raininghoney

:) Happy New Year!

Hi all, Just wanted to share a less-than-ideal and hasty but successful disclosure with y'all... I guess I've learned the moment doesn't have to be perfect to disclose. I've had herpes since November 2014 and have since had three partners... Each time it has gotten a little easier to disclose, as I learn to say things in a more confident manner (as I have become more confident in living with this and valuing myself). Having these experiences of acceptance has also been helpful. I do stress myself out a bit though before disclosing and try to aim for an ideal situation in which to disclose (as per advice). I've been seeing a sweet, smart, and musical guy for about a month (several dates). I just returned from a trip after the holidays, during which we stayed in pretty close contact. I knew that after I saw him once I got back I wanted to move forward and have a convo with him about h. We were supposed to meet up tomorrow for dinner at my house, as I had plans already with my best friend and her family visiting from Spain for New Year's Eve. However, he and I somehow ended up in the same area of the city last night, sending cute messages to each other, and I found myself wanting to go kiss him for a proper New Year's kiss, even if it was slightly after midnight :) We met up and spontaneously decided to go to a party of a mutual friend together- but then when we stopped back at my place on the way (quick heel change) things between us escalated and we began getting a bit wild. He *is* really handsome and I have a ridiculous sex drive. The party plan faded away. I was starting to feel nervous and pulled away for a moment- I knew we both really wanted to have sex that night and yet I also knew that this wasn't the ideal moment to disclose- but I took a chance anyway. We both had a few drinks earlier in the evening but nothing too crazy. How bad could it be? Also based on my past experiences with this, I figured he had a good chance of saying yes. I kissed him lightly, sat down, and I told him I was feeling very lucky to spend the evening with him and that I wanted him to be safe if we had sex. When he sat down too next to me and said "of course", I then explained why in a (relatively) calm manner. He looked a little shocked at first, actually, but then he was like, well, what does that mean? Can I still have sex with you? I realized he didn't really understand what it meant to have herpes. This coming from a guy who works in laboratory research! :) I briefly explained basic facts and statistics in a non-TMI manner. He asked some questions (toughest one 'Was how did you get it?' >:( since I'm still somewhat angry about how I got it). Eventually he was like well, I'll have to research a bit more later, but yeah, if we're using a condom and you're taking medications and that's pretty much statistically safe, then I think I'm okay with it. I'm proud of the way I was also confident and forthcoming, yet reassuring with info... at one point I told him I was the kind of person who when something happened to me I researched the hell out of it so I could understand as much as I could, so he could ask me anything or we could look it up together. I felt pretty strong (and still quite sexy). Long story short, we had sex last night (and this morning)! At one point, we talked about herpes again briefly, sober (except for the soaring serotonin), lying in the morning light, almost philosophically, almost as if we were discussing the weather or a show we had seen. He seemed to be processing it well. I have heard nothing but positive things from him since. We are meeting up tomorrow too for that dinner. Anyway, it wasn't an ideal disclosure, and I know I could have done a lot better on timing... but maybe all I needed this time around was the right info floating around in my brain, the confidence to disclose, and the right guy to hear it :) Happy new year's everyone. Wishing you all luck, happiness, and awesome sex in 2016 ;)

Last October, I was tentatively diagnosed with herpes from a purely visual evaluation. I went through a period of shock, anger, denial, rage, depression- you name it. I am studying to become an expressive arts therapist, so through my own therapy and coursework had worked through some of these emotions, got an overwhelmingly massive amount of support from friends, was starting to come to terms with it, and then my blood test came back negative. And then the next one came back negative... I thought the doctor had made a mistake with the visual diagnosis, and secretly hoped it wasn't herpes. I entered a period of denial. If there was a chance it wasn't herpes, I didn't have to think I had it. I had some redness and itchiness, but no outbreaks... maybe it was just itchiness, I would think... Today, I got results from an IGM test back, from another doctor who I have more trust in, and I am positive for the HSV-2 virus. There the result is, plain and clear on my computer screen. Part of me felt this was coming, part of me has been relying on false hope to hold me up for the last few months. And that's why I feel herpes has so much more of a mental impact than a physical one... when I thought that maybe I didn't have it, my heart was lighter, my attitude about relationships changed out of catastrophizing the outcomes, I really looked forward to my life and didn't feel like something was ruined or missing anymore... I don't feel like I did the first time- I am not struck by penetrating, intense, uncontrollable feelings of self-hatred, of feelings that I am ruined, of overwhelming sadness, pain, and terror. But there is still a deep sadness, a fear, a sorrow that I know I have to work through now... I am a very resilient person, who has also experienced several other difficult situations and struggles in my life, so I know I can get through this, and be even stronger. That's why I'm here- I want to believe in the opportunity. I want to believe in bettering myself through my struggles. I know I have to stay positive and avoid succumbing to negative self-talk or self-sabotaging behaviors in my relationships. I have already grown in loving myself despite this. My biggest, continuing fear is being rejected by future partners when they discover my status. I have been dating somewhat throughout this whole experience, but I haven't really found anyone I would want to move forward with. I am an interesting and lovable person who does attract a lot of romantic prospects, but I am worried that when things move beyond the first few stages, I am going to be disappointed when I lay my cards on the table. I did have one positive experience- sex with an old flame who was visiting about a month ago, when I was still unsure about my status. I had actually called him when I was first diagnosed, so he knew what the situation was, and still chose to go for it anyway with proper protection. That was a very beautiful and validating experience for me, but doubts do remain. Anyway, that feels like a different kind of situation because it was a previous relationship, and I am looking to forge a new one. I have read a lot about the "talk", but I still have fears in this area. Basically, I want to find love, and I don't want herpes to get in the way. I am going to be here often now, guys. I am grateful for this space and I look forward to reading your insight and continuing to heal in this journey. I will mention that during my studies, I have become obsessed with Carl Jung's philosophies in self-actualization, which are helping me a lot. Many later writers connected these philosophies of self-actualization with the hero's journey. I find strength in connecting to the model of the hero's journey because I too have been handed this obstacle unwillingly, but I must now mobilize my resources, find strengths and supports, and take this journey through unknown territory bravely. I want to move in the right direction and live an awesome, successful life, herpes or no.

Hello everyone- this marks my first post here! I just am wondering if anyone else feels this is fishy. I was recently diagnosed with genital herpes when I went in to a new gyno with what I thought was a crazy yeast infection that wouldn't heal. However, it was only a visual diagnosis: the gyno I saw said he didn't do a swab test because I was in too much pain and he was "95% sure" I had herpes. I got a blood test that day as well. The blood test came back negative a few days later, so the doctor told me it must be a new infection. Cursed my luck and the last guy I had sex with, who finally wooed me after three epic dates. I've spent the last month really coming to terms with this diagnosis. I've been all over the map; crazy depressed, angry, "fuck it", zen, frustrated, ambivalent, courageous, scared, determined to not let this affect me, etc. I'm finally in a place over the last week or so where I'm feeling better about this diagnosis and my ability to cope with it and live a fulfilling life/etc. HOWEVER, today I went in for my second blood test. When I came in, the doctor confessed to me that he had had another patient a few days after me with lesions VERY similar to mine who he had misdiagnosed with herpes. Turns out she had hand foot and mouth disease. Bwuh? Has anyone ever heard of these two things getting mixed up? Anyway, he said that we should do the blood test in two weeks now (aka 6 weeks after the initial diagnosis) and see if I have herpes antibodies; if I don't have anything, he's going to assume I'm in the clear and I had something else like hand foot and mouth disease. This all feels a little weird to me. Trying not to get my hopes up, since I assume if I do hope it is something else I'll get devastatingly crushed again when I find out that yes, indeed it is herpes. Thoughts about this?