fix

Katidid: I appreciate all of that info! Very insightful. Question: you said your antivirals have taken your OBs from 5-per-yr to zero? But you've only taken them one month? Or do you mean it's your GOAL to take them from 5-per-yr down to zero? Is your condom usage ONLY because of the H? Or for other reasons as well?

How are you going to find out? And I join everyone else in wishing you the best!

She is convinced she can protect me by just refraining from contact during OBs. That said, she more-or-less invited me to kiss her last night with a cold sore on her lip (it has already ruptured and is healing now, and she claims it is no longer risky to have contact, but I still declined to kiss her, saying I wanted to wait until it was completely gone). I don't think I can push the suppressive therapy too much further, unless I'm up for drama. We had protected sex last night, even though she has no genital lesions. I really really don't want to become infected if I can help it. The annual risk with no suppressives and no condoms is 4%, girl-to-boy. Fingers crossed.

She has oral HSV-1 and genital HSV-2. I asked her to take daily suppressive therapy and she declined, saying she takes acyclovir to help her OBs, but doesn't want medicine in her body all the time. She thinks it hurts the body's natural ability to fight the virus if she has medication in her body at all times. (This is a person into homeopathy, organic foods, etc... the stuff that killed Steve Jobs)

Thank you to both of you! My bloodwork just came back negative for HSV-1 and HSV-2. Of course, this doesn't mean much: 1) Blood tests aren't that accurate, so I could still carry either one 2) Even if these are accurate results, it only means I was negative 6+ months ago. If I was just infected by my new partner, it won't show for another 6.

If my girl has a coldsore on her lip but nothing down south, is genital shedding still increased?

Are there things you can do to reduce outside stress? I think sometimes dwelling too much on health issues can cause more stress, causing more stress, lowering immune system strength, and repeating the vicious cycle. Are you getting enough sleep?

The vast majority of people already have oral HSV-1. Many of those infected have never had an OB (or did when they were a kid and don't remember it). Sadly, some unlucky people get recurrent oral OBs of HSV-1 (oral HSV-2 is rare and tends to not have recurrent OBs). So odds are you already have oral HSV-1, and had it long before your genital HSV-1 infection. Unfortunately, there's no way for you to know if you have oral HSV-1 because testing will only reveal that you have HSV-1 somewhere in your body, which you already know. I would seriously not worry about contracting oral HSV-1. Odds are you already have it and if you don't have oral OBs, I wouldn't think you will ever get them. Sounds like you are taking good care of yourself and like WCSDancer said, you already have antibodies, furthering your resistance.

Met online and texted for about a week. Night before we would have our first date, she told me she had to disclose something about herself... "I carry the herpes virus," was the text. I didn't know how to respond. I already liked her from our interactions, so I wasn't tempted to say "oohkay bye". Instead I awkwardly texted back, "Is that a big deal? I really don't know much about it." "It's horribly embarrassing for me to admit, but I feel it's important to tell you before we meet," she wrote. "I'm really impressed that you told me. It's a testament to your honesty." was all I could think of to say. And, "I'm still really looking forward to Friday." I asked one question, "I'm sorry to be selfish with this question, but... is there a way to make sure I don't get it?" She replied, "I've had it 10 years and never shared it. I take very very good care of myself. That said, there is always a risk, but it's very low." ---- Friday night went better than I hoped. She ended up spending the night (the first sex-on-first-date event of my life and I'm 53). Not sure that was the best move for starting a long-term relationship, but I am fine with it. (Graphic details: the "sex" consisted of oral only, me to her, no barrier.) ---- Five days later, a Weds, she's over again and we have sex both that night and the following morning (no barriers; I'm snipped and she has an IUD, so no pregnancy concerns; only the STD risk is in play). Almost immediately I had the thought, "What the heck am I doing? Am I crazy? I am going to get herpes and it's entirely my fault because she told me!!" I started reading exhaustively on the topic the next day. Learned that I very likely have oral HSV-1 (though I can't ever recall having cold sores in my life) and that I may have asymptomatic genital HSV-2 (since I've had 9 different partners in my life now). I read that my annual risk from my current partner is 4% (female to male, no condom, no suppressive regime, no sex during prodrome or outbreak). I feel like a walking encyclopedia of herpes facts and data. ---- The next day my penis felt like it was on fire. Severe excruciating burning. But no rash, redness, swelling or lesions. Over the next 3 days I tried Aquaphor and Aloe Vera for soothing, but it didn't help. Only a warm bath relieved the pain, but I couldn't spend all day in the bath! Eventually it spread and everything in my underwear was on fire. By Sunday it was unbearable. I had no idea what to do... ...but one thing I didn't do was blame herpes. There was no way I would have symptoms less than 24 hrs after contact, and herpes didn't normally present like this anyway. I figured it was either psychological, due to roughness (she was sore afterward, she told me), BV/yeast (I had problems with another partner in this department recently), razor burn (manscaping ftw), but not herpes. My new female friend texted me that morning, "I woke up with a cold sore on my lip. I won't see you again until this clears up. I feel so so sad to say this. But I can't bear having you see me like this." I told her I didn't care, but she said no way. Not until it's gone. ---- Monday I was in the doctor's office begging for relief from the burning. I told the doc all of the above and she had a look and said, "I have seen a lot of STIs in my day... you don't have any signs." But the burning! She said to try OTC hydrocortizone and that I should do basic STI testing just to be sure. I asked for HSV 1 and 2 tests and she said, "that's a complete waste of time." She proceeded to tell me all the things I already knew (in part because I read it here on herpeslife.com) and when she was done I explained why I wanted the tests: "I am dating someone who carries HSV. I want to know if I already have antibodies for either or both so I know how careful I need to be." She agreed this was sensible, so I had the tests done (yesterday). ------------------ My questions for you all! 1) I want to ask my new love-interest all kinds of questions. Do you know if you have only HSV-1 or HSV-2? How often are your outbreaks? Do get genital outbreaks too, or just oral? Have you tried daily suppressive therapy before? Are you willing to start if I ask you to and you can tolerate the drug? But I feel like it would be RUDE and highly off-putting to ask these questions of someone new in my life. So, what should I do? Not ask? Ask in a different way? Ask only the need-to-know questions? 2) Do you think I should take daily suppressive anti-virals prophylactically? I tried looking for evidence that this might help, but there seems to be nothing. 3) Should I be using a condom? (I historically have a very low chance of orgasm with a condom, but I don't want to be an idiot about it.) I understand that condoms are only partially effective against herpes due to coverage limitations. 4) I am very interested in getting an accurate test for both me and my partner and $400 is affordable to me; should we get western blot test? Or a waste of time and money?