??). I understand that I can change my outlook, but then I feel that it doesn't really matter, because the other person's outlook is the one that matters (which brings us back to the power of the stigma). I really feel that celebacy has been pushed on me. I remember when sex was something that was fun, and something to be enjoyed. (On a side note, I'm walking proof that 'safe sex' with a condom isn't entirely safe) Sorry, I understand this post sounds negative, but that is my reality.