amber13

Okay thanks so much! This helps a lot :) So basically it is unlikely that I will get it in my genitals, but I could give it to someone elses genitals, however, if they already have type 1 also they will most likely not get it there. So if it transfers from my mouth to someones genitals would it be the same mild case in have in my mouth, or because now its genital would that make a difference?

@WCSDancer2010 I know I had a cold sore once as a child. And an ex that I was back and forth with the past 4 years I remember once that she had a cold sore on her lip and we never thought anything of it. So you're probably right then and it is oral. So does that mean I've never had an outbreak? Or I did once as a child? In regards to oral sex, would I just need to make sure my mouth seemed normal first? Can you tell if you're having an outbreak on your mouth? Other people had commented that they were able to tell easily when they were having a genital outbreak because it was painful and noticeable, is that not the case for your mouth? You're right, I should tell him in person. I'm just nervous, this is also unfortunate because in the past I always thought making out was the safe option compared to sex, I guess not though. So I guess in the future I need to tell people about this before we even make out? And since I have given oral sex to other people in the past and they've given it to me and we've kissed and things after that, does that mean like you said it's unlikely it will move down there seeing as it's had so many opportunities in the past and hasn't? Sorry I know I keep bombarding you with questions, I really appreciate the help :)

To everyone: Thanks so much for all your comments! I appreciate it a lot and it means a lot to know other people are out there who have gone through the same things. The support is helping a lot and I already feel much better about the whole thing :) Also, I called and it is HSV1, not 2, if that makes a difference. I guess that means it's oral? But could become both? Does anyone know if you have outbreaks orally as well, or if it transfers will you have noticeable outbreaks down there even if you never had noticeable oral herpes? Or will both types be as mild as the oral? @justagal85 - I'm glad things went so well with your fiance! And it's nice to know people can be so accepting of it. That is crazy he doesn't have it but it gives me hope :) Not to be rude, but do you know what kind you have? Maybe that makes a difference and that's why he hasn't gotten it? (If that's rude I'm sorry please don't feel like you have to answer) @ClementineK - Thank you so much for your comments :) Don't worry, I am not mad at whoever gave it to me. Although I assume the guy I work with gave it to me like you said it could have been a number of people. It could have happened years ago and I could have been giving it to people, I certainly hope not, but it is a possibility. I don't think the guy I work with would have knowingly given me anything. I haven't been very careful for so long now it's tough to say at what point I got it. @Sparklepony - I'm glad you were able to deal with your stress better as a result :) You're right, it's better to tell him now and get it over with. If the roles were reversed I'd rather be told now than have them wait. I was a lot more panicked at first because I thought, oh God, I may have just ruined this guys entire career in one night. But it's good to know that isn't the case. I'm glad when you had this conversation it went well :) @WCSDancer2010 - Thanks for all your help! (Side note, I had been looking over the forum before I posted a bit and noticed your name come up a lot. I was hoping you would comment on mine cause you seem to have really helpful comments, so I'm glad you did! lol) It is HSV1 as it turns out. And you're right, I forgot that it could come from kissing, and that means there's hundreds of other people that could've given it to me that I hadn't even considered. As for the guy, I hadn't considered that he may have not been tested for it. He probably hasn't. So hopefully if he does have it it wasn't necessarily me who gave it to him, although it seems unlikely he wouldn't blame me directly. Also, would it be terrible to tell him over text? I know the grownup thing to do would be to tell him in person. But I feel like if I tried I would either chicken out and not do it, start crying and not be able to explain well and make it seem worse than it is, or he would kick me out before I was really able to explain it. Again thanks to all of you for your help! It means more than you know.

Thanks so much both of you! Clementine you're probably right that I've never had an outbreak. I'm not sure what type it was, I feel like the doctor said 1 but I honestly was trying to get off the phone quickly before I started crying. I agree hopefully my sex life is not over, probably any kind of casual sexual relationship, but I can live with that. The issue is that he's not my boyfriend, we've been talking for a few weeks and like each other but we haven't had that talk yet. And the fact we've already had sex worries me, at least if we hadn't I could tell him the situation and he could decide if he wanted to keep talking or to end things without also having to worry that he had already contracted something. Yea, I am not sure what STD's he's been tested for. Considering that he has been with a lot more people than me I would assume if he hadn't been tested he may have already had it, but again I'm not sure. I have no idea how to tell him. I wish all people knew the truth about it, because I feel like many people (including me up until recently) wrongly assume that it's a horrible infection that's extremely obvious and means your life is over. I know the grown up thing is to tell him in person, but I feel like I will start crying and make things worse. But I'm not sure how I would even attempt to send a text that was appropriate. Also, not to rant, but I am not sure who I got it from. It could have been a number of people. But the past 6 months up until about a month ago I had been having sex with a guy I worked with in a strictly casual way. I am not sure that he gave it to me, but we had been having unprotected sex for about 6 months, and besides him almost every guy I had been with had been a once or twice type situation. And after the first time we had sex he told me how many people he'd been with. It was about 5 times larger than mine (and mine isn't particularly small). I felt like I should ask him how he knew he didn't have anything but I figured it was rude to ask and I naively assumed that since we worked together he wouldn't knowingly give me something. Even though our fling is over, I suspect he was the one who gave me it. But seeing as we still work together I don't particularly want to bring it up to him. Suggestions? Again thanks so much to both of you for helping, honestly your comments really meant a lot and made me feel much better :) ps. one last question, now that I have herpes but no outbreaks, should I try to only be with others who have similar lack of symptoms? aka can it get worse if I have sex with someone with worse symptoms than me? again, thanks for everything :)

Hi everyone! I just found out today I have it :/ I don't know what I'm going to do medication wise or anything yet...but my question is how do you know when you're having an outbreak? I feel like the past two years I've noticed white bumps on the skin around my clit not on my actual lips but around that clit area (like once you pull the lips back). I never thought it was herpes though cause they literally have never changed or moved or hurt or done anything. When I got tested last week my doctor looked and said it was "pristine" even though I'd gone to the bathroom right before and checked and saw them. I told her that and she assured me she saw nothing that looked like herpes, so I guess my question is, should I assume that is not a herpes outbreak (even though I know I have it)? Or is it but its never gone away and my doctor is wrong? Will I know when I'm having an outbreak? Does it hurt or something?

Hi! I'm really not sure what the chances are of passing it :/ My doctor told me it's literally like rolling a dice, but of course more likely when you are actually having an outbreak or having unprotected sex. But I honestly couldn't tell you for sure. But based on how long you've been having sex with him it is probably likely he has it. But you never know until you find out for sure. As far as I know I've never had an outbreak but I just found out today I have it :/

Hi! So I am a 21 year old girl and just found out today that I have herpes. I feel like my life is over. I am absolutely devastated. I don't know who gave it to me, or even if they knew they had it. I'm trying not to get to angry at anyone else for it, for all I know I've given it to people without knowing. I can't think of any way to handle it without killing myself. The worst part is that I recently started talking to a guy a few weeks ago. I rarely like people as more than a friend or hookup, but I actually really care about him a lot. We've had unprotected sex once about a week ago. The only reason I got checked in the first place is because he made a point of saying he was clean. He is a cage fighter in the MMA and had just gotten checked the week before. I told him the truth, that I'd never been tested because I'd never had a reason to. He said he was sure I was fine. I thought it would be best to check for sure though. So last week (we had sex Monday, I got tested last Friday) I got tested. I didn't tell him I was I was just doing it to be sure. I found out today that I don't have Gonorrhea or Chlamydia, but do have Herpes. I honestly wouldn't have cared about those other ones, those can actually be cured. This I will have for life. I would've rather found out I was pregnant or had cancer. Now I don't know what to do. I am hanging out with him this Friday and I'm not sure if I should see him anyways but make up an excuse for not having sex, just have sex and hope for the best, or just give up and decide to never see him again with no explanation. I absolutely hate myself. I wish I'd never found out in the first place. I'd rather not know and be happy. I feel like if I tell him he's going to hate me for forever, and I won't blame him, even though I didn't know I had it. And because he's an MMA fighter idk if he's able to fight with it. I've looked it up and it seems as though it should be fine. But still. And not to be crude but I have never liked sex before, and with him I actually do. And now, right when I actually realize it can be fun I found out I can never do it again and no one will ever love me again. I feel like I can't tell my friends or anyone. I can't make out with anyone cause I'm not sure how it spreads. Also, idk how to know if I'm having an outbreak. For the past few years I've noticed a few white bumps near my clit area (sorry if that's inappropriate) but they've never changed or gone away. When I got tested last week my doctor asked if she should look at it. I told her where I thought I saw stuff and she assured me the whole area was "pristine." So I guess that's nothing? Will I know if I'm getting an outbreak? Sorry, I realize this is an extremely long post. I just don't know what to do. I keep going back and forth. At first I thought it was like the worst thing ever, but then I found out and read that you may never have outbreaks and outbreaks for a lot of people are so mild you don't even notice them. But I feel like no one will ever realize that because of the stigma. Up until yesterday I thought it was gross and that when people had it it was like the horrible pictures they show you in health class in high school. I explained it to my brother and at first he panicked but by the end of it was like that doesn't sound that bad I'm sure a lot of people would still date you. But I just feel like dying. Sorry to bombard people on my first post, I just would love to have some feedback, either on my questions about what to do about this new guy or how to know I'm having an outbreak or even just to know other people have this. Thanks so much to anyone who even reads this :) I appreciate any help I can get :):)