Too scared for sex

[winter]

Soooo....the only guy I've disclosed to about my hsv2 status is my ex fwb of some years. We are good friends and would spend a lot of time together before he left to another city. I told him as a practice run, i guess? Just wanted to see a guys reaction to my new status. He was really nice and he still talks to me. So, when he was in town for the holidays he mentioned he would still be willing to have sex with me. I thought it was cute that he mentiomed apps being out there that show you how to be careful. I kind of panicked and told him i didn't want to because I'm not on meds every day and didn't want to be the blame for him getting it. So, i kind of scared him away from the thought of having sex with me by telling him how shitty it feels to have prodome symptoms and being uncomfortable and he didn't mention it again. He mentioned when he left that i got an attitude (i guess my guard went up) and it became the reason for us not even hanging out. I kind of felt bad and told him that i cared about him and i didn't mean to be mean. Too late now that he's gone again....I'm barely 4 months into the knowledge of having hsv and I just keep running from every guy that wants to date me to avoid disclosing. It sucks that I might lose the opportunity of being with someone that accepts me but I'm too scared to be the blame for passing it. :( i guess hsv sex is like being a virgin all over again....How am i supposed to know what to do and not to do when idk myself? It sucks. :(

[2Legit2Quit]

Hun, the fear of passing it deep down will always be there. However, you have to come to a place of acceptance w having H, to be able to handle that fear, like you do w the fear of risking to be, vulnerable, hurt and betrayed in w out H. There's always a risk, but it doesn't stop you from trying, just like H shouldn't Focus on you for now and coming to terms w this, so you can stop using H t o push people away.