lynnie

People for the most part are ass holes! Realized that more after getting divorced and back into the dating scene again. You just have to realize that most aren't worth your time and being in the dating scene again for 5 years most men are just looking to get laid and not into developing a true relationship. So don't let anyone bring you down for what was given to you. So many think they are crap after finding out that they contracted herpes but actually it has made me stronger from the rejection I have received that you have to prove to me that you are worth my time anymore! I personally could care less about sex anymore until I meet someone I feel is worth giving myself to again. I know it is hard to have self respect after finding out you have contracted this but it really isn't as bad as it is made out to be and you are NOT a piece of crap! It is easy for me to say now, 5 years ago I was allowing myself to be used looking for someone to accept me feeling like a disease. I know it takes time to put your head around this but give yourself credit and don't let those make you feel like dirt. They may not have herpes but I guarantee they have other things about them that are just as demeaning like their bad attitude and thinking they are indestructible. I would rather have H and be a good person than not and be a total jerk! So give yourself some credit! This is a great site for feeling better about yourself and you may end up meeting the love of your life who has it also.

Yes it is! I live in a town with a lot of older people and in the winter a lot go for walks. One day I saw this old couple walking hand in hand still and I thought to myself how nice that is that they still even like each other. So many today are out for their pleasure and wonder why they end up single or divorced when the fire runs out of the bedroom. It is important to have other things in common so you enjoy that person on a whole other level. So yes, time to change patterns.

I have to say that talking to other women is so healing! Guys don't talk like this, it is all about who they banged that night. I hope that one proves me wrong one day but I sure as hell am not meeting him and that's ok. Hell right now I have more important things to do like find a job. Just left a 3 year care giving job a week ago due to a lot of ciaos due to her son and don't want to be held responsible when she ends up killing herself from falling on his watch. Have photos of her injuries this past month. She has someone else there to care for her but she also can't stand the son and has a lot more back bone than I do to stick up for herself and his mom. He is such a dick and walked in on him jacking off one day in his bedroom with the door open. He had porn going off in his room at times in the morning, don't know if he thought he was turning me on. So hopefully you can see my frustration with men in general. That is all I basically have met over the years. So yes, I am learning to love myself for once and don't need to be treated poorly anymore. Glad you are also.

I am going to be 50 next month and have played the field enough these past 5 years. My body isn't a prize to the average ass hole to give me something else. Going through the dating scene again these past 5 years after being married for 16 yrs has been a total eye opener on what a jerk the average guy is and banging me isn't a one time prize! Thinking about my past relationships I am much better on my own, all they did was take from me emotionally and financially so I would rather stay home alone than allow myself to be used again. There is nothing more aggravating then when you allow someone to take you to bed and you are so frustrated because they got off and are ready to sleep and you have to go off with your little vibrator friend to get off yourself, I can do that by myself and know I will get there and not catch another disease. I am getting to the point that I could care less how they tick when the average one doesn't know how or care how to provide for the average woman to get us to that constant excitement in the bedroom. There is give and take and it isn't all about his sexual needs. Good luck to you and hope you find that one great catch. I have met a lot of guys over the last 5 years off these sites and finally started to show my contamination from the get go because most of them are all hot and heavy to get in my pants right off the bat and got so tired of that and tired of the talk then they change their tune. Been called beautiful on moment then a whore the next. Just tired of the whole process and have a 15 year old son at home and his dad lives out of state so don't have the time or want to expose him to any more. I'm sorry but am going to wait for that diamond in the ruff if he ever shows up and am better off being alone if he doesn't.

I got red flags also and have pretty much gotten to that point also. I have always been afraid of being able to support myself but remembering back all they ever did was take from me. I haven't even seen child support in over 2 years from ex and he takes most of my daughters paycheck that lives with because he was let go from his last high paying job and is at an age and has burned his bridges too many times he can't get work at a high paying job anymore. I also enjoy the whole bed to myself! LOL Can never get a decent nights sleep with someone else.

What you say is so true! But I think I need to take a break from it all together and if he shows up great and if not so be it. I am not allowing myself to be taken advantage of again and when they see that they usually go on to the next one. Am tired of being used and sex isn't that great anyway so why go there. I usually have to get myself off afterwards out of frustration and I can do that by myself anytime without worrying what I'm going to catch next. The one thing this has taught me is to respect myself and that is the most valuable lesson I could have learned. The herpes thing doesn't even affect me anymore and that took quite a while to accomplish, so thank you dating for doing that to me! LOL Wish you luck also and thank you for your comments in this. I have to say this has been the greatest experience for me actually being able to talk to other women instead of being on the other side being hit on by a-holes. This is a great site and so happy to have found it. Thank you again!

Hi Ladies, I believe today's dating, relationship is much different than years ago. Taken more casually. Maybe because today's society has accepted casual sex, multiple partners and the opposite sex is a dime of dozen. So easy to dump and fish again. After experiencing the fishing scene for awhile catching nothing but crazy catches one starts to believe all fishes are same, therefore treating them likewise. Unfair to the rest. In my dating experience, guys believe sex should come date three. It's in their blood to always try. My saying is, guys always want to get laid but want to marry a virgin. Lol. When I said that to the guy I'm with now. His response was, because those girls we score with are for the other guy (to marry). To be fair, the shoe can easily fit on the other foot. Girls do the same. I'm guilty. Bottom line, to find a different kind of fish one needs to try a new fishing spot with a different approach, technique and attitude. Changing expectations helps too. Allow yourself to stand out among the rest by being yourself. Confidence is key. Herpes is only a piece of this puzzle. Good luck. Most importantly have fun.

I know what you are saying. Just met this guy off of match.com the other day and he is dyslexic and couldn't read my whole profile so when we met I asked him if he read that I have herpes and he said no that he couldn't read everything but told me he had it also. He hasn't had it but a few years and seems so desperate to have someone in his life that he tells me how he makes a lot of money and redoes cars etc and all he has done is made me nervous about seeing him again. He says how he wants someone to have a relationship with that he would like to find the gal who gave him this and sue her. I keep telling him I'm not into sex off the bat and he keeps telling me how much he likes it but if I come over he won't try anything like I have told him everyone else does when you go to their house. I am getting like you, tired of the stupid games they play and haven't had actual sex in so long that it doesn't even bother me. I don't like being alone but when I do meet people I want my space so am thinking I am more comfortable without a man anymore. Looking back at my past they have all brought unhappiness in my life and bankruptcy twice that I have been married because of their debt and I had to file because I said I DO. It sucks to be lonely but it sucks more to be with someone that makes you unhappy. I just need to keep telling myself that every time I meet these jerks. I am with you, I am going to stop looking and if he shows up great and if not so be it. We are what is important and not whether or not we are going to please a dick tonight! They have a hand for that! So just be strong and hang on to your integrity! Easy for me to tell someone else but I am getting there also. We need to start a group of women who aren't taking men's shit anymore! LOL

And thank you for welcoming me!

I have to tell you how nice it has been to talk to other women on this site and how nice you all have been and are just as frustrated as I am. I have always gotten so much flax for telling about being honest on the sites. You can only take so much rejection until you snap! I always find that guys text you all the time at first and then they start sending you the same text which I wonder if you can save and reuse then you don't hear from them at all. Now I get them trying to convince me into going to bed with them, how big they are, sending me photos that I have gotten so disgusted that I tell them right off the bat that I can give myself an orgasm and most of them can't. They make great toys that don't give you a present to live with for rest of your life. I used to be very shy and afraid to open my mouth and after the last jerk I decided it wasn't worth it anymore. It is going to take a hell of a guy to get me there again and it has already been 2 1/2 yrs since I went all the way with anyone. I see old couples walking hand in hand still and wonder if that is still even possible this day and age. I hope to meet that person one day but I refuse to let myself get used again in the process of finding him. All I can say is value yourself and don't allow anyone to take advantage of you! He doesn't deserve you!

It is very frustrating! You try to help people and they take offense to what you are trying to say. I have been glad to find this site, people are so nice on here not judging you. It is hard enough to have the H curse but it is harder to find people to share your frustrations with and not be torn down because they don't agree with you. I don't post stuff that I think is going to piss people off, I am just trying to make people feel better about this situation. It hasn't been easy since my divorce 5 years ago and going back into the dating nightmare. I got so fed up after my last relationship 2 1/2 years ago that I just don't let anyone in anymore, he has got to be a pretty nice non using person to do that again. Thank you so much for talking to me and it is nice to find this site!

@lynnie I get what you're saying. I used to provide support on another forum and it mentally drained me. People were very combative and aggressive and in denial. It was very negative on there and people who were hypercondriacks were on there and the males were the worst. It got so bad, that I wouldn't respond to posts made by makes, because they were so difficult for me to deal w in that site. I pretty much stopped even checking my personal email, because I didn't want to deal w it anymore and then I checked back the other week and felt bad, as I had all these personal messages from people freaking out and wanting to speak to me, but I just couldn't do it anymore on that site. It was draining. Here people look around for a bit, before commenting and posting, so the tone is set for them before they post. Very different on here.

Just wrote you a novel on hotmail! LOL I now see you do live in Illinois. I would like to stay in contact and when you do relocate back here will get you into this group. I'm not sure if POS has one in Illinois or not but this other one is new. Take care and have a great day! And happy to have made a new friend

My dad hasn't been a one woman man, he has just been lucky. Why do you think I didn't have a great upbringing on building a good relationship instead of thinking sex is how you find it. My mom wasn't the best example either but after becoming a Born Again Christian over 30 years ago made it even worse. I would like to talk to you in private, my e-mail is Tamlynn65@yahoo.com and I can get you in that group. Actually they are having a get together tonight at a place in Phoenix at 6:00. Let me know if you are interested and I will find the place and address, I am planning on going for the first time in quite a while. This is through AZ Peeps which is a new group.

It is so nice to hear of people using this as a way to help others, I told my kids also and told them never to be afraid to come to me and ask me anything! I didn't have that growing up and got promiscuous trying to find someone to love me, most of the time it was to use me. I had been married once before for 1 1/2 years and was tested right after that and came up clean. I assume it was the guy I was shortly dating prior to meeting my husband who had it and at the time they just did a pap and it didn't show up, didn't find out what it was until 3 1/2 yrs later after my daughter was born and went in to find out what these breakouts were. I was shocked and at least my ex was very good about it and said he loved me and it didn't matter if he got it. He has never had a breakout for 20 yrs but don't know if he was ever tested and I'm sure never told his current wife. He did have his good moments it is just the bad overpower the memories. I am so glad to hear that you have met a nice person, that is hard in the un-diseased world to find anymore. I also found that when I posted my picture on normal sites telling them of what I had they were very responsive and have never gotten bad feedback unlike the when I hid it and thought someone else had it from his comments and I went from being beautiful to a whore. I have had enough of that crap over the years and have gotten bad feedback for posting it on facebook saying it is nobody's business then hearing about their bad experiences telling someone then being rejected. There is only one person I don't want to find out and that is my father, one day we were walking around his property and he made bad comments about people who had it and at that time I had just relocated back to AZ and was going through so much emotionally from my divorce that it made me feel like a real piece of crap. So I have gone through so many different emotions with this and finally got fed up with the last guy I shortly dated 2 1/2 years ago and that is the last time I have had sex. Been out with others who have tried but that is it for me until I find that one special person I see a future with, if he will ever come who knows but sex for the most part doesn't even interest me anymore. I really appreciate you contacting me! It is so nice to get nice feedback from my post anymore. I just try to help others anymore and they get so controversial with me that I learned to keep my mouth shut about a lot of things on the facebook group. I am not there to piss people off but to try and get them to open their eyes and see that this is not as bad as it is made out by others, screw them and hopefully out of their ignorance don't catch it one day!