Cynthia

I am so happy for you! Even if your man hadn't responded the way you had hoped for, you would be ok. H has set me on a personal journey of growth and acceptance that is exciting and rewarding. I am getting myself back in this process. The essence of my nature and character are beginning to flourish. It is a beautiful thing. I believe you and many others on this website are on this similar quest. Living in a place of gratitude and acceptance is powerful and attainable. It's not easy, in fact it can be quite difficult, but the result is serenity of a sustaining sort.

For some these realizations come easy, for me, not so much. But the journey is a worthwhile one and through the journey I am finding my strength. H has been a major catalyst for growth in my life. There have been other challenge that set the ball rolling. But life isn't about arriving, it is about the way we travel. This site and the posts here have helped me to keep the motion going. I am worth it.

Hi! I get where you are at. I was married 24 years and have found myself single and dating at 47. I am quite honestly overweight and out of shape. I could dwell on my imperfections for a long time if I chose to. Part of what kept me in my sick marriage is the belief that no one would ever want me if they knew I had H. I finally had the courage to leave my ex and begin dating. I hadn't had an OB since my initial one 24 years earlier, but the stress of my divorce sent my system into overdrive. All of a sudden H was front and center. I could no longer avoid it or think maybe it would never come back. I knew if I was going to have any future relationships I would have to disclose to partners. The thing I realized is H or no H I did not value myself as a lovable and worthy woman. A relationship couldn't make it better and H couldn't make it worse. I had to draw deeply from myself, take a good hard look at my thought patterns and get down and dirty honest with myself. I found out I couldn't bring anything worthwhile to a relationship until I had resolution in some of these areas of my life. I tried to blame my having an icky virus for my self esteem issues, but bottom line even without H I had very low self esteem. I took the time I needed to begin to love and accept myself flaws and all. Once I had a better picture of myself dating became a possibility. I found I could recognize a healthy man and set boundaries. Disclosure became a real and tangible manifestation of the respect I have for myself and for my partner. I wasn't prepared to disclose before I did this hard work because I didn't have an accurate picture of myself. Accepting H as part of me has been a beautiful thing, just as I accept grey hair and flabby thighs. And the incredible thing is my partner sees so much more in me than those imperfections. He tells me so all the time. Don't sell yourself short, do the work, don't be afraid. It all works out as it should.

Thank you everyone for the information. i've got some changes to make!!

I have had thoughts that I will probably have to settle for whoever will take me.... I have found that by raising my standards of whom I date to someone who is emotionally mature, emotionally available and kind I have found a wonderful man I disclosed to recently. His response to me was beautiful. As long as I was settling for men I thought would take me, I was making very poor choices in potential partners.

Hi, I'm trying to compile a comprehensive list of possible triggers and what I can do to prevent and shorten OB. I had my initial OB 26 years ago and then didn't have any other symptoms until about 1 1/2 years ago. I went through a divorce and the stress just wrecked me. I finally started on Valcyclovier daily, but I continue to have outbreaks. I have noticed a few tips as I have read up on H, but I would appreciate all the input I can get. Thanks!

hi @threelittlebirds. I'm sorry you didn't get the response you wanted from your guy. The thing is, you behaved with love and integrity so huge Kudos to you. I am getting ready to disclose to someone important to me and I am frankly scared. But I also know that what is more important than keeping the man, is keeping my self. I have been working hard on accepting H as a part of me, much like my hair color, age and weight. It does not define me, but it is not something I can ignore. There is a simple truth that anytime you hurt another you hurt yourself and vice versa. You have inspired me with your honesty. Thank you!

I have been positive for 25 years. My fiancé passed on the virus to me. Whether or not he knew he had H doesn't matter. How he behaved after I was diagnosed should have been a huge red flag and I should have ran for my life. He refused to ever disclose any sexual history with me even when we were married. He refused to get tested himself then or later when I was diagnosed with HPV. I believe I also contracted H the first time I had sex. I believe the shame I felt from having H kept me from leaving him and I believed no one would ever want me again. Of course there were not forums or the level of information available in 1988. I finally realized last year that I was married to an incredibly sick man and got the courage to leave. Some how I had only had my initial OB and had never experienced any other symptoms. I had convinced myself that maybe my initial diagnosis was a mistake and that I wouldn't be able to transmit the virus to any one else. Unfortunately I was wrong. I began another relationship and had some odd itching for the first time ever. It was at the doctor's office that they noticed a tiny sore. The test came back as herpes and I realized I would have to tell my lover of my status. He was tested and I am so sorry to say he was positive for H as well. Our relationship ended eventually due in large part to my lying to him through omission. He'd had numerous partners and unprotected sex over the years and he was able to realize that he could have easily contracted H earlier from risky behavior but didn't until now. I had another relationship with a man and asked him to wear a condom. He didn't and after he entered me I told him he needed to wear a condom for his protection. In this case H really was my wingman as he flipped out and was screaming at me that I was "dirty". I learned from that experience that I needed to give full disclosure well before sex was initiated. I also learned I dodged a huge bullet because his reaction was abusive and ignorant. I have met another man and I am getting ready to disclose to him fully before any sexual activity takes place. I have spent a good amount of time getting to know this man and have tried to keep the focus on what I can do that will be loving and kind towards him. I know it is a huge risk to disclose, but I am willing to loose him rather than not be honest with him. I have also begun to come to a place of acceptance with H. It was my big secret and my shame. It doesn't need to be that. I've had to take a hard look at myself and realize a relationship won't fill the void in me. I need to love myself before anyone can love me. I'm grateful for this forum and the values it promotes. We are all just sick people trying to get well, not perfect people judging others. Peace Out!!

Thank you for the information.

I'm new to this forum but had my first OB 25 years ago. It was an extremely painful experience. I didn't have any more OB until this past year when I had extreme stress from a divorce. Now I'm dating again and in a position of needing to disclose. I have had a number of OB and am still learning my prodrome symptoms. When am I contagious?