S123

@WCSDancer2010 Thank you so much for your response! It has eased a little anxiety I've had over this, and I've begun to realize a lot of my worries about relationships were there prior to getting HSV 1. They're just amplified when you throw the stress of disclosure in the mix. :) I'm aware that college students are already taking a lot of risks, but I feel like I'm holding a lot of responsibility on my shoulders because I KNOW that I am positive, KNOW that I can pass it to someone else, and am planning on disclosing. The stigma attached to that is my main concern, as I'm sure most people here understand. Although they may be taking risks by hopping into bed with someone, the difference is knowing versus not knowing. Personally, I would rather know. If the person who got cold sores had told me about it, I would've taken my time deciding on whether to be intimate with them or not, looked at the relationship more closely and would not be here. However, some people are not me, and I just don't want to be judged. I'm not "easy" or "promiscuous", I just got unlucky. You're completely "out" about having herpes, has that negatively impacted your life? My biggest fear is telling someone and it getting around, because it is a little embarassing and I feel like that kind of information is personal (along with anything else in my sex or personal life). Also, are prodomal feelings a sign of asymptomatic shedding, if there aren't any visible symptoms following them?

I was diagnosed with genital HSV 1 back in December. Like a majority of people, I got it from receiving oral sex from someone who I'm assuming had a history of cold sores, because they didn't have any visible ones at the time. It was someone that I wasn't in a relationship with, and after the fact things ended. I've been reading the forums and researching gHSV 1 and I'm aware of the transmission rates (4% a year from female to male, add anti-virals and consistent condom usage it lowers to approximately 1% a year with 2 sex acts a week). As well as asymptomatic shedding rates (genital HSV sheds between 3-5% a year, which is at most 18 days out of the 365). I've also compared it to oral HSV 1, which a majority of the population already has, and sheds asymptomatically 9-18% of the time. Therefore, I'm not necessarily concerned about how this will affect me health wise because ultimately I realized, it won't. I've had one outbreak and I've read that gHSV 1 rarely recurs, if it does. So my concerns are in the relationship department. I'm a freshman in college, and dating is my concern. I'm sure that I would disclose, before sex, however, I'm not sure when the best timing would be. Before sex is on the table, or when a relationship is on the table? I've been extremely cautious with my sex life (only having sex with one person, only receiving oral from a couple) and I still managed to get an STD. I'm now in a place where I'm not emotionally prepared to have sex with someone, but when I am, I would like to be confident and prepared. So here are my questions 1) Within the first year of exposure, what are the rates of asymptomatic shedding (for gHSV 1)? 2) When do you disclose to someone? If sex is not an option yet in a relationship, would it be wrong to wait until it is to disclose? Or would it most likely lead them to feel like you were being deceitful? 3) anti-virals aren't usually suggested for people with gHSV 1 because of how rarely it sheds, however how long before being sexually active would it be recommended to start taking anti-virals? or is that a necessary precaution? 4) Is assuming 2 sex acts a week assuming sex acts 2 days out of the week? Or is that the equivalent to having sex 2 times a week? 5) What are some ways to prepare myself for the talk? I have the information, I'm just afraid to disclose, of course because of fear of rejection. How do I prepare myself for the talk to go smoothly? Also, what are some ways that you have successfully reassured your partner during or following disclosure? I don't want to make it seem as though I'm forcing them to accept me, but I don't want this to be a deal breaker either (although for some I'm sure it could be). I've read that some people have never been rejected over this, just as I've read some sad rejection stories. 6) Is gHSV 1 more likely to infect a partners mouth during oral sex than their genitals? I know genital to genital transmission is extremely rare. Is it safe to assume the same for genital to mouth transmission? Since one is contagious through asymptomatic shedding, which is rare for gHSV 1? I know that was a lot of questions. I just want to be prepared when the time comes to disclose. Since I'm interested in someone now, this has caused a lot of anxiety. Also going through this in college has added to the stress, because I feel like if I was older, it would be easier to disclose because people are more interested in long-term relationships and would more likely be more accepting of the slight risk. As college students, I can't picture many being willing to take this risk because relationships are usually more temporary. Thanks in advance for any advice or insight :)