Mrose90

@anna01 thank you Anna. Thank you so much for the encouragement. Finding this forum has really been a blessing for me, I really needed these things said to me. I have have pitying myself and bullying myself for years. It is so unhealthy. I'm ready to make changes in the way I view myself. I AM a beautiful person inside and out. I have been told this by my loved ones time and again. For some reason I always fell into self loath. The links that Dancer posted for me to view really hit home for me. H is making me confront myself, I've always had insecurities and have always doubted myself. I'm sorry to say that I've used the "I Can't" more the "I can" or "I'll Try". I've held myself back from so many things for fear of failing; for fear of what OTHERS might think of ME. I know that it won't happen overnight and that I really have to step back and look at how I live my life and the kind of people that I'm surrounding myself with. I was in a pretty dark head space lately . I'm super thankful for the encouragement and support that I have received from @fitgirl, @WCSDancer2010. And. @anna01 From the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU

@fitgirl and @WCSDancer2010 Thank you so much for your responses. I understand what you are saying. When I step back and look at it, everything you're saying makes perfect sense. I know that I have got a lot of work to do on my personal growth and I think that joining this site is the first step towards that. Thank you for the hard words WCSDancer2010 , they needed to be said and I need a good shaking. I'm so glad that this site exists. I never knew that the virus live in the nervous system and have been easily mislead. I don't get regular outbreaks.. Should I still take antiviral a daily? Or do I just take them when an outbreak appears?

I feel the same Val. I've been ghosted and flat out told to leave. everyone that doesn't know that I have H think that I am this cool, fun, cute surfer girl.... and I am, except I have herpes.

I was diagnosed in 2012. I may possibly have contracted it earlier and dismissed it as something else. I was in a relationship at the time, my ex was claimed that he did not also have it (which is why I think I may have got it earlier). Things between us didn't work for unrelated reasons. We split in 2013. since then I have been single and avoiding any kind of intimate relationship. The only other people that know about my condition are my mother and sister, both of which do not feel comfortable to talk to me about it. I have avoided talking to my brother at all for over a year for fear of what he'd think of me if he found out. He now thinks that I hate him for some random reason, he has a one year old daughter that I have also never met. H is actually ruining my life. I have such a deep hatred for myself that I cant even face my family. In the past 3 years I have just kept traveling and moving to different countries and towns. I have had some amazing experiences and met great people, but I always feel like I'm sitting on the outside looking in everyone around me living their lives to the fullest. I always try to put H at the back of my mind and carry on as if I'm the same as everyone else. It generally works, I am bubbly and active and I feel happy until I get too close to someone, then I freak out and can't open up to them, this means they always find someone else to confide in. Its any relationship too not just romantic ones. I haven't had a close friend in a long time. I disclosed twice to men that I thought would be accepting, one guy literally couldn't leave fast enough and the other guy seemed all cool then just stopped talking to me. I don't take any anti viral drugs. I don't like the idea of taking something continuously that can damage my liver or kidneys. I have read about drinking 35% food grade hydrogen peroxide diluted in distilled water as a cure. Has anyone else read about this? is it complete bull crap? How does herpes survive in the body? wouldn't a strengthened immune system be able to kill the virus? Please help. I can't keep living like this, I need to be my whole self.