Hi Everyone,
New to the site and really appreciative for the new perspective it has given me regarding the hardest part of having this skin condition, the disclosure.
I have been seeing someone for a few weeks now and things are going great. We really seem to click and already have several inside jokes and nicknames for each other it has been the happiest I have been in quite some time. I really feel she feels the same way as I do about me (she actually references plans we will need to make in the long term) but I cannot help but worry that telling her about my herpes will change everything. Perhaps women look at a partner with herpes a different way that I think a guy might. I know there are many reasons she feels the way she does about me so far and none of them have to do with sex (actually there have been opportunities for a more physical interaction but she hasn't pressed the issue yet either), but as many of you know it is hard to see past this sometimes as a carrier to view the person you are.
I definitely plan on framing it as something important and personal I want to share with her because I feel such a strong connection to her. She has expressed her worry to me that she is going to be a rebound (I just got out of a long relationship a couple months ago) and I also feel this conversation is an opportunity to prove to her that she is more significant than being "the next girl." My natural tendency is humor and in that respect I have joked before about suppressive medication being very similar to my form of birth control, doesn't eliminate the risk but mitigates quite a bit of it along with other measures. I also feel it important to tell her about my story (I was passed it by a girlfriend who wasn't honest with me about her status) and share my experience from the 5 years I have had it along with all I know about the condition.
While I have had the discussion before, successfully (one also had it and the other one liked me enough to outweigh the risk) I really hope I am really overthinking how negative her reaction will be.
I have read some of the disclosure stories and it would be great to hear the perspective and disclosure experiences from people, especially those similar to me (male, 28 years old). Have each of you found more often than not that people are accepting? I know I would understand if I felt strongly about someone but the info available to people about this condition is overwhelmingly false and negative, plus I am biased as a carrier.
As I said, I feel the time is drawing close to talk, I have an idea of the right time and the weight of this is becoming my form of the Tell Tale Heart. Anyway, as I had said it would be great to hear others disclosure experience and maybe gain a female perspective on whether or not the person usually is more significant to the decsision than their skin condition might be.
Thanks in advance,
Nate