hdiari3s

He still wants to be with me and has apologized countless times but I just cant forgive him for not listening when I said no several times. I know we all make mistakes but this one is one I dont think I could ever forget especially after the outcome. I cant ket my friends know im still in contact with him bc im embarrassed about it. And feel pathetic for thinking hes the only one who will want me now. I cant even bring myself to see him...I wish this were all just a dream and I could wake up.

Hi everyone. This site has helped me so much. Thanks for your feedback encouragement and support. I was recently diagnosed and never thought this would happen to me. I have so much anger towards the person that gave this to me because when it was transmitted I was coerced into sex. Some may even call it rape. I decided to leave him because of this and a few days later i was diagnosed. I felt so alone and hopeless like there must have been a dark omen in my presence thank God I had a supportive good friend who also helped me through this but I felt he was the only one who would truly understand and i should reach out to him in case he didnt know. I reach out to him and he tells me he already knew because he just got tested recently and his results came back equivalot so he felt that meant he was fine. To top it off when mentioning some of my symptoms during the ob he says oh ive experienced all off that before. Part of me wanted to cause him physical harm...part of me wondered if he was lying about not really knowing his status...part of me wanted to beat myself up bc I let someone force themselves on me even when my intuition tried to warn me and part of me keeps in contact because I feel he is the only one who may ever want me though I know this isnt true...I feel like ive been given more of a psychological disease than anything else. Some days im wonder woman and other days im a ball of tears and dont want to get out of bed or leave the house. Its funny im the girl who is super selective barely had any partners and makes men wait until im ready but the one day I let someone take advantage of me and force themselves on me I get this diagnosis. I know life isnt fair but I just cant believe this has happened to me.