gr8fulheart

Hi everyone, I'm a 26 year old female recently diagnosed with HSV 2. I'm finding it hard to accept my diagnosis, I struggle emotionally every day, feeling like my whole world has been turned upside down. I carry a lot of self blame and guilt, even though I caught it from a guy I was in a relationship with at the time - he was unaware that he had it. Our relationship didn't work out, and now I'm struggling to handle this as a single person. I've convinced myself that I'll never meet anyone, marry or have a family of my own, something that I would love to have one day. I'm successful in every other aspect of my life, I have a lot going for me, but I've always said that I would trade it all to have a family and be in a loving relationship. I feel like that's no longer an option. I feel very unsupported by the healthcare system in the UK (I'm from Scotland), I was advised in a 5 minute phone call that I had the virus and wasn't offered a follow up appointment to discuss treatment options. I've researched the condition myself and bought my own medication. I wasn't given the opportunity to talk to anyone about it. I feel very alone. I'd love to have someone to talk to, male or female, preferably both. Thank you. @gemini26 I understand. When my doctor called me about my HSV-2 diagnoses I was shocked. Her delivery was also awful, she gave me no information and left me in tears. She just basically said, 'yeah you have this, it's not a big deal' and that was it. I felt alone, gross and hopeless. That was over a year ago now and I've come a long way since then. I used this page as a resource and scoured the internet for information. I now realize what people have been trying to tell me but, I just wasn't ready to believe. Herpes in not the end of anything. You can have the relationship you want. You can have a family. It's going to be okay. This has not changed who you are or what you deserve. Trust me. You will weed out any jerks who don't want to be with you for you, and it will be tough, but you have to remind yourself that anyone who doesn't want to be with you because of this isn't meant for you. You want to find a partner that will be with you through everything life throws at you and this will weed out anyone not made of the right stuff. But your own acceptance is key. Be kind to yourself most of all. A little over a month ago I met the most amazing man. We had instant chemistry and as we got to know each other better the fear of losing him in a disclosure became terrifying. You see, I've disclosed before, but I still carried the shame of herpes and during the past disclosures that's what I conveyed. In time, I've learned there is no reason to feel this shame. Herpes is manageable. The risk to a partner is so small, 1-2% with medication. This shift in my outlook when I told the new guy changed everything. I had confidence, I knew I was worthy and I was no longer ashamed. We actually had some laughs during the talk and after I felt so relieved. He asked me some questions and obviously had some knowledge of herpes and wasn't afraid. He didn't bolt! You will come to terms with this. Give yourself the time. It is a lot to process in the beginning. It took me over a year and I never thought I'd get here. Don't lose hope, continue to use this site as a resource and don't hesitate to reach out. Hugs to you!

Hello All, After leaving a relationship that lasted 8 years after learning he was cheating, then testing positive for HSV-2, it hasn't been easy. For the last year and a half I've been doing a lot of soul searching, coming to terms with the end of my relationship and working at accepting my HSV-2 diagnoses. Every day I feel like I'm getting there, slowly. Recently, I met someone who I could really could see myself with and it's absolutely amazing. Yay! We had an instant connection and so much in common...by the second date this week we were holding hands, kissing, laughing and hugging like we've known each other for ages. It feels so right. I'm so terrified of 'the talk'. I've watched some of the videos on here with advice on disclosing and they are really helpful but I'm just so nervous. I'm not great with my words and I get nervous so quickly. I struggle with saying exactly what I want to say. I feel like I can't do it. Looking at him in the eyes and seeing his reaction. I've considered texting him so that I can say exactly what I feel, but I know that's not the right way but I feel like in that case I'd be able to say what I want. UGH. This is so hard. I feel like I have to tell him soon. We are bonding so quickly. I keep telling myself that if he's the right one he'll be understanding...but I'm so scared. This could hurt. I'm seeing him tomorrow, our third date. Any advice? Pointers from those that have had successful disclosures? Please.

Hello @Rheilly19. I'm here for you. I get it. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you want to look at it, the guy did not come around. He became more uncomfortable around me and although we agreed to remain friends, I decided to cut ties. I knew it would be better for me that way. It's true, I felt like I would never date again after facing that rejection, it hurt so bad. But after taking some time to regroup I'm back out there. I feel stronger and more confident. I'm using my previous rejection as a lesson, and I believe I will be better prepared when I disclose next time. I just met a wonderful man, and although we are in the early stages of getting to know each other, I'm hopeful. I'll admit, I have herpes in the back of my mind...but, I'm reminding myself to be kind...kind to me...it's when we accept ourselves...that others respond with acceptance. I keep reminding myself how amazing I am, and how in the big scheme of things, herpes is not who I am. We are worthy of all that we want and it's there for us...you have to believe that. Just take it day by day...you'll find your way through. And I'm here for you if you need to talk, okay? I know people who have never had to go through this give the worst advice LOL That's why you have us :-)

I know, Bird. I'm having the same feelings. I suppose it will get easier. But, I can't help but feel some amount of insecurity and weight when I disclose. Friends tell me all the time that I have to learn to accept it myself, and then I will be accepted. I hear them. It's just very difficult.

Thank you everyone for the support. It's been a tough year coming to terms with my diagnosis. This was my first disclosure, and being rejected really hurt. I suppose part of the problem is that I haven't been able to truly accept this myself. I feel different about myself. @bambina3 - I'm still waiting too. If you need to talk I am here. @elise1977 & @optimist - I do hope he comes around. I think part of the issue is that a lot of people aren't educated about HSV. Maybe he will take this opportunity to talk to people and get some perspective. But, regardless...I'll do my best to move on. @julia_1 He pursued me for 9 months...and I knew how much he liked me. Seeing that change after disclosure is crushing. But you are right...I have to keep moving forward.

Olive Leaf extract and Oil of Oregano. Olive Leaf for immune system, oil of oregano is anti-viral.

Hello Friends. So, I'm dealing with feelings associated with being rejected by someone who I really liked. It was going so well too. We had so much in common, had so much fun together and he really liked me, it was clear. But, seeing his face change when I disclosed...well, it hurt. And feeling him pull away stunk. After asking for his honesty, he told me he couldn't risk it. And of course I understand. Before this happened to me, I'd probably of felt the same way. In fact, I'm sure I would have...and that stings a bit too. It's just so damn discouraging. Friends try to be supportive, but they just don't get it. "He was a jerk" "The next one won't care"...but he wasn't a jerk...he was pretty great...I keep hoping he'll come around. But that can't be healthy either. I'm sad and mad and all kinds of things. And if one more person says, "Aren't there dating sites where you can find people like you?" I'll scream!!!

I appreciate you too :) And believe me, you might think he's moved on with his life and he's happy but the truth is deep down he's not. Generally people that are able to treat others the way our ex's have treated us dislike themselves. He has to live with himself and if it hasn't caught up with him yet it will. I truly believe that. You'll get through this and find someone who values you as a person. You'll find something more worthy of you. He didn't take that away from you.

It will get easier, I promise. I know it's hard. It's not the road I would have chosen for myself, but in this there is an opportunity to overcome and be stronger. I completely understand how you're feeling. I'm still angry. It's a lot to process. The hurtful, cheating ex and now herpes, I felt like because of this diagnosis, I'm stuck. Stuck in the pain of my bad relationship...this reminder, of not only what he did to me...but what I allowed to happen to myself. So painful, does that resonate with you? It's about acceptance, right? You can't change what happened. There is no cure for herpes. But you can live with it. This will not keep you from living the life you want and deserve. Read up on the statistics. It helps to comfort me. With medication (if you are open to it) and small precautions you can have a normal sexual relationship with someone. Your life isn't over because of this. I swear. Lean on people, go through feeling everything you need to feel and give yourself the time to do so. Just know, you will get through this, it will get better. Reach out anytime. Hug.

Hey Monroe, Hang in there. I know it's hard. Seems like we have some similarities with our previous relationship, my ex was pretty hurtful and left me feeling completely devastated...and I felt so stupid for staying for the 8 years that I did. The diagnosis felt like a kick in the gut when I was already pretty far down. So hard. On a positive note, we both got out! And boy, did we learn something. We are worth so much more than what we accepted in the past. And I truly feel like we have the strength now to not let someone treat us like that again. What a blessing in the dark! I, like you, am so grateful for this community of people. I feel that now, I have more tools to push through. Soon, I may test the waters in the dating scene, how terrifying, but I know that no matter what, I have the support of people here. We can get through this. Everything is going to be okay! hugs

Thank you Adrial. So, so much. Your words mean a lot to me. It's nice to be able to hear from someone who truly understands all of the feelings that I've been dealing with. The diagnosis on top of the betrayal has left me feeling so raw and hurt. But you are absolutely right, as terrible as this feels, it's a test that will make me stronger. I'm just going to keep healing, in my own time. Thank you for sharing your story and starting this community which allows people with herpes an outlet to connect and heal. You are amazing. <3

One year ago I ended a relationship after learning my BF of 8 years was cheating. For a few years I was having some issues but never thought about herpes. I was reluctant to believe that my BF was cheating so I denied the need to STD testing. After the breakup I immediately went to the doctor and learned of my HSV-2 diagnoses. I was devastated. Here I am one year later still finding it hard to get my groove back. I started suppressive medication (because without it I'm having an outbreak every 6 weeks) and have read all of the statistics but I'm still not confident someone will accept me. I'm so nervous to date and be rejected. I don't feel like I could take it. This diagnoses has made me feel like I deserve less...I hate to admit it. Is there someone out there that can give me some advice on how to get through this part? How do you handle the rejection?

I found out I have HSV-2 almost a year ago after a devastating breakup in which I learned my BF was living a double life. I can't say that after a year any of it's easier. There are days when I feel like I'm going to move on and start dating...then I worry about facing rejection due to the herpes. I really don't feel like I can handle someone treating me harshly because of this. My friends tell me it's not big deal, and no one cares.But I'm scared...and I feel like I'm worth less than what I was worth before. I'm so sad. I would love to find someone to talk to. I'm a 39 year old female, living in New Jersey.