QueenBee

Thank you for all of your support. Definitely helpful to have a place to ask questions. :)

I was very recently diagnosed. I actually ended up going to the ER because I didn't know WHAT was going on. I couldn't go to the bathroom, I was swollen, burning,sore and scared. In the ER, it was pretty much a joke (the $1100 bill was not). The DR rolled his eyes at me and then implied that my husband was cheating. Nobody wanted to answer my questions and nobody told me how prevalent it is or that it's manageable. I did get a shot "because with herpes, there are usually other STDs present." I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I went home and told my husband. I asked him if he had cheated on me (and I really already knew the answer was no) and of course, he said absolutely not. He was super supportive and said "it's a skin condition, not a death sentence. You and we are going to be fine." The next day, I went to my GYN. She took a culture, told me that it's what it looked to be and that so many people have it and most don't even know it. She said she'd like to deck that ER Dr. She said "it's a skin condition, this looks to be your first outbreak, it happens. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. WE will manage it and you will be fine." She gave me a Rx for Valtrex and told me to come back in a month so that she could have another look. I left feeling a little better. I called back a week later to confirm what I really already knew. The culture came back positive, but they didn't tell me what strain it was (I later learned from this website that's actually very helpful information). I've been with my husband for 5 years. We were both in our mid 30s when we met. We have both been married before, gone through divorces and while not promiscuous, the reality is that we both dated some before we met each other. This is the first time ever that I have had an outbreak that I am aware of, so there's that mystery. He has never had a visible outbreak (yes, this I would know). Now, if it turns out to be HSV1, that might be the missing piece of the puzzle, in my mind anyway. Best case scenario in my mind is that's what it turns out to be and that he is a carrier of it orally. My BIGGEST anxiety about all of it is transmitting it to him. I love him, want to protect him and never want to do anything to hurt him. I also don't want him to have to go through an outbreak or take Valtrex (and actually, if I could only take it for outbreaks, that would be fantastic). I can deal with the physical pain/discomfort and with his support and this website (why does nobody talk or want to talk about herpes? The doctors are so dismissive! Thank God I found this site!), I feel like I can manage the physical symptoms and if I can get over the anxiety of transmitting it to him (assuming that I haven't already and after 5 years, I'm not sure what the chances of that are - or maybe he already had it and gave it to me? It's just weird that after 5 years, it's just become an issue), that would go a long way to dealing with the emotional. I've come a long way in the last month. Reading the posts, watching Adrial's videos and reading the handouts, etc. REALLY helped me get to where I am now. Although, admittedly, spend entirely too much time studying my genitals, ever vigilant of another outbreak and still apprehensive about having "relations" because of transmission. My husband, while appreciative of my love and concern, worries that I'm going to drive myself crazy.

I am in the same boat, major anxiety over transmission to my husband. I was very recently diagnosed as positive, but not sure whether it's 1 or 2. If it's 1, it would solve the mystery of where it suddenly came from though. Is that true that if he has oral HSV1 he is less likely to get it genitally? I have done so much reading that my brain feels like soup and I easily could have not picked up on that.