A small update which will hopefully act as inspiration for someone like me in the future...
Had my first disclosure the other day. Bumbled my way through it in not the most articulate manner. But I got the facts across, talked about the minor risk etc. etc. Then the girl actually said she didn't want to hook up for other reasons and not the disclosure itself! (we were old flames and she was just back in town for a week, and thought it would eventually ruin any hope of us staying/becoming good friends in the future - I agreed, to an extent!).
So I felt pretty silly about actually disclosing but we laughed about it a lot and she really respected that I told her. Oddly enough, and maybe because she was talking about others but not herself, she thought given the percentage risk and the fact i'm on valtrex etc. she didn't think I was obliged to disclose it to other girls and didn't have to if i didn't want to, assuming I stayed on the meds and used protection.
Then the next day we decided the friends thing was cool but wouldn't be as good as friends with benefits and have been enjoying ourselves the last week :)
So 1 disclosure 1 success. Happy about that obviously. Some points though that I consider may have been relevant to the success and may, if lacking, lead to a different result.
1. She's a very intelligent, mature and open minded woman in her early 30s. She wasn't going to freak out or run off just from mentioning the H word. Younger/less mature ladies may be more inclined to cut ties as soon as it is brought up. Of course one could argue that intelligence has nothing to do with it. Is it more intelligent to accept someone who has disclosed or reject him, I don't know.
2. We'd known each other a while. So there was already a strong bond between us. So the fact that we were already at a point where she liked me a lot I'm sure would have been a factor she considered. A girl that hadn't had the chance to get to know me/ like me yet (presumptuous I know) so much yet would I imagine be less likely to accept it.
But we'll see what happens....