EllaMight

@Robyn_ Omg I'm so happy for you!!!! Well done hun! If you want you can send me a personal message of how you approached it, as I'm really curious to know what worked for you! x

Hi love, Sorry to hear how bad you are having it. :( I'm on my first outbreak too, and the nurse said I had a particularly nasty case! To be honest maybe you should take more time off work - I've taken the whole week off as I'm in agony. If that is not an option then take it verrry easy and try not to move around too much. Lucas Paw Paw cream is great for sores, I've only just started using it today and wish I'd used it sooner as it works very fast. Coconut oil and tea tree oil is good too, apply it every hour if you can. Apparently sores can take up to 3 weeks to heal but we can get through this hun! The first outbreak is usually the worst one. You're in my thoughts, hope you feel better soon. Ella x

I just feel so bad. I really, really was trying to be positive but I guess that was too good to be true. It's amazing how fragile I actually am that words from someone I love can destroy any hope I have of having a normal future. And it's only been a few days. Please tell me the beginning is the worst of it, because I'm not sure I can cope if it goes downhill from here.

Hello. I need you to know I feel very alone right now. I was diagnosed a few days ago. I thought I was doing well and I thought I could do this. I've just cried for the first time since the clinic in my epsom salts bath. I feel so lonely it's like a thousand knives of pain in my stomach. I just want to curl up and disappear. I know in time I might find someone who will understand this but, I just feel hopeless. I felt bad in the bath but my mum coming in made it worse. When she saw me crying there silently, I just wanted to hear that the future will be okay, and it's not that bad, and it will get better. But she instead says things like "I didn't think I would do this" "well, you did it and have to suffer the consequences" "it's like you don't really care" (when I was trying to be positive and not let it get to me.) I said to her "have you ever considered that I acted like that because inside I was terrified and felt like the only choice I had was to be strong?" I also told her I just needed a little empathy, I'm in a fragile place and need to try to overcome this, not be reprimanded and made again to feel like this is all my fault and be given life lessons about everything I did wrong. She also says things like I should not tell ANYONE as its a shameful thing, and when I try to talk to her about disclosing to future partners she says things like 'WELL, there's a huge stigma. WELL, herpes is seen as a dirty, sl*tty thing. I'd be very careful if I were you." It hurts me so much because my mum and I are so close and I understand she is trying to come to terms with it too and she is a worried parent, but I don't think she realises what she says hurts me so much, and weakens my already weak belief that I can get better. If my own mum can't understand then will I have to convince other people 300% before they even consider me as a person again?

Hi everyone, my name is Ella and I joined this site a few days ago. I was diagnosed with herpes 2 days ago. I am 19 years old and have lived in London, UK, all my life. Trying to stay positive and see this as a new challenge to help me grow as a person :) I'd like to message with with absolutely anyone whether new or a veteran, male/female, any age, with herpes to get to know more real people with it and help me get things in perspective. :) Thank you! x

@Robyn_ Oh Robyn, good luck darling! You're ridiculously brave to consider disclosing, it must be a big thing for you! You're still you, there's no need to feel any sort of shame or guilt. It's normal to feel scared, but it's a good thing and something to be proud of that you feel you can actually even tell him! :) Whatever happens, will happen. Your self worth will not count on this. You are absolutely gorgeous and lovely. Drop me a message whenever you feel like it hun! I'll be sure to keep in contact with you. :) Ella x

@fitgirl Thanks so much for the advice, now I think I have a good idea now of the type of approach I want to take! I often use a matter of fact / doesn't bother me / I'm still me approach when I disclose Asperger's and depression. Like it's just something I have, and I'm always striving to work on, improve on and get under control. No different than herpes! :) I agree with you, I think the state of mind is really important... I'm almost thankful I have had other "labels" in the past to help me accept this one more easily! Growing up I've never been one to judge others too harshly, and I always try to be mindful of any battles anyone else is going through because I know how it feels to feel alone and like you're the only one wrong with anything wrong with you. I hate any sort of stigma about ANYTHING, racism, speciesm, sexism, homophobia, mental health stigma, eating disorders to name a few! I am happy that my past accidental-ignorance of sexual health is now lesser and more informed though, so now I can relate to others better on this topic if it applies to them too! :) I've looked around the forums today and you're very inspiring. Keep up the good work, it looks like you are helping A LOT of people and I just want to thank you for what you do. You're a boss! ;) Haha, thanks about the face picture! Of course. Herpes isn't me, I admit I couldn't look in the mirror without thinking 'OMG I AM HERPES' for a while yesterday, but now I literally just see Ella. ^^ I'm still lovely! Thanks for reading.

@New_Moon Thanks so much for the info! This really helps me put things in perspective and has made me feel so much better, thank you. I wouldn't blame someone for being a bit shocked about it, just a week ago before I even knew I had herpes I would be shocked too! But yeah, it's great they accepted it! And about finding understanding people, you are 200% right! I would want a caring guy who wouldn't leave at the first sign of an "issue", and the herpes disclosure could act as a good teller/screening possibly. We'll get through this together! I'm already feeling positive about this and it's only been a day, I'm quite happy with that! :) I shall be on here on and off, I'll be sure to get back in contact with you when I am, lovely.

@fitgirl Hey fitgirl! Loved the post, in 100% agreement with it's message! Time to get more educated for me, I know a lot more than I did, but I'm not sure how I'd educate someone about the ins and outs of herpes without sounding a bit preachy.

Hey guys, I'm from Scotland a bit older than you lot (I'm 34!! Ha) but I can tell you I have good and bad days and have had two successful disclosures since being diagnosed at 31 :) The H bomb is super common so we are defo not alone and this place proves that and is a great place for support when you need it and you can help others in return which is great :) Hang in there x @New_Moon Hi New Moon, thanks for the supportive word! So happy to hear you have had 2 successful disclosures. Did you have to wait long before you told them? Was it a big-talk sort of thing or just a positive chat when you were both relaxed?

I'm still waiting on my test results... never had a pb but only pain that sounded like herpes lol I'm scared that my test will be positive because I've slept around (I'm a male) and didn't know much about stds actually one girl said she gave me herpes but eith no ob I blew it off. Especially since she told me after I she caught me and her friend yanno... anyways im 19 also from Detroit mi you can talk to me for support. @spark Giving you all my luck for your tests results. I feel your pain. Sure, we can talk. Just private message me when you get the chance!

Hi Ella, I'm Robyn! I'm 21 and currently living in Scotland. I was diagnosed about 8 months ago. Reading other people's stories has been helping me for a while now, but this is the first time I've actually posted! I was still of the 'me and also them' mindset, rather than accepting that its now 'us' until your post spoke to me. You sound like you're coping pretty well considering my love, I can't say I did so well to begin with! Its a shitty shitty deal, but you are absolutely right regarding giving yourself time. When I was first diagnosed, I sunk into an absolute pit of despair, and didn't get out of bed for more than 2 weeks. It was a pretty horrendous outbreak, but I didn't move even after it had passed. I suppose I thought I could just wait out the rest of my life locked in my room and nobody would ever have to know! I'm pleased to report that I came to my senses. While there are still difficult days, I've realised that life goes on. And that it can be pretty damn beautiful regardless. I'd actually say the last year has been the best of my life, despite the fact that 8 months of it have been spent living with herpes! I've been all over the world with my closest friends, started my dream PhD, moved to another country by myself and made a whole load of new friends along the way. And all since the day I declared my life over! I've also met someone new and may be close to my first disclosure. Absolutely terrified, so won't say too much about that yet! I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I was you, not too long ago, and that it really does get better. I'm more than happy to talk whenever you need someone. I had a few close friends who've been absolute lifesavers throughout this whole thing, as I wasn't brave enough to reach out to anyone through here. I can't imagine anything beating talking to someone who knows exactly what you're going through though! R x ps. I'm a pierced/tattooed vegetarian feminist, so I feel your 'label' pain! @Robyn_ Hello Robyn! Thank you so much for your reply, I'm glad my post spoke out to you. This is exactly what I needed to hear, I totally understand about locking yourself away. I'm a little homebound right now as I can't even walk but hopefully will be out and about soon again! I even laughed and made silly jokes about me getting herpes with my brother/best friend I've told today, all in good humour of course, but I'm surprised that I did not find it personally offensive at all. I think having the other labels (you feel my pain with the veggie/feminist stuff! And tattoos are totally awesome) has conditioned me well to believe that labels aren't ME, they're just a PART of me. I have Asperger's as well, and have accepted that part of me. This is one of the reasons I engaged in risky behaviour sexually, I'm a little all-or-nothing. So the herpes thing, I think I can live with it. It's not that bad. I'd love to talk with you more. Perhaps we can message privately occasionally to keep each other updated with our progress. It sounds like you pretty much have accepted everything now though and are living a rich and fulfilling life! Which is inspiring! Wishing you lots of luck with your disclosure! You're very brave! That's the one thing I am concerned about in the future. Let me know how it goes! May I ask how long have you have known her/him before you decided to disclose? Ella x

Hi there, I’m Ella, I’m 19 years old and I live in London, UK. I was diagnosed with herpes yesterday afternoon at a walk in clinic. I'm on medication 5 times a day for 10 days and maybe a daily treatment thereafter as it was a "severe case". I was so devastated, I couldn’t stop crying, my mum was with me at the clinic and all I could think of was how on earth could I tell her. I said to the nurses “Now I can never have a loving relationship. No one is going to want me.” because they told me it was for life. (I'm challenging this statement now, not being so emotionally charged, but ultimately still feel like this). After an hour I snapped out of it and saw this as another opportunity to strengthen myself and become the best version of myself that I can be, and that herpes wasn't me, it was just a part of me. (I'm pretty used to labels. Aspergers, vegan, depression, IBS.. Psh. I'm the perfect date!) But today... I’m just feeling really depressed about it all. I think anyone would feel sad, it’s understandable. I'm in a bit of disbelief really. Things were finally looking up for me, I finally got myself a part time job, went vegan, my bill of health was so clean, and now I feel so dirty. I know this doesn’t change me as a person. I need time - been through all sorts of emotions in under a day since diagnosis. I’m hoping disclosing herpes won’t be extremely difficult. I've gotten much negative/rude feedback from telling people I am vegan, because there is a huge stigma attached to that and people generally know of it, and I’m guessing peoples reactions to herpes will be similarly handled in a negative way - well, probably a little worse than being a vegan. My symptoms are pretty bad right now.. suffering my first outbreak… I am in so much pain, can’t even sit or sleep or do anything without pain! When this all calms down, hopefully things will start looking up. I'd really like to talk to some people on here so we can help each other get through this and not feel so down and alone about it. Please message me if you want to talk or can offer me any advice, long term sufferers! (And new guys, let's get through this together one step at a time!) Thanks for reading, Ella