Fell in love before disclosing

[adampots]

I've been with men and women, yet I don't label myself because gender doesn't matter in my world. It's based on the individuals personality, among other characteristics, that attracts me. Until recently, I've never had to disclose my herpes status with anybody because I used an online dating service that catered to positive singles. While online dating, I found that most of the individuals I came in contact with were simply looking for a hookup: the opposite of what I was searching for.

After relocating to my home town, I was determined to finish my art degree that eluded me ever since starting back in 1999. Being an art student you have the ability to make money while you learn, so I became a member at a local pottery where I met an individual from my high school days. I had eyes for her from the start; however, I kept reminding myself that I didn't need any distractions with so much on my plate. Starting in June 2015, her and I started building a great friendship until we recently begun dating in February. A few weeks prior, I disclosed that I had been in relationships with various genders. Although feeling the disclosure was a bit 'sludgy,' we hugged and enjoyed our first kiss before departing. The following weeks were filled with adventures and a several intimate moments that did not include sex. We both agreed that we would not rush anything. Enjoying getting to know each other more seemed to be paramount: building sexual anticipation was inevitable, but it was also accompanied by anxiety knowing I had to disclose my herpes status. After feeling the 'in love' obsession, I knew that I had to make my move because every time we were getting together, we were on the brink of having sex. Turning her down several times seemed to hurt her.

Monday evening, after an amazing walk with her dogs following a dip in the Colorado River, I tried my hardest to take out all emotions from my herpes disclosure while the Mad Max credits were rolling. Trying to use what I learned watching a few of Adrials videos, the night prior, was pretty difficult because I didn't quite practice as much as I should have. While it was very hard, she immediately jokingly exclaimed how she wished I'd said something during my past sexual disclosure. Then she told me how honest and courageous I was. I asked her if she had any questions, after giving her some statistics that were still clear in my mind. It was apparent that she was distancing herself, but I continued to hold my composure for awhile longer before leaving so we could both have some time to think.

I'm never absent on Tuesdays when she closes at the pottery, although that day I wished I were. I felt so shameful, and defeated. I was wearing it on my sleeve. Everyone was wondering where the real me was. Before I left without saying bye, she asked how I was feeling. I told her I felt sick. She didn't say much to me until later that evening via text.

On Wednesday evening, she told me that she had researched herpes. I noticed some of her statistics were incorrect. Other statistics were dead on, but she approached it with cultural stigma and I couldn't persuade her otherwise. I just asked if she'd research more. With that said, we were still affectionate. On Friday we met in the grocery store, for the first time, and later went to her house preparing dinner and Saturday's lunch. It was a quiet affectionate evening: definitely a different dynamic going on. We are both important to the pottery and I sense that she may be staying with me out of pity. I feel as though she was falling in love as well but after disclosing it all went away. I will continue to give her time and space to see how it further develops.

Finally, I've spoken with a several individuals, mentors if you will, regarding this. To my surprise, each of them have also contracted hsv as well. I respect their privacy and would never say anything, but that goes to show that herpes is so common. During the eve of the next lunar eclipse, March 22, her and I are going to camp out at the lake. If it's still a go, I'll update on the progress. In the meantime, any questions or comments are greatly appreciated. Note: I've taken the last few hours to write this up so apologies for my improper grammar.

[Bambina3]

Good luck with everything, I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and you did the right thing by disclosing....some are not brave enough to do that.

Keep us posted ;)