Blueskysagitarrius

I passed herpes on to my boyfriend. The guilt is killing me.... I was diagnosed two years ago next month. From what I know, it's type 1. I say that because my doctor tested the outbreak for herpes, but not for which type it was. The person who I believe gave it to me had a blood test done and was only positive for type 1 (this was told to me, I did not actually see the results). I also told the only other person I had slept with in months and he was negative for both types (he showed me the paperwork). I had a blood test done a few weeks later and was only positive for type 1. I realize the antibodies may have needed more than a few weeks to be positive on a test if it were type 2, but unless the guy who I believe gave it to me was lying, I would have gotten it months before in which case the test would have showed type 2. Anyway, I dated someone for a year afterwards, who was negative for both types. We had sex all the time and he never got it. I actually never had another outbreak either. Fast forward to this past June and I met the love of my life. I told him right away about the herpes and he was OK with it. I was so thrilled. I've never felt the way I do about him, and he feels the same way. We both just know we're supposed to be together. That whole "when you meet the right person, you will know" thing is NOT BS, because I am living proof of it. We haven't used protection. In my past relationship we did not either. Both of these situations were their choice. I was honest and upfront to both of them. For some reason I never ever had a problem with the past guy I dated. Unfortunately for my current boyfriend... not so lucky. Two weeks ago I got a UTI. I went on antibiotics for it and once I was feeling better, my boyfriend and I had sex. He wasn't feeling well for a few days, so we didn't do anything during that time, and a few days later I noticed a lot of pain down there. I checked it out and sure enough, sores. This is the first time since the initial outbreak I've had anything. With tears in my eyes I went to his house to tell him. Of course it's awkward to have to admit I'm having an outbreak, but I was going to be honest with him. And right as I told him, he said I think you already passed it on to me and showed me. And sure enough, it's herpes. He seems to be doing OK, but he's the type to bury his feelings. I cried that whole night. For myself, for him, and for the terrible guilt I feel. Of course this wasn't done intentionally. I honestly NEVER thought it would happen. I mean I dated someone for a year and he never caught it, and I had sex with two other people since and nothing. Yet, 2.5 months in to my relationship with this wonderful man, it happens. I know he doesn't blame me, but I can't help but feel I am to blame. He knew I had it and he knew the risk he was taking, but I still feel terrible. We have talked about marriage, as crazy as that is for a short relationship, but I know he's the one. He's 35 and I'm 29, this isn't some passing young relationships. And even though we both feel this way, I am worried he will trapped with me now. I assured him that if for some reason we don't work out, there will be other people out there who are OK with it (after all, he was OK with me having it!). I just don't know what to say to him, or how to make him feel better, or anything. Anyone ever been in this situation? I feel completely helpless. Blue Sky

Hi @WCSDancer2010 Thanks for the advice! I saw a few places you posted about HSV1 most likely spreading a really small percentage of the time. Was there new research done to support this? I'd love to be able to show my guy :) And I hope overtime he becomes ok with the small risk :). We are going to talk to Planned Parenthood together on Monday. Wish me luck!! BlueSky

Hi @getbetter111, yes I'm feeling 100% normal now! My issue was the nerve pain. It lingered a few weeks and I even had to get my doc to prescribe me pain meds because it was out of control! But I woke up one day feeling fine. How long has it been since your outbreak? I promise, it will get better :) And thanks! I really am not sure how long until the suppressive meds work. Maybe a week? Maybe a day? Anyone else have any other input?

Hello! I was diagnosed a year and a half ago with gential HSV-1. I've never had an outbreak since the initial outbreak luckily. I've been dating a guy and he knows about my status. He was tested and was negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2. We are going to talk to a doctor next week, but I was thinking about starting suppressive medication to lower the risk of transmitting to him. My ObGyn did not see a need for me to take it after my first outbreak of course, but if it will help lower the risk and make my guy feel more comfortable, I'm 100% ok with doing it. However, I am wondering... If I start it, say this week, how long until the risk of transmitting it to him is cut in half? How long do I need to be on the meds until that is the case? Also, I've read a few posts on here of people not wanting to take suppressive meds because they want their immune system to build antibodies. Does this effect the way my immune system would handle an outbreak if I were to start them now and go off them in the future? Thanks! BlueSky

Wow @ann122 that's a horrible doctors office!! Well he did get tested, so I'd just want to go sit in a room and chat with him and a doc for like 10/15 minutes. Think PP will do that?? Thanks :)

Things went pretty well!! Thank you guys for your support :) Basically after dinner, he invited me in to watch TV. He told me he was sorry for the way we left things last time we saw each other and that he would like to keep seeing me and see where things go. He said he wants to take things slow physically, and figures we could just spent more time getting to know each other before the other stuff. I mean he has a point... What if a month from I can't stand him or vice versa (I am highly doubting this, but you never know). He did get tested and was negative for both. His doctor told him he was even HSV1+ and gets cold sores. I think this helped my guy realize a little more how common it is! So my next question... When we first ended things I told him that maybe we could go to a doctor together and talk about H and what it means for our relationship, and how to be safe and all that. To be honest, I don't want to go to my gyno. She is a wonderful person but she didn't even text me for which type I had. She didn't think it mattered... But it does to me. I went and got tested at planned parenthood afterwards. Does anyone know where we could go to talk to a live professional? Does Planned Parenthood offer anything like that? I live in southern Massachusetts area in case anyone is familiar with places around here :)

So I just had to share... At the end of January I wrote about what happened when I disclosed to a guy I was dating. He seemed on the fence about it. He ended up eventually saying he wasn't ready to take that risk. It majorly sucked, but I understood. He was a great guy and sometimes you just have to be understand of how people are going to react. It's been over a month now. I've thought about him from time and time. I was really disappointed by the way things went. The other day he text me. He had gotten mono about the time I disclosed, so I figured he was checking in to see if he gave it to me (he didn't). But after a few texts back and forth he asked to take me to dinner, on a date, this weekend. So we have plans tomorrow!!! Now, we haven't discussed the situation at all, so I don't want to get too far ahead of myself, but I am so unbelievably excited to see him! Has anyone been in this sort of position? If he says he's ok with it now, is it ok that I feel a bit guarded? I can't help but be worried and afraid he's going to hurt me like that again. I can 100% forgive him for needing time, of course, but am I being hypocritical by thinking I can't just trust him 100% again right away? If I feel that way, does that mean I'm not really forgiving him? Thanks everyone! BlueSky

Hi everyone! Happy Saturday! I would love to find a buddy to give support to and lean on for support. Male or female is fine. I'm a 29 year old female living in New England, but if you aren't close that is no problem. I love making new friends :) Message me if you're interested!

Thank you both so much for your advice!! I do totally agree that starting something with someone who just got out of a relationship is not a good idea. I had no idea he had just gotten out of one. The day after my first date with him, I found out my ex boyfriend from two years ago commit suicide. I was extremely shaken up and had told him about it because I was really upset. A few weeks later I asked about his past relationships because I had been telling him about mine. He told me he hadn't dated anyone since the summer and it was only for a few months. Said they just drifted apart. So when Saturday he said he only just got out of a relationship, I was confused. I'm not sure which is the truth. I certainly won't blame him for saying it was months ago. When I broke up with the boyfriend who passed away, I started dating way too soon and clearly didn't tell the guy I was dating how recently the break up was. I think we like to pretend we can get past things easily (I know I do). I did end things with that guy pretty soon after we got intimate (this was pre-herpes). I felt horrible, but I wasn't ready. I can certainly understand that. As I've been dealing with my ex passing away, I've been realizing how lucky I am that I wasn't still with him. He cheated on me and married the girl he cheated on me with. They have a one year old daughter, and he took his life. My friend pointed out to me that maybe things not working with this new guy is because I'm being kept from something. Just like breaking up with my ex kept me from being a single mother and widow. Maybe things not working with this guy is a blessing in disguise. Who knows. I'll give him time and space, but I do hope he finds his way back to me.

Hi Everyone! So I haven't ever posted here before, but I have been getting the emails and checking this site out for awhile. I had my first outbreak Sept 2013 and that's the only one I've had. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, when my doctor tested my sores, she didn't find out what type I had. So months later I got a blood test and was positive for Type 1. Makes sense because the guy I'm pretty sure I got it from got tested as well and was only positive for Type 1. He had had cold sores. Anyway, enough about my background, I could write about my experience for days given the chance. So it's been almost a year and a half. I've told (now) three guys. First guy, I was rejected. But I've learned SO much since then. I broke down and cried and did a seriously TERRIBLE job of telling him. I don't know why I was surprised he rejected me. But let me tell you, that hurt so bad. I really didn't think it would hurt as bad as it did. Second guy I told was totally cool with it. Never had an issue regarding it. Third guy, well I only told him on Saturday. I felt the time was right, I felt close to him, and I felt that I really wanted to share this part of me with him. I was super positive about it and really had faith he was the kind of guy that wouldn't care. He's honestly the nicest person I have probably EVER met. A serious catch. He came over, I made dinner, we sat down to watch TV and I turned it off and told him I had something important to tell him. I told him I wanted to tell him because I really cared about him, I was so happy we've met, and that being honest is an important part of a relationship to me. He seemed fine with it. I didn't even get through my whole speech I had planned before he was saying "oh yeah I've had cold sores, no big deal". And I said "OK cool" and we went back to watching TV. About an hour later, he's falling asleep on me and asks if I'd mind if he left. I said of course not. He had been sick the week before and I realize he still probably wasn't feeling well. The next day my friends were texting me asking how it went, and I tell them all it went really well! And then about noontime he calls me. He says he's glad I told him what I told him, and appreciates my honestly but that he needs to be honest with me as well. He says he doesn't think this will work. Claims he had just gotten out of a relationship right before we met and it was just too soon. Went on about some other things and I told him I understand, and honestly, I took it like a champ. I stayed calm and said I understood. He was very sweet about it (again, he's seriously such a nice guy), and says he doesn't want to lead me on. Of course I cried... a lot. I went through his excuses and knew they didn't make sense. I knew it was from the herpes. I text him a few things about how I'd appreciate it if he still got educated, because well, that's important! I told him I know he likes me, and that I hope it's not because of the herpes. He eventually said he needs some time to process things, and hopes I understand. Of course I understand that, so I backed off. This was on Saturday. He text me today saying he has mono and wanted to let me know, really hopes he doesn't get me sick. We talked a little back and forth about the game (Go Pats! Super Bowl Champs!), and (maybe stupidly) I told him I miss him. His response was that he was going to go rest, and maybe in a few days when he's feeling better we can talk a little more. I told him I'd like that. Ladies, gents - what do I do now? Of course I am willing to give him time and space, but when we do talk, do you have any suggestions? I'm not sure if I'm hoping he's on the fence about this, or if I'm way off and he's just being polite. Have you been in this situation? How do I stop myself from going crazy wondering and waiting to hear from him? Thanks everyone! BlueSky