Gabe789

Two years I was diagnosed with herpes. At the time I was in an open relationship with someone I cared deeply about. After my diagnosis we stopped talking, after a while we started talking again and ended getting to a point where we were dating. Since then our relationship has been up and down with the highs being really high and lows being really low. After getting diagnosed I opened up to friends I grew up with and they all left me with no help because I was the problem. Before getting back together I planned a suicide but stopped when I realized that I would only be solving the problem for myself and not anyone else considering I was the one who was infected first I thought it was greedy and unfair and stopped. My relationship with my girlfriend has been all over the place because of the trust issues which I see as fair but all I have done is try to prove my loyalty. I have removed myself from all situations that previously lead to the issues before, and have spent every minute I have had with her to prove my loyalty. I have asked them to go to therapy with me to help but they have always refused. I think of myself as a horrible human, waste of space, whore and pathetic for taking pills to help me get over it. I know that is wrong but it is sadly the truth. It only makes it harder when my girlfriend wants to end things because of this and calls me all those names I end in going into a downward spiral where I see no help and an end to a relationship I have always valued. I have never loved anyone this much but even more because I have lost everyone I care about because of my choices and she is the only person besides my immediate family that has stayed by me in any way. To be honest I believe there is no help or fix to this issue. With that being said I have been told about this site from my mother who cares about me and wants me to be better. These types of things are not what I enjoy but the abyss I am in is getting to dark and deep to climb out of. Please any help is appreciated.