Disclosing after the fact…

[Misunderstoodlady]

So I was diagnosed with HSV2 last year in July. I got it from someone I had been dealing with off and on for 5 years now. Im now 22 and have only been with 5 people my whole life so I know for a fact I got it from him because I had found his pills and we briefly talked about it in 2020 at that point I believed I was HSV2 negative when I was diagnosed it was a shock but not really but I did not see the point in trying to talk to him about it, I still am conflicted on talking about it with him too this day. I’ve forgiven him in my own way for me and my mental health but don’t see a point in talking to him about it because with him things like that just don’t go well… maybe one day down the road. I’ve had racing thoughts about having to disclose to other people and giving them the option to pick…  I’ve been on valacyclovir since I was diagnosed and early this year was bumped up too 1000mg, I watch for predrome symptoms try my best to use protection even without symptoms and the whole 9 yards so my chances of transmission are very low! but with talking to my mother and sister who have it and friends who don’t but I’ve told believe that disclosure should be for people who are more than just a hook up or one night stand. I believe that everyone should have a choice because I didn’t and the person was careless but also in his own way said he tried to protect me from it. I’m terrified of being rejected or someone putting my business out there.. since being diagnosed I have dodged guys and hookups or whatever else for a long time. The stigma around hsv is crippling and not nice! But fast forward I met someone this year in may. I wanted to do things the right way this time, spend time together without sex and get to know him on a deeper level before disclosing and or being intimate. So all that kinda got thrown out the window after 4 weeks of talking and seeing him. We had been intimate several times after this… I felt horrible because with him I felt like if I were to disclose my status his reaction could go either way but I feel like he’d be more understanding and empathetic I still feel horrible and really like him and do want to tell him but I don’t know how or how to go about it…. Recently in June he got into trouble with the law and has been in jail since.. we talk almost everyday and I really like him and it is mutual on both ends forsure! I am just crippled with fear when it comes to telling him.. even over the phone but since things are up in the air as to when I will see him again I’m a little conflicted about it.. with him I don’t want to keep anything from him and to get it off my chest but also what if I disclose after the fact and we don’t work out and it goes bad. A lot of what if’s and fear is stopping me I feel like but at the same time what do I have to lose? It’s just the disclosing after the fact that is hard for me.. because I went through that and did not mean or want to put anyone through what I went through! he is my only new body after finding out I was HSV2 positive. So this is honestly my first go around at disclosing and I already messed up because it’s after the fact… I don’t want it to change anything with me and him but I’d rather get it off my chest now rather than deal with the stress of not! So, If anyone has positive advice on how to go about this please let me know! Battling with what to do and the stress is not helping me whatsoever!