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A bunch of my girlfriends were together this weekend and were pretty open with each other. But they started talking about herpes one day and one girl was saying she had a herpes scare wth an ingrown hair for 9 months and was so scared and had to tell her parents etc. my other friend has shingles and was trying to differ it from general herpes saying she called her boyfriend and they were both crying. I tried to educate them that shingles is in the same family and just in different areas. But I didn't tell them I had herpes or open up. I just got done opening up to my boyfriend ad couldn't do it again yet. I feel like it's a personal intimate thing so friends don't need to know but it made me angry that they were so ignorant even if it's my own fault for not educating. Anyone have advice for how to deal with this stuff?

I found out I am hsv-1 positive a little over a year ago, and I have not had an outbreak since. It is different for everyone, but my doctor told me that hsv-1 is most commonly more mild since this strain doesn't necessarily like being "down there". It loses some of its power when it isn't in the mouth area. My first outbreak wasn't terrible, but I agree the warm baths help a lot and using a blow drier. I took anti vitals until it cleared up. Now I take one pill a day for suppression because it makes my boyfriend more comfortable. I also used Melissa (lemon balm) essential oil and tincture during the outbreak- it burned a bit but it helped the areas clear up a lot quicker when I got it and heal. I found that keeping myself unstressed helps even if I haven't had an outbreak- I like having peace of mind that I am doing things necessary to keep myself healthy.

I would have disclosed earlier... I was under a pretense from my doctor that it was not a big deal unless I was having an OB at the time, which I most likely wouldn't again. She compared it to mono- saying that people who kiss dont let people know they and mono even though they could potentially give it to anyone they kiss or share a drink with. It is water under the bridge eventually. I am still at fault for not being informed on my own behalf, but we would like to trust medical professionals. Anywho... I did it last night! In the beginning he asked lots of questions, talked about options etc. I did my best to answer everything and whatnot. He said as far as he was concerned he'd dint want to know yet if he had it because we are going to be together for a while so he would cross that bridge when he got to it. He also said that if he knew in the very beginning he isn't sure he would have continued the relationship because he didn't know me. but now it is a different story because he loves me. This stung a little, but I can't say i would have done differently. Later when we went to bed we tossed and turned, and he eventually asked me why he told me- maybe he would have rather not known because now he is dealing with the uncertainty of the small chance hell still get it, even if I'm on daily antivirals. I told him after learning and talking to a new doctor that I had to tell him, if anything happened later I didn't want him being angry with me. He said he understood... he just kept saying it was a bummer "like not my girlfriend". He talked about how he is very health conscious and wondered how this will effect his health later, influences, the future... not that he necessarily cares about the inconvienece at times. Also him not knowing how it could react in him- for me it was mild, but it could be different for him. A completely valid question. I told him him we could go see a doctor together for more information. I also explained how although he was feeling extremely uncertain and like this was sprung on him and now he's ruminating on it, that it was extremely hard for me to be that vulnerable and open, and how that should make us stronger, not break us down in anyway. Eventually he held me, and let me know that his changes nothing. Everything that I could have wanted to hear... In that moment I have never felt more loved and accepted. I love this man. Although I feel great about disclosing and the way we were able to communicate in the end, I still have this sense of guilt, not shame. I accept the H. I accept dealing with the inconvenience. The only thing I am still struggling with is knowing that he is struggling- mostly with the uncertainty of if he will get it, and how it will be for him, and the long term effects. He said it will not effect him wanting to be intimate, or him wanting to be with me.... How do I deal with this. Any advice on how to move forward? How to help him process it and move past it? (that is what he said he has to do)

Hi all! I am wondering if you tend to get recurrences in the same spot. I had my first OB 16 months ago, and haven't had one since. I have not been on suppressive therapy although I have the meds. Yesterday my legs started feeling kind of itchy- again could be that I was camping for two weeks with no lotion and lots of sun. My vagina started to itch a little but almost inside like a yeast infection. Not terribly, just a tad. The other labia areas felt somewhat itchy (randomly), but I have not shaved in a while and so that could be contributing. I plan to disclose to my partner soon, so maybe it is just me over reacting. But today I noticed a very tiny whitish looking spot on the tip of my clitoris. That is not where I got my first OB... my first OB was on both sides of my inner labia, just a few spots (yet still painful and an annoyance). I am wondering if it is common for it to stay in the same spot. Also, what are your prodromes like? is the itchiness like all over your legs, or just in the area where you OB? I do not have the soreness of skin people talk about with the nerves, just some random itchiness. No swollen lymph nodes or anything either. Yesterday when I started feeling odd I took three acyclovir, today the same. Also treated the "spot" with melissa (lemon balm) oil. Thanks everyone!

1. I am grateful for the donation based yoga studio close to me. When I decided to disclose this week I practiced twice, after not practicing in months. It is essential for me to practice so I can continue to explore my vulnerability and have a safe place to unwind. Yoga studios can be very expensive for memberships. I am thankful for this one because I can give what I am able to fit into my budget, and more when I have it. The owner is beautiful, and the teachers are volunteers (mostly). It is a wonderful space. 2. I am thankful for this site. I am so happy I came across it. I have been struggling with disclosing the last two days and reading your posts on my own thread, and other thread, has been so helpful. People really are good... This site helped me see that. This site helped me see that people are willing to help if you ask for it. It has given me hope for when I disclose, and a place to come to when I struggle. Thank you 3. I am thankful for my bed.... It is so comfy and warm and it just cradles me. It's also a queen so I can starfish on it with no problem. :)

Life works in mysterious ways... I subscribe to a blog called Tiny Buddha and today this article was sent to my email: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/want-love-support-relationships/ The first quote is by Brene Brown- the woman speaking in the videos you sent me. "You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." Just watched those last night! I am working really hard today to become more knowledgeable and understand that this is a skin disorder I have. Not a life threatening or serious disease. It is in the same family as mono and chicken pox, and no one gives stigma to those. I am still fearful that I will be rejected, that he will be angry with me, or decide this isn't a risk he doesn't want to take (since at the moment we are not looking to move in with each other or get married). These are just things popping up in my wild imagination... I believe I am worthy of love. However I am worried that he will decide he cannot deal with the herpes. Again... just my self doubt getting the best of me and me worrying about things that have no happened yet. But its easier for someone with herpes to understand the skin disorder because we do our research and truly try to understand.. the average person who has no dealt with it yet that closely may still be ignorant. My hope is that he chooses to become knowledgeable and we can move on from it. I just tend to get very emotional when I talk about things.... I will have to remember what @willow said... try you damnedest not to get too emotional! I have been practicing what I am going to say all morning.. seeing him later today for coffee.

Does anyone have statistics of shedding hsv 1 while being on suppressive medications? What are the chances of me passing it to him through oral sex?

Wow, those ted talks were amazing and definitely life changing even outside of this H issue. I have had issues with vulnerability my entire life. I'm always vulnerable to make a mistake so I fall into perfectionism. Then I don't take chances for fear of not being perfect. I have struggled with it for a long time. I am far from perfect in my relationship lol I get emotional, I mess up, I can be rude at times. But that's human. I don't know why I view this H issue as any different. That ted talk made me realize how much I run from vulnerability all the time- even in my relationship. I fear telling him so bad because it means I am not perfect, it means I am putting something difficult in our relationship, it means that he had the opportunity to be angry with me and let me go. That is so scary, but that video made me realize having courage means showing your true self, and why would I want him to be with someone who wasn't truly me? Being vulnerable with this could allow me to do much better with it in other areas in my life... It's a huge step and a huge thing for me to overcome. I am still so scared to tears and it will be hard to do this without tears. Just have to remember to state it as a matter of fact and not make it a bigger deal than it is... No shame.

Does anyone feel like it's inappropriate to send it in an email or text. I am much better with my works in writing and then give him the opportunity to come over later and talk about it after he has digested the information I will send him (the video and links above also) as well... I appreciate your guys thoughts...

Ps. Thank you for the support. It's so appreciated

I can't help but not beat myself up.. Even if I know it makes it worse. I am so nervous of telling him... Some selfishness in that of knowing how uncomfortable it will be for me. But also because I feel so terribly of what he may feel after. We are in love, but I am just very nervous still. How do I even start that conversation? Come over we need to talk... He will think it's something else. We have our year anniversary on Saturday and had a romantic night planned... Now I don't know how to present this to him. :(

Correction

I was diagnosed with hsv1. I believe it was contacted orally. The first outbreak was considered mild I guess... Maybe three lesions on the inside of my labia and one on my anus. They were gone in about a week. I took acyclovir during this time. My doctor told me at the time that hsv1 generally is usually tremendously more mild than hsv 2 genitally, and that some 80% of the population already has hsv1 so if I didn't want to disclose to people it was okay. she made it seem like it was not a big deal at all. I met my boyfriend and we used condoms for a few months since I wasn't on birth control (other hormonal reasons) but he didn't perform oral unprotected. I have never had an outbreak since nor has he contracted anything. About a week ago I read something online about herpes and it got me thinking about my condition... I started feeling very guilty for not disclosing even if I haven't had an outbreak and my doctor told me I most likely won't. I love my boyfriend very much and want to have a fully honest relationship. I didn't mean to not disclose to him, I was going off advice from my doctor. At the time of diagnosis, I was going to a student health center on my camps and was herded in an out like cattle with the rest of the students. She made it seem like no big deal so that's what I believed.. Until today. Then just today I started feeling odd. I don't know if it's me making up symptoms because I have been feeling guilty or what. But my legs have been itchy from inside the knee to middle of thigh. My crotch had been slightly itchy but I also have not shaved in a while And that tends to happen. I have a headache and just feel blah. I started freaking out that maybe it's prodrome. This situation, even thinking one is coming, made me realize I need to tell my boyfriend. Being honest would allow me to tell him when I think I feel somethjng off, instead of freaking out about it and just hoping it doesn't like right now. That's no way to live in a relationship. I guess I am asking advice on how to tell him. I know I made a mistake. But I was not properly informed by my doctor at the time- like I said she made it seem like it wouldn't come back and just take acyclovir until it went away. I don't know. Any advice or tips would really help... I've read threads of people being told they committed the worst form of betrayal and taken away someone's rights to choose and I know I did that. So please anything else that may help...