LookingForAlaska

"Juvie girls" made me laugh bc that's the exact right terminology. That's the funny thing, is everything I do in their classes is about self-empowerment, about needing to be self-sufficient and not man-dependent, which is ironic given what a hot mess I am. And a large percentage come in at 14-15 yrs old with multiple STDs. Anyway, my life has been in such a state of upheaval and uncertainty that I feel I am clinging to the few things that are what they used to be, or at least can appear that way. Bc I know there is a "before this" and an "after this" point in this relationship and it is NOT the same now as before, no matter how badly I wish it was.

I had a "visual" diagnosis 6 weeks ago, but thus far, negative PCR test. The first set of symptoms I had were noticeable immediately after my period. The first time I got it following that episode, I had no issues. Just concluding my 2nd time, and currently experiencing some internal irritation. As far as I recall, I didn't have any internal sores the first time. However, this period was really, really light (& I'm almost 43 so this happens every so often). I have no external symptoms that I can recognize, and believe me, I checked, and none of the symptoms I've read that people associate with a recurrence. Is it possible that this is a recurrence with new internal issues, or more likely from an over zealous use of tampons that were too absorbent for what I really needed?

@Sayywhat @WCSDancer2010 @DamagedLotus @Aimi @Powturns First, thank you for your responses. I couldn't get back before now bc every time I read what your wrote I ended up a big, weepy mess and just couldn't. I mean, I'm like that now but at least I'm not at work, so that's a bonus. I have always been a believer in second chances...I work in a juvenile detention center & that's kind of what we're about (oh, and bf works there, too. Awesome). I'm not perfect either, etc. But this all feels like a bribe. Like it's a combination of guilt and panic on his part, and not bc it's how things would really be. And yes, he is lucky I haven't walked, and yes, I'm sure it's probably easier for him to continue to be with me than to have to be out there again. I never thought about it like that, @Aimi, but you're probably right. And in all likelyihood our relationship has always been like that. He has me as the stable, responsible, smart (questionable I know ) woman in his life and random pieces of ass on the side bc he can justify it all kinds of ways...I'm not there...it's just sex...I'll never know...bc he seems to be able to think that what he does outside of out relationship doesn't change his feelings for me. I have no idea if that makes sense bc I feel a little like I'm running off at the mouth right now. The kicker is, I have only been divorced for about a year 1/2. Since ending my shitty marriage this is the 2nd relationship I have had. And I love him but mostly want to kill him and make it look like an accident. I'm kidding...but I'm sure you know what I mean. I left me marriage bc I felt like I deserved better, and sometimes I feel like maybe this IS what I deserve, bc that's what I ended up with. Like who am I to think I was somehow entitled to have more and be happy? Seriously, the only time I felt worse than this is when I had a miscarriage, and this is pretty close. At the risk of sounding like Sally's friend Marie in When Harry Met Sally, "You're right, you're right...I know you're right." And I know exactly what I would tell a friend in the same position. In fact, I haven't told most if mine bc I don't even know how to. Yes, I want him to be the one so I don't have to deal with him NOT being the one. And I'm pretty sure he's not. I know that people unknowingly infect others all the time, but I'm not sure this was the case. And for a while I thought this was all just some horrible, fucked-up accident, but combined with the cheating...well, that's some pretty bad math. Anyway, I'm not really sure how coherent that all was...but my head is kindof a mess. I SO appreciate that you have taken the time to comment <3

I wonder, based on my own recent experiences, if the shingles stuff, and his off-color comments about STDs could in any way be because maybe he knows HE has something? That may be a complete shot in the dark but sometimes I think people will behave that way because it's really something going on with them. Take this with a huge grain of salt bc it's probably coming from what's going on with me, but you said "it keeps coming up" and that makes me a little suspicious.

Backstory: At the end of April I had what seems to be a primary outbreak...high fever, painful pee (positive for UTI, on bactrim when all other tests were done) bumps and other grossness. My Dr. did a PCR test no more than 72 hrs after I noticed the bumps. The tests came back negative for both 1 and 2, as did all my blood work for the rest of the STDs. So now I'm waiting...either for a recurrence (and thus far I haven't had one as far as I can tell) or enough time to pass to do a blood test. Here are my issues (I mean besides probably having herpes). The guy who I have been seeing for over 6 months admitted to having slept with someone else "just once," about a month before my symptoms appeared. He only admitted under duress bc I called his bluff with some info I was only partially sure of, and after I asked him how I could have an STD if he hadn't cheated. He actually asked me if I had had it all along and this was my way to tell him. After a bunch of BS he fessed up (not fully, I'm sure). In the course of telling me about the cheating, he said someone he was with "a while ago" told him after they had been sleeping together that she had herpes but "was taking medicine every day." When I told him I had an STD he didn't freak out and he didn't even ask what it was until the next day. And his eagerness to have sex with me again indicates he probably knows it was him. I mean, if he didn't think he infected me, it would at least give him pause before trying to get me naked. In the weeks since this has happened, he has been trying to be nominated boyfriend of the year. I'm talking jewelry, flowers, and serious ass kissing of all kinds. I know he loves me (to the degree he's capable of) and is sorry that all of this happened (this is on what he says but also in what I see when he doesn't know I'm paying attention). But I can't do s#%t with "I'm sorry." The really, really messed up thing is that I think I'm staying around bc I can't deal with what it mean if I leave. To have invested all the time, effort, emotion just to end up possibly having to explain this relationship to every man I ever date, to not be able to have a sexual relationship in the manner to which I am accustomed, is all too much to put my brain around. I feel so bad about myself, and so uncertain about everything that at least it's something consistent. Has anyone been in a situation at all like this? Or am I just really, really stupid right now?

Like a few other people said, this story literally had me crying. I have been a hot mess for the past few weeks dealing with someone who claims to love me even while he cheated on me and possibly infected me as a result (PCR tests negative, now waiting for either an OB or a blood test to confirm...2-3 more months to wait...ugh). It's so encouraging to see someone have such a positive and affirming experience. Maybe we can clone that guy??? Just askin.

When I've done it in the past, it's a good 2 weeks before anything really noticeable grows back. The downside is you need to let it go about 2 more weeks before you can wax again. If you keep it up, you end up waxing less & less often. And the place I go will do like a "touch up" LOL. So maybe you don't need it ALL done but just in spots. I'm gonna try to keep it up just bc I don't want to have to wonder if "that" is razor burn or something else.

Thanks. I'm still trying to find my way around the site and it's not so easy from my phone. And honestly have been driving myself crazy...god...the results you get when you Google the questions I have asked on here...I'm thankful to have one place to look now.

I keep trying to tell myself that, but it's really difficult right now. And the waiting and seeing is just killing me. The fact that he seems to be in denial makes it even worse. But I appreciate all the insight people provide on here. And it's saving me countless hours of panic from what I find when I google stuff. Eek.

So based on what everyone said, I went ahead and did it. And now we wait. I'm not taking anything suppressive yet, bc my Dr. didn't want to put me on anything until she was sure I needed it. I have been taking lysine & monolaurine bc I've read that they are both supposed to help, and I do have a bottle of Valtrex & a script for that just in case. Rainyday5249 I was debating between waxing & shaving, & though based on some other posts that waxing might be better just be you have to do it less often. Not gonna lie...it hurt like a b#%ch. It's never fun, but I might have made it worse bc I was so nervous. It's over really quickly & once you're done it doesn't really hurt. I know what you mean about trying to get back to yourself, bald or otherwise LOL. Have felt AWFUL the past few weeks & even something like knowing I'm not going to scare anyone in my bathing suit helps me feel a little better. I am so thankful for all the advice I've gotten on the few questions I have posted!

Ok...that was funny. Also a good point. I'm just an "I need every single fact possible before I do something" kinda girl, so all these variables are making me very uncomfortable. Will cross my fingers & see

I had one possible outbreak about 5 weeks ago. I would like some parts of my life to get back to normal while I'm waiting for a definitive diagnosis. I'm afraid if I wax again it might cause another outbreak, but I'm so tired of waiting around for something to happen. Is it safe?

When I got my results back, the said "hsv 1 and hsv 2 by PCR" and both were negative, tho if the infection was recent it would be negative. And I had blood tests for all those other STDs about a week after the PCR test and all were negative. B As far as the bf goes, thus far he has not been to the Dr., and I'm pretty sure it's bc he knew he had it (or something). My symptoms appeared at about the same time I found out he cheated on me, which had supposedly occurred "once" about a month before my symptoms. I kinda suspect that the reason the cheating came to light is bc the girl in question has "something" and one of them infected the other & she got sick at the same time as me. Oh, and I'm 43, have been divorced for a year and have never had so much as a cold sore, so besides being in a panic I'm so angry.

So about 5 weeks ago I came down with symptoms consistent with a primary outbreak...fatigue and high fever followed by what I thought was a UTI and then about a zillion bumps. I went to a walk in clinic and tested positive for a UTI. I was given 6 Bactrim @ 300mg and had taken 3 of them when I went to the doctor for the other symptoms. She did a PCR test and gave me valtrex. The PCR came back negative for both 1 and 2. So did all of my other STD tests. So I'm wondering...even tho from what I read the PCR test is highly accurate, is a false negative possible? Also, since I had completed my course of bactrim before the STD tests, could it have cleared up something like syphilis and maybe that's where the symptoms came from? I really need some answers for my own peace of mind, and also to deal with my boyfriend (which is a different discussion for a different day). What do I do besides wait to either have a recurrence or wait till a blood test would be accurate? I am literally about to lose my s#%t.