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thisisgoingtobeokay (previ

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  1. I've had HSV1 almost 6 months. Recently disclosed to an H negative partner he accepted! So be positive. I've not had another outbreak since the first. 1. I never tingled or itched. Well, I did think I had a yeast infection but soon as the bumps came I stopped itching. I look for the "yeast infection feeling" as my sign. Now when I was healing I did. All my symptoms stopped immediately once the bumps were gone. Everyone is different. I am also on suppressive therapy valtrex. Take a vitamin and lysine when I feel "off." 2. Yes. I guess technically it's "more active" but nothing tells you that for sure. You are more likely to breakout and spread the virus the first 6 months to a year. After that the body usually handles it better and has it under control and can respond to it better. 3. It can be but not nessecarily. Every person is different. Be in tune with your body. Every itch and tingle will make you think one is coming. I did it for a few months, then I realized it just wasn't as much as I was stressing about. Remember, we are women and regardless we have lots of crazy stuff happen down there. 4. As I said above, yes it will go away. Part of it is in your mind, I promise. :) everything is just fresh right now so you will believe anything is an outbreak coming. Try epsom salt to help. That was my life saver. 5. My bloodwork was negative. Swab was positive. Swab tests are pretty damn accurate. If you want to just do it, but I would say it's unecessary. The swab was positive, you know the type. Don't waste your money or time. Just focus on being healthy now and moving forward. I had a really really hard time accepting everything. Luckily, time helps. A lot. Just be patient with yourself and hang in there. I promise it will be alright. Luckily, HSV1 is typically more quiet. Many of us breakout once and never again. I'm rolling on 6 months outbreak free. I've tried to make myself break out. Nothing has caused one yet. You will be fine. And eventually you won't even think about it half the time. Welcome aboard! We are here for you.
  2. Love it! So powerful and true! I am awesome! We are awesome!
  3. I don't think there is a right when. You just know. It got so heavy on me and I couldn't take it anymore. I text him and said baby I'm ready to tell you what I've been going through if you can't tonight that's fine but soon. He said come over after work. So I pounded three beers on the way and when I got there his friend was there. My heart was just racing. So after an hour of chit chatting with him and his friend I did it. In person and he accepted it. You will know. You just feel it. Everyone says there isn't a right time and I agree. You just get overwhelmed by it I think and know it's time. I did it right when I knew my heart was on the edge of falling for him and I figured it better to get it done and over with if he didn't accept it before my heart was too in it. Needless to say, whatever I did, I did right. He blows my mind everyday. I'm crazy for him and he seems to be about me. We hve talked about it since the initial disclosure. We actually have done it without condoms. Shocker. But he just doesn't care. At all. I said baby... We did that without a condom are you not worried? He said no, if I was I wouldn't have done it. I want you. He then said, this comes with you right? I said yep. He said well I want you, so that comes with you, then so be it. I'm telling you. You will know. I did. And I am so happy now. :)
  4. If it is a trigger for you I would do like the above said. Either stay away from the outbreak area or trim it. That probably would be best so your skin is not constantly irritated.
  5. Wonderful wonderful post! Good for you!!! I am sure it is truly so freeing!
  6. Google is a liar. Mine didn't look like that crap on the images either. I wish they would make it realistic instead of scaring the hell out of people. It's like acne. Truly. And it's not a big deal as people make it. Emotionally I think is the most damage it does. Good idea to show what it's truly like.
  7. Oh you are so welcome. Believe me, everyday I wake up now I feel so damn lucky. I am a happy happy girl and just want to keep everyone posted on how things go because I want people to see it isn't over. H- people, not all, but still are capable of accepting you and wanting you. I just want to give hope now. And that's my goal. :)
  8. @prettygirl I've been busy falling in love and what not but I've been reading most everyone's posts. As @wcs said I was very much like you. I actually didn't allow myself to talk to other guys or do much of anything at all for basically five months. I then met this guy who I just couldn't help myself. I was drawn to him immediately. Anyways, had the talk. He accepted. Go read the story. He is an amazing man. I tried the sites. I was not pleased. Just isn't for me. I thought it would be a good way to start. No Bueno for me at least. Just made me feel shitty. Anyways, yes. Someone will accept you. You just have to approach it right. It's a balancing act when disclosing and you got to do it the way that you feel best. You will figure it all out. Everything is new and fresh right now. Give it time. Let yourself settle, Emotionally. It took me months and I still... Even though I have an H- man accept me....I still have my days. It's part of it. But it will get better each passing day. I promise. I PROMISE! You just have to realize it on your own. None of us telling you this is goin to fix it for you. You have to realize it. And when you do, it's a beautiful beautiful thing. And I add, you will look back and think to yourself how stupid you were for even thinking your life was over. I know this because as of this past Monday.... It got thrown in my face that it wasn't. And you will have that moment to. Where the lightbulb goes off and you just laugh at it all. Life is crazy. It isn't over. Someone will love you. Give yourself time. Fall apart. Get angry. Cry. Scream. Then shake it off and be done with that. And step forward. Smile because you are more than H. And someone will see that. It may take time, and you may get hurt a time or two. But you will have a yes. Hang in there.
  9. So last night we did it! And boy I'm tired today. But afterwards I started getting really nervous. He said is something wrong? I said no, but are you not worried? He said should I be? I said no no no. I've done my research and all that. He said you would tell me if I needed to be? I said yes of course. I said I know when I'm feeling off. He said maybe it won't come back again. I said yeah I hope not but I would tell you no if I didn't think we should one night. He said I trust you. I said but what if, would you hate me? And he said no I wouldn't hate you. I said you know if it did I would be here for you and not go running. He said I know. He goes you did your part. Stop worrying. You told me. I know. That was what your end of it was and I know what I'm doing. I said I know. I know. But I have to concern myself with it. And he hugged me and said let's just not talk about it again. So.... In conclusion, he is pretty great about all of it. Thought I would share this so y'all know that good guys do exist and will respect you for telling them first. He pretty much wants it out of sight out of mind. Which is probably the best way to live with this until it's necessary to disclose. Go on about your life. :)
  10. I'm so glad this has made some of y'all have some hope. It really really makes me feel good. He is wonderful. Ya know what I love? He talks about the future. There is a concert in December of someone we both love and I told him today about the concert and he said oh baby we are going I promise. That's forever away! And he already is using "we" are going. He is in it for the long haul and I'm thrilled. Happy happy girl! :)
  11. It's insane how life has worked. I got to have more faith. Lesson learned.
  12. I'm all smiles. We text some more today while I was at work and I said I was so scared of you walking away from me. He goes baby I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to. And my heart just skipped a beat. And oddly enough, I believe him. Thank all of y'all! I am so giddy and so just crazy for him. I was before but now... It's like a fire in my heart and I just want to love him. This one is different. And I knew that the night I met him. My hearts on fire. :) y'all are such an awesome support group. I'm this position because of y'all. I'm not going to worry. Especially after today's talks. He is in it. And so am I. Whole damn heartedly in this and I'm going to love him like he ain't ever been loved. He deserves it. Not for accepting me, but because I've never met a man with a heart like his. It's so pure and genuine.
  13. I did it. I had the herpes talk. Three beers down, some slow breathing techniques, and then just spilled it all out. I went from start to finish, how it happened, diagnosis, him leaving me, my parents, my friends, all of it. Tears poured down my cheeks as I told him how much I have hurt. I ran the stats by him. I told him how much I cared for him and would keep him safe. I opened my heart and laid it out for it to get thrown back in my face. He held my hand the entire time. And he said.... Can I talk now? He told me how much he cared for me. He said does this change the way I view you? Yes, but in the most positive way. He said I trust you. In regards to me and you it changes nothing. It takes a lot of balls to be able to do what you did and if anything it made me care for you more. The way you told me. I asked him if wanted time. He said no. I don't need time. I trust you. You have done your research. I am not scared. I said do you want to see the papers I brought, or my medicine? He said nope. Doesn't matter. You got dealt a shitty card and that's life. And no matter what happens between us I'm here for you. He said, he (my giver) doesn't need to be here for me, that he (my guy) was. I said I don't want to just be your friend. He said I don't want to be just your friend either. I want to be your man. He then told me more about his secret and some stuff he has been through. He said you accept me for mine. He then told me about people he knows who gets cold sores. I asked him if he thought I was pretty still? He said you aren't pretty, you are beautiful. I said are you going to be scared to touch me? He said no, of course not, more scared of makin you mad. I said do you think I'm sexy still? He said sexier. I said do you still think I'm so great? He said greater. He said you are a strong woman. And I'm here. He said I want you and he smiled, and said and everything that comes with you. He said if anything happens between us it won't be because of that, he looked at my hair and said it will be that little but of ginger temper you got in you. He looked at me and said do you want to stay tonight? I shook my head yes. We laid down. And he kissed me. And we played some. He touched me and didn't immediately jump up to run to the bathroom to wash his hands. I finally said you need to go wash your hands baby. He said yeah I guess I do. He didn't freak out. He didn't make me feel weird. He didn't act like a weirdo after touching me. And we kissed goodnight and he said is your mind at ease now? And I said yes, I am the happiest I've been in the past six months. And I slept. Better than I ever have since my diagnosis. And I feel like a weight has just been lifted off of me. Who knows what will happen. He may change his mind. I didn't get that vibe though. But all I know is I've met a wonderful man who sees me for who I am. Not for what I have. And I know my life is better for having met this man. Regardless of what happens. He changed me. And my hope is that I can give back to him the same acceptance, understanding, and compassion he has shown me. He trusts me and that means more to me than anything. He TRUSTS me. I am me, I am not defined by this. There is more to me than this. And there is to you too, whoever is reading this. You will find someone. If I can, anyone can. Have faith. Have hope. But most of all, realize that when you listen to understand, not judge, that listening to understand will likely be given back to you. And the response you expect and prepare for, may be the exact opposite of what you get. Fingers crossed he doesn't change his mind. Thank you all for the support. I couldn't have done this without any of you. And a special thank you to @wcs for staying on the phone with me for an hour Sunday night going over what I would say and do. You were so very very right.
  14. 6 months of no period. (I'm on the pill). I skip my periods and have for years because I can't stand it. Well, life is hectic and I ain't been doing no practice baby making so missing pills isn't a big deal to me. I missed four and Thursday I felt the dreaded cramp. I thought oh hell no. But it was. Mother Nature called. And I answered and to my surprise, no outbreak. I feel this was my final test on my body. I have put it through the ringer. Drinking, staying out late, smoking more than I should, stress, a cold, caffeine, nuts, chocolate, sex with my giver, my own special play time, shaving. Nothing. Not one damn outbreak. Not that I've purposely been trying, but I have tried to slowly figure my triggers out. And I feel this period was my last test. Granted, I know it can pop up whenever, but all that and nothing!? I feel confident and not so damn worried I'm going to break out if I make a wrong step now. My body and the pills seem to have done extremely well with this. I'm proud of my body. And I hope that some of you are blessed like I have been to have an easy ride so far. Feeling good today and I just wanted to share that I feel confident in my body's ability to fight this now and I'm no longer going to take extra precautions to prevent outbreaks. Still not leaving my pills, but I'm freaking happy. Even on my period. Pretty much, this post is meaning to say "F you herpes, I won."
  15. He is your giver. I'm the same way. I've gotten much better about him leaving me and not giving a shit that he did it. But I do have my days still where I want to explode from the inside out and go beat the shit out of him or post flyers or watch him burn in a fiery automobile wreck. (If you can't tell, I'm right there with you.) but! The feeling passes, everytime and I have good days again. It's natural to want this person. To care. Be there. Love you. Support you. You are lonely, and it hurts being lonely and going through things with no support. You will likely always have some kind of pull towards him there. I believe I will. But I also believe it only keeps you down to keep dwelling. I've done it for 5 months. It isn't healthy.
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