Daringgreatly

Thanks to both of you :)

I have had HSV1 for 6 years, and it was only in the first year that I went through the emotional rollercoaster. Until now. I disclosed this weekend to the second person ever, and now I'm trying to understand how I feel. My first disclosure talk was such a successful, positive reaction. I was with him for 5 years, and now am getting back into the dating scene, so I haven't had to think about my herpes in a long time. When I told the guy I'm dating, he took a long time to be ready to talk about it with me. I felt like we had a really vulnerable conversation about it and other things, and in the end I felt really great about the conversation and him. He reassured me that he didn't want to end things because of it and wanted some time to do his own research and think about it. Two days later, I tried to make plans with him, and he said he didn't want to get together until he had time to process more and "make a decision". He said he was going to go into the doctor, get tested himself, and learn about the risks, and make a decision based on that. I feel really hurt about being a "decision", like I'm a pro - con list and nothing else. His reaction seems reasonable and responsible, but I feel so hurt that it sounds like he's trying to decide if a relationship with me is "worth" the risk. Logically, I know I'm awesome and completely worthy of love and belonging. It's just so hard to feel like I'm being weighed and measured. I don't know how much time he will need and, even if he decides he's okay with it, I feel so hurt and impacted by this reaction. I'm curious from others - how much time have your partners needed? Do I need to be patient and understanding? For how long? Am I right for feeling so hurt by this? How can I not take this personally? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm just hurting so much emotionally from this.

I'm with you. I can tell you that, even though it's really hard, life is still worth it. I was diagnosed at 23 and now I'm 29. I just disclosed to my second person ever, so I have a really small sample size, but the first person took it so well. The second person has a lot of anxiety about it and it's really affecting him, and he said he needs time, he's going to go get tested and talk to the doctors about the risk before making a decision. I just hate that I have become "a decision". Having a hard time remembering that I know I'm worth it, and that if he doesn't think so, it's his loss. I logically know this but the emotions are real and it still hurts. All I can say is that I had a long relationship where it became such a non-issue. It so hard at the start of the relationships, but you can't be in the middle without the starting point. I literally didn't think about my HSV for a few years, because it didn't matter at all once I was in a trusting relationship. Although that ended, at least I can tell you it exists. It's still so hard. We can get through this together. Hugs!