GingerRita

I'm 38, recently divorced and recently diagnosed with HSV2. I'm in Richmond, VA and would love to get linked with a buddy via online or face to face.

Hey everyone. I've known about my HSV2+ status for about a month or two now and previously posted about my initial shock and shame, which ultimately led to some relief and feelings of peace once receiving some positive words from all you awesome people, as well as support and comfort from the guy I've been casually seeing off and on this year. I believe my previous post was even changed to a success story. Unfortunately I woke up this morning so incredibly sad, I laid in bed crying for an hour before making myself get up, take my vitamins, eat a healthy breakfast and sign on here to get some support. Last night while spending time with my closest friends, I felt a dark cloud start to come over me and I haven't been able to shake it. My closest friends are two couples, and several times throughout the night, herpes jokes somehow got thrown into silly conversations (and believe it or not even in a social video game we were all playing together) and I could feel myself slowing closing in and withdrawing from everyone. I haven't told any of my friends yet about the HSV. I just don't feel ready. I've been newly single this past year after leaving a very long (15 years), unhappy marriage. I have already felt incredibly scared and unsure at times about getting into dating again BEFORE getting the positive diagnosis. And the guy I've been casually seeing off and on lives out of town and since my initial disclosure with him, he has recently become distant, not contacting me as often and admittedly having his own reactions, as he fears he may be responsible for giving me HSV (he says he's going to get tested, but I've barely heard from him in two weeks). Between the herpes jokes flying around, the one person in my life who knows about my HSV distancing himself from me, AND being in the presence of two happy couples, I feel lost and incredibly alone, even though I know rationally that's not the case. You see, I'm a mental health therapist and counsel people everyday on how to challenge and overcome shame and learn to gain acceptance in their lives, but I'm honestly just having a hard time taking my own advice today. The thoughts and feelings swirling around my head today include: -Envy towards those in happy relationships -Fear and pessimism about how to get back into dating with disclosure (which sucks because I'm truly an optimist) -Anger because herpes jokes fucking suck and are simultaneously reinforced in our culture -Anger at arriving here after SOOOO many friends in my life have told me I deserve the best after coming out of a shitty marriage. I believed that to be true too, but this doesn't feel like the best. I'm grieving the loss of the single life I THOUGHT I was going to have. I'm an incredibly sexual person and feel completely stifled by this. No end in sight for when I'll have sex again :( Anyway, I know I have had some good days since the HSV diagnosis so I'm trying to hold on to that. I'm doing all I can to take care of myself, I just hate the waves of bad days like these. Any support or encouragement you amazing people can offer me today would be awesome. I want to get back to a place of loving myself and my life again.

Thank you @fitgirl, @WCSDancer2010, @chikitta13. I took the scary, necessary step of disclosing to the guy I've been seeing off and on for the past few months. We have the most amazing connection I've ever had with another human being, so this disclosure was honestly a little terrifying for me. His response was so much more than I could have hoped for. He wasn't at all shocked, angry or disgusted with me. He simply told me he was sorry I found this news out and that he doesn't judge me at all. That aside from the social stigma, he said "it's really and tremendously a trivial thing." He has even gone as far as to do his own research and find all sorts of silver linings for us if he ends up testing positive. For the first time since getting the positive diagnosis, I feel sexy again! Thank you all for being so amazingly informative and supportive. I'm starting to feel like everything is going to be okay :)

Thanks you @ihaveittoo1975. You're response and suggestions are so appreciated. You're literally the first person I've talked to since finding out. I've been wondering about my antibody level in regards to what it means about how long I may have been walking around with HSV2 unknowingly. It makes me question everything and everyone I've been with for the past however long. But from everything I've read and what my doctor told me, I guess I'll never know for sure just how long I've had this. She just said it's likely I've had it awhile. Definitely not likely I got it from the encounter I had a month before my diagnosis. No idea about whether my husband could have given this to me. He had cheated on me years ago, but said he used condoms. So I guess he's suspect considering condoms aren't a sure thing. I also caught him having an emotional affair back in the winter of 2013, which led to our eventual end. But he swears they never did the deed. Who the hell knows. I just feel so defeated. This past year has hit on just about every major aspect of my life: marital separation, legal issues, having to sell my house and relocate, etc. I actually joked with a friend not too long ago saying "the only thing I'm missing is something medical or physical going on!" Sure enough, I guess I jinxed myself. This is definitely the final blow. I'm scared of what the future holds. I felt so liberated and free after finally separating from my husband and now I feel trapped all over again. Im also scared that others will judge me and look at me differently. I'm already judging myself differently, but trying to stop. I know it's not helping my shame whatsoever. I also know it's not true. But damn. Coming to terms with this is TOUGH!

Also...I am a hot yoga addict, typically going 4x/week. I also like to bike when the weather is warm. I've been somewhat nervous about keeping these activities up, as I don't want to trigger an outbreak. But I also don't want to deprive myself of the activities that help me stay present-focused and help me release stress, so I'm going to keep going and just shower immediately after and hope for the best! Even though I haven't really had any symptoms aside from what I thought was a yeast infection (although now I'm questioning EVERYTHING) I have decided to start the daily suppressant (Valtrex) for peace of mind more than anything. It helps me feel like I am tending to this new diagnosis in one of the few ways I can. I have also read diet is important. Luckily I eat a ton of fruit and kale and stay away from sweets generally. Any thoughts on daily suppressant therapy even when not sexually active? Any other suggestions on ways to embrace this and take better care of myself are most appreciated!

Hi everyone. I got the call from my doctor last Friday informing me of my HSV2+ diagnosis. I was, of course shocked, then scared, and ultimately ashamed. I'm 38 years old, separated from husband of 15 years about a year ago and have since tried to start a new life for myself. Adjusting to being single after 15 years has been hard enough and NOW I've added HSV2 to my single status. Joy. What's hardest for me right now is trying to figure out how I got here. I have had no outbreaks. I'm asymptomatic. My doctor informed me that most likely I've had this for awhile given my antibodies are at 8.1. I realize there's no way of knowing, but I haven't had many encounters except with a girl about a month ago and before that a guy who I've had an off and on relationship with for the past 8 months. He said he had a blood test previously and was negative. So I don't know, but I'm going a little crazy trying to figure it out. Along with trying to psych myself up to tell him and the girl, which makes my stomach turn a little. Anyway, I know I may never figure it out and I need to just continue working on accepting this new little friend I've acquired. I've seen it as a wake up call to respect myself more, take care of myself and put myself as my first and most important priority. I have told no one yet. I'm just not ready. So I am incredibly grateful to have found this site and read all of your amazingly supportive and informative posts here. I've consumed SOOO much information and suggestions on how to cope with this since my diagnosis, which has been helpful. This is just a tough blow after having already been through a really tough year of single life adjustment. I can only hope and tell myself it will get better.