How do I get back to feeling like myself again?

[Roro7]

Still technically waiting for my test results, but all symptoms point to herpes.

I'm feeling really down. The weeks before my initial outbreak I was feeling literally on top of the world, more confident and capable than ever before. Now I feel torn down.

My boyfriend is really supportive and has been helping me out alot. We think he is asymptomatic/had a minor outbreak he didn't notice. We've been together for four years so he pretty much has it as well.

I'm having a really hard time feeling attractive/sexy. I know he still thinks that but somehow inside when I think of eventually having sex again or wearing anything sexy or pretty I feel.... I dunno like a liar. Like I'm faking it because if anyone found out they would find me gross and wouldn't want me. I know alot of people say that's not true, so logically I know that, but then I still feel that way. Another thing is that I literally just overcame some body issues. I had embraced my body the way it was, and started learning pole dance fitness. I felt so strong and confident even though I'm still a beginner. Now the pole is sitting in the workout room and I feel this sense of worthlessness when I think of trying to dance again. Like I don't belong. I'm also just so tired and worn out from this initial outbreak and everything that went on that I don't even feel strong enough to try, and that's making me really sad.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Roro7

 

Aww honey - I wish I could come over there and give you a (((HUG))).

 

So, first of all, this is somewhat normal. You are allowing yourself to buy into the stigma and the shame that our society puts on STD's... even though pretty much everyone that is at all sexually active will likely get *AT LEAST* one, if nor more, STD's in their life. You can thank our Puritanical Forefathers for that one... :(

 

I'm going to put a link to some Brene Brown TED talks about Shame. One of the things she says about Shame is:

 

If we can quiet it (shame) down and walk in and say "I'm going to do this" we look up and the critic that we see pointing and laughing 99% of the time is who? US! .... Shame drives two big tapes... "Never good enough" ... and if you can talk it out of that one .. "Who do you think you are?"

 

BUT:

 

If you put shame in a petri dish it needs 3 things to grow exponentially - secrecy, silence, and judgement. If you put the same amount of shame into a petri dish and douse it with empathy, it can't survive.

 

So - perhaps you can either journal or talk to someone (us here, or a friend you can trust) about *WHY* you should be feeling shame. What is it, either in your culture, religion, or personal beliefs, that would allow this to set off this trigger that has sent you into such a sad place. Then ask yourself, "Is this true? If this was my friend talking to me, what would I say to them? Would I still love them just as much?" ... Then talk to yourself, as you would a friend. Allow yourself to feel the empathy you would feel for that friend. AND, allow yourself to *accept* that empathy from yourself. That's a good place to start.

 

Our trusty Forum owner, Mr HOpp Adrial, has created a number of Lifestyle Guides to help people through this time.

 

https://herpesopportunity.com/lifestyle-guides.html

 

I think Guide #1, Self Care and Self Image might help you. It shows you how to not only feel better about yourself and your future, but how to shift into a empowered and realistic mindset. Adrial has given me permission to give out codes for the guides to anyone who is struggling with an area that they cover.

 

Use P25 is for 25% off the single guide. Or you can use P50 is for 50% off their entire order. They just put it in on the "coupon code" box in the shopping cart. These guides are genius and designed to help people through the Herpes journey.

 

DO remember - 80% of people have Oral Herpes and at least 16% have Genital Herpes ... in fact, in single women in MY age group (over 50) that number is over 50%. So one other thing you can do: Look at everyone around you this week. Try to guess which ones have which kind of Herpes. Do they look like liars to you? Do they look any less beautiful or smart to you? Try to grasp the reality that odds are most of those people have had or will have a STD at some point in their life. All the women you know who have had Cervical Dysplasia? Most would have been caused by HPV. The CDC says pretty much everyone who is sexually active will get HPV in their lifetime. So really, we are ALL in the same boat. Our society just doesn't talk about it. And as you will see in the Brene Brown video - that silence is what feeds the stigma... :(

 

Shame