Cmph

Hello and welcome. I have been living with H. for almost a year now. Its not that long, but i have been trough many stages in the healing process already. I will gladly share advices, expirience and whatever needed to help you deal with this. so Feel fre to message me if you want to :)

My very first outbreak started with a high fever. To start with my body showed symptomes for a typical flu. The day after i first got fever, i started to feel itching all around the vagina. At this point i already was very tender. The day after, the itching transformed into burning. Now i could feel small burning bumps everywhere. As my vaginal condition changed, my fever rose. All of a sudden all these blisters cracked, and created one giant sore which coverd more or less my entire vagina. Including the inside. The sore was bleeding and a fetid liquid started come from the vaginal opening. At this pont i couldn walk, it was way to painfull! Like nothing i have ever expirienced before. Even a broken bone couldnt compare to the intensive pain. For me itching is the most obvious sign of an OB. Usualy i will sense bumps and burning within short time. Every person is different, so take time to get to know your own body.

Hello there! I'm a 19 year old girl, with a bit different story than most. I would really like to give this a try, it could be usefull for both of us! You're more than welcome to send me a message, if i dosen't send you one first!

@ShaeShae and @JessikaRabbit89 Thank you both so much for the incredible kindness you've shown me! Its truley appriciated! Its awfull to say and i dont wish anyone any harm, but i am really happy that this site exist, and that there are others in the same position as me. I find a rare kind of comfort in what you say, both of you! I find it hard to believe but i can sense that there's hope, even for me. I want to feel better about myself, i really do! I want to love myself again, with all my imperfection. I want to except who i am, who i've bocome. I wanna be a better version of myself, even better than i once were. The only problem is: Where do i begin and what do i do? And most important; what can i do to prepear myself for the worst, so that i wont fall any deeper down than i allready have? YES, today is a good day! i feel opptimistic! I wanna speak the truth , even if my voice shakes!

I was diagnosed with H. almost a year ago. It was kind of a dramatic situation, where i was hospitalixed for about two weeks. My immune system got really weak and my fever got dangerously high. It got so bad that my organs started to show sign of failing, i could have died any minute. It was only the beginning, the psychological damages was yet to come. Right after i found out i got H. i was suprisingly calm, probably because of the shock. But after i got home from the hospital i slowly started to change. When i look back at who i used to be i dont recognize myself at all anymore. I have completly locked up, I do not trust anyone, neither myself. I often find myself crying with no reason and i cant help but feel unworthy of all sorts of love. I feel so damn discusting. i mean, who can ever love me if i cant love myself? Sometimes i feel cursed, mainly because of the dramatic first outbreak and i feel angry. But mostly sad. i've gotten so sensitive and i've learned how to shut down all emotions. Having H. is really hard for me emotionally, and i guess thats because i am all alone in this. My mother and my bestfriend know about it, and i guess i cant talk to them, but its not the same. they have no idea what i am going trough and can never fully understand. I am terrifed of the thought about ever telling someone i possibly could love about my personal hell. I am afraid that anyone will think about me the way that i feel about myself. To have my thoughts about myself confirmed by another person by words or redjectin is my biggest fear. yesterday i had another breakdown, i couldnt stop cry. "Will i ever get to know real love again, and will i ever dare to put my hart out on the line" was the quetions hunting my mind. i has isolated myself from getting involved in anything siriously because of this stupid fear. and i really hate it. but what can i do? Living this secret is killing me slowly, but i dont know if i can handle the consequences of telling. I am in desperate need of some advices from someone, anyone, who know what having H. could feel like. Dear stranger, Does it ever get easier?