ElysianDame

I disclosed to someone I was dating last year and he rejected me (later I realized it was much too soon and he really wasn't as into me as he was "getting" into me). I recently reached out to someone I dated years ago about his opinion of me disclosing to him. I had to know if he felt it was too soon and how he genuinely felt. This man and I dated for five months and I chose to disclose because he was very attracted to me and he also asked me to spend the night with him- asking if I wanted to make love. I hadn't yet disclosed to him at that point and I really wasn't ready for a sexual relationship. Few weeks later I disclosed to him and he was very understanding. This was his reply to me: I appreciated the fact that you told me about it. Being upfront and direct says a lot about the sincerity of a person. I felt compassion and empathetic about it. I told you how I felt at that moment; my attraction for you was very evident and I enjoyed being with you. No, the information wasn't rushed by any means. It was perfect when you brought it up to my attention. You're a great woman. Will always be in my mind. I hope this humble view of mine helps you see your own great heart. His response absolutely made my heart smile. I realized that disclosing to someone means you trust the person and feel comfortable being vulnerable. I believe a person has to be worthy of such a disclosure and allow time to reveal who he or she really is. You'll know when you meet that person! I firmly believe being open and honest and after this humble view, I don't feel ashamed anymore. Just depends on the person and their level of maturity.

I now know this guy couldn't wait until I was out of sight for him to reject me the way he knows how...the cowards way. No worries! It wasn't meant to be and why would I want someone so cold in my life.

I also decided to disclose because he introduced me to his thirteen year old daughter and took me away for the weekend with them. I admit in that small time frame, I was getting used to being around his daughter. For these reasons, I believed this man was for real and wanted the meaningful relationship he spoke to me about. However, my mother did think that his actions were too hasty after only three weeks.

Thank you everyone. Thank you Dancer. The reason I disclosed after 3 weeks was because he asked me to be his girlfriend and I knew things would eventually turn physical so i wanted to be upfront. I dont feel like the delivery was in any way wrong but would you suggest taking more time like say 3 months to disclose to someone?

Oh my! That was informative and straight up awesome. Thanks a lot.

If you have herpes should you only date people with herpes as to avoid rejection and/or stigma of having "THE TALK" with a person who doesn't have an STD?

I recently decided to get back into dating and met a man who I was beginning to really like. We had been seeing each other for 3 weeks when he asked me to be his girlfriend. (Since my ex boyfriend did not fully disclose his diagnosis to me, I always told myself I would never do that to anyone else.) His response to me "I understand. I read about it and it doesn't bother me. You really thought I would reject you because of that? I want to be with you". He then kissed me, hugged me and said " I'm so happy we're together". I left his house feeling on top of the world. I felt that this man accepted me for me. So it came as a surprise that just 4 days after disclosing, he sends me a text..yes a text...not a phone call and says "I spoke to my doctor and he said we can't have a healthy intimate relationship. I would end up getting it eventually. I'm sorry, but I have to change my mind. Your an amazing women, one I could see myself marrying but it's with a heavy heart that I've made my decision". I felt like my heart split in two. I almost threw up. Not only was this man not respectful enough to pick up the phone but I felt deceived. How could someone give you so much reassurance that your diagnosis doesn't matter and they want to be with you anyway and then dump you...especially not face to face? This is the first time I have been rejected. This opened my eyes to people who are afraid of what they don't understand. But what pisses me off the most is that this man lied to me and said he read about HSV and understands when in fact he did not. He could of easily said " I need some time to process this". To avoid rejection again, I think it would be best to sign up for a herpes dating site instead risk such pain again. My diagnosis does not define me but is simply an unfortunate circumstance. Any thoughts?