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WCSDancer2010

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Everything posted by WCSDancer2010

  1. Hello! Sorry for the delay in replying... life have taken me away from here (and will continue to do so for awhile so my replies will be sporadic) It takes a lot longer than a few weeks for antibodies to build up so I'd ignore this test. If you were going to a GP, STOP. GP's are not (IMO) the people to go to for our private parts. Especially women (unclear if your are a woman or man..LOL). The fact that they gave you meds with no symptoms tells me they have no clue about the HSV virus anyway. Sadly many doctors are woefully misinformed and/or behind the times with the protocols. If you are a woman, go to an OBGYN (if this was an OB, change doctors) in about 4-6 months and get retested. If you are a guy, I'd go to a STD clinic or Planned Parenthood. They have a better chance of being better informed than a GP. Hope that puts your mind to rest... whatever the result, HSV isn't the end of the world.... it just means that you need to get smarter and more informed about safe sexual practices.... and it can even help you weed out people who wouldn't be good for you in the end. (((HUGS)))
  2. Thank you so much for the information. I think the doctor was very disappointed with her and in return didn't test for the type. If the Dr was "disappointed" in your daughter I'm glad you are looking for another Dr. Please get her to an OBGYN or Planned Parenthood. She needs someone who is up to date on the latest info and who realizes that H is an incredibly common STD and that it doesn't mean you are "less worthy" if you get it. It just means you lost the crap shoot of having sex .... and it's not her Dr's place to pass judgement. I assume the Dr was a PCP/Family Dr? If so, they can be the worst as they really are not well informed about H (they are "generalists" so they can't read everything that comes across their desk). I tell people, if you have a specialty item, you go to the specialist that deals with that item (ie: you go to the Mercedes dealer to have your Benz serviced, or the Appliance guy to get your washer fixed)..... so IMO you should always go to the person who is best informed about whatever part of your body happens to have an issue.... and I feel pretty strongly that GP's shouldn't EVER do OBGYN or Mental Health diagnosis... both areas have come so far in their knowledge base that I think that there's just no way for them to ever be thoroughly informed on the subjects. But that's just my opinion... LOL I got H1 oral as a child and H2 genital with my very first sexual experience.... tho I didn't know until years later what that persistent yeast-type infection was....and at 55+ I've had a great life. Tell her that at least she knows she has it.... because 80% don't know they have it and are more likely to pass it on because of that... It will be ok Mom.... I know you are worried for her.... just be careful to encourage her to understand that she's still the beautiful soul she always has been. Your acceptance of the situation will have a HUGE impact on her in the long run :) (((HUGS))) http://m.jid.oxfordjournals.org/content/194/1/42.long Knowledge of Partners’ Genital Herpes Protects against Herpes Simplex Virus Type 2 Acquisition
  3. So glad that our previous threads and discussions helped you to get to a place of relative peace so quickly! I haven't been on much in the last 6 or so months because of some family/life stuff but I try to peek in at times, and it makes me happy when I see that my comments are still helping people. You may or may not get 5-6 OB's a year. Herpes is a fickle thing. That's one of the most frustrating things about it... you just can't tell how YOUR body will deal with it. And yes, you will survive, thrive, and find love .... as a 35+ yr carrier who basically has had it my whole sexual life (AND H1 since childhood) I have had a pretty average love life. Sure, some have walked away when I disclosed. But I realized they were more interested in getting INTO me than getting into ME. As I'm not looking for a fuck buddy, and I want a real relationship, their reaction saved me from a much worse hurt down the road if I got involved and fell in love with them. So in a way, I'm thankful... I've got one hell of a Wingman who helps me quickly weed out the men who may be nice guys, but who are not a good fit for what I want. :) (((HUGS)))
  4. Yes, but you will have to CHOOSE to come out of the darkness at some point. As I said elsewhere, right now, it's normal and even "healthy" to go through this part. Odds are H is bringing up insecurities and unprocessed negative experiences and beliefs from your past. So try to be patient with this part of the process. But honey, life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what YOU make of it. So you can choose to believe that this is the end of the world for you, or you can choose to use it as a growth experience where you explore the feelings this is bringing up and then work to find ways to bring peace to those emotions. You can choose to let the stigma run your life, or you can choose to see H as a nuisance skin condition. You can avoid dating for fear of rejection, or let H be your Wingman who will show you who your REAL friends and loved ones are. It's really that simple - even though it doesn't seem that way right now...
  5. So - if you are finding that your anxiety levels are fluctuating around the proposition of acquiring H, why don't you find other ways to get yer freak on? That could help you to continue to grow the relationship until you know, without a doubt, that you are at peace with the situation. And it will create one heck of a great foundation for you to fall back on if you ever have kids and need to keep things spiced up. LOL :)
  6. The longer you wait the harder it will be to tell... at this point if his results are below .9 he's either negative or hasn't built the antibodies and if he's not a lot over odds are he just got it. No use getting the IgM as it's notoriously unreliable... but the IgG would give you some clarity. And if he's a higher number like you are, well, then he can't blame you either as neither would know who gave it to who... tho as I said elsewhere, given your time frame between sex and OB, odds are HE gave it to you ...
  7. There are no cures for herpes. Perhaps there are some studies and **potential** cures, but nothing out there on the market. Anyone who says they can cure herpes are selling snake oil. It's possible they have ingredients that help to suppress the virus so people stop having ob's and believe they are cured, but they could still be shedding.... and odds are you can get the same ingredients for a lot less from your local health food store.
  8. @Triumph Hello, Welcome, and Sooo glad you found us! I'm a 35+ yr veteran of HSV2 and I've had HSV1 oral since I was about 2 or 3. To my knowledge the only person that I gave H2 to was my ex hubby, when I didn't know that I had it ( I like many didn't know my "yeast infections" and what I thought was rubs from sex were outbreaks). I had several sexual partners before him (got H from my first sexual experience.... *sigh*) who I don't believe got it (no one ever came back to me about it) and I've had several since, including two 3 yr relationships... no condoms ... and I used suppressive therapy with the last one per his request (but not the other, per his request) and neither got it from me. @ihaveittoo is another long time veteran who can hopefully chime in here too. As you have learned, most women in our age bracket (I'm in my 50's) have genital HSV so odds are you have been unwittingly exposed already. As we get older we women tend to have fewer OB's once we hit menopause (periods seem to be a big trigger for some) so I think that helps us to reduce how much we pass it on too. One last thought.... for me, an OB is the perfect time to find other ways to be intimate and get my freak on. So rather than seeing it as a "bad" thing, use those times to learn other ways to play and explore and learn about each other's bodies... :)
  9. @Mar1212 Hello! Well, sorry this didn't get answered and I expect that you have had your baby by now ... but I would have told you that at this point you just plain have to let the professionals help you figure out what the best route is when you go into labor ... yes they should look at the cervix for any lesions and if there's anything suspicious then a C-section is in order. It's a shame as most Dr's put carriers on Acyclovir for the last month to keep this from happening. In the future make sure that the Dr gets you on them for the last month... AND know that you can have a V-Bac and have a natural birth after c-section (I know, because I did it) for future babies...
  10. @Parsley Hey there! Just a FYI - I have a client who was married 30+ yrs before she had her first OB ... brought on by the stress of the Christmas holidays... it's so hard to know exactly *which* stress will bring on an OB in a long time asymptomatic carrier.... but as a Massage Therapist I would say that the stress of the betrayal of your husband cheating on you is one hell of a huge stressor that will be draining your body's immune system more than just about anything out there. So it's very possible that even with all the other stressors you mentioned, that you could have had it all along and only just now had your first symptoms. AND ... you may never know who gave it to who if your hubby comes up positive... the only thing you will know is that if you have a value over 1.5ish then odds are you had it over 4 months. It takes about that amount of time to get into the range where you are considered positive and even then, if a person is under a 3.5 value with no symptoms, it could be a false positive. Most Dr's are actually poorly informed about how to interpret the test results but your value of 12 doesn't tell us anything except that you have had it over 4 months. Which test did your Dr give you BTW? And do you have your results for the HSV1 and 2 separately? As in, was the 12 value for HSV2? Anyway, get back to us with your hubby's test results and we can help you to gain some clarity. And BTW, odds are the other woman *believes* she's been tested. Most Dr's won't test for HSV unless you *specifically* ask for it. So it's quite possible she honestly believes she's been tested.
  11. @Sassyhart First - hello and welcome! Glad you found us! So - right now the only one here judging you is yourself... and that's pretty normal at this stage of your diagnosis because our society doesn't educate us well about the facts when it comes to sex, STD's and HSV in particular. Quick note about me: I got HSV1 oral as a child (60% of young children get it from other kids in childhood... I was maybe 2 or so when I first got it). I got HSV2 on my FIRST sexual experience at about 17. Talk about shitty odds, eh? I'm ...well... lets just say I'm well past 50 now, and so I've lived my whole sexual life with BOTH kinds of HSV. You are concerned about passing this in and that's the responsible way to be... but the truth of the matter is that those of us who KNOW we are carriers are actually less likely to pass it on than the asymptomatic carriers (like your Joe). 80% of carriers are asymptomatic ... so odds are pretty much anyone that is at all sexually active has/will be exposed to a carrier or carriers in their life. And sometimes we just plain lose the crap shoot. 80% of people have one kind of herpes or other. Given you can pass oral HSV1 to the genitals through oral sex, the majority of us are in the Herpes boat.... the problem is *most* carriers don't know they have H. And thanks to really abysmal sex ed and pretty much no education from our Dr's and health care system, that ignorance isn't going away any time soon. My point is, if you think you are dirty and a whore, odds are most people around you are dirty whores as well... most just don't know it... lol. Right now, you need to give yourself time to adapt to your new "reality" and you need to get educated about the truth concerning Herpes. You need to talk to people who are further along in their journeys. And I suggest strongly that you read the "Success Stories" ...because it doesn't necessarily have to be over between you and "Fred".... there are many, MANY couples where one is H+ and the other is H- . There are suppressive medications that you can take and we just learn what our prodromes, (pre-outbreak warning symptoms) are.... and the kinda "positive" thing is that an outbreak gives us the perfect excuse to learn other ways to get our freak on with our partners. I suggest that you start with the links below so you can get some accurate info and hopefully some clarity about the reality of Herpes so that you can start to let go of your self-judgement and shame. And be patient with the process.... you just got shocking news and it takes awhile to become educated and adjust to the small changes we have to make in our lives to accommodate this virus. The wonderful thing is that you are here among friends and people who will walk with you through this. (((HUGS))) http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video
  12. So the question was whether this stuff would cause the OB? I'm guessing no. BUT, given that it's relatively new, who knows. You would need to find a total breakdown of the chemicals and see if it has a high amount of Argenine in it. I just did a quick google and can't get that info BUT also be careful that the one you bought isn't cut with other stuff like HCA... which is a way that some of these places will make it cheaper ( the stuff that is by the best companies won't be cut with anything other than possibly Potassium to help absorption) The "good stuff" will probably cost you close to $40-50/bottle. If you are using one of the cheaper ones, then there are more things you need ot research to see if there would be something like Argenine in it that *might* cause an OB.... @wcsdancer2010 Have you been able to find any info on this? I'm a week into the first OB and have been taking this along with green tea and organic apple cider vinegar with mother for a few weeks now. It's crossed my mind on possible causes of an OB since it's something new I've been doing. Sorry, no. But it's not been something that is high on my personal priority list.... If this is your first OB, then it's because you likely just got the virus. Which means you just have to ride it out... do the things we have listed to help to knock it down (links below. I suggest you keep a journal of what you are eating, activities, stressors, etc ... see if you can see a pattern for what makes it worse. I often say that Herpes is like a "first responder" to the health of your body ... although in the first few months, it's often just that your body needs time to figure out how to get it under control. Second - attack it from the outside ... I'm going to put a bunch of links but generally Epsom Salts baths (drop a double handful of the salts between your legs so its concentrated there), followed by thorough drying (even using a hair drier to get it really dry), maybe going commando, and using Bactine (which helps to kill the virus AND numb it thanks to the lidocaine in it) ... or my favorite, Ammonium Alum ... but there's LOTS of suggestions in the links. I find if you attack it from the outside, the inside can do it's job better :) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/6024/dealing-with-outbreaks#latest includes links below http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7595/bactine-wipes-and-some-motivational-quotes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV
  13. @whoknew Hello and Welcome! The thing is there's no "right" time to disclose (as long as it's before sex) and we all do it at different times and different ways. I've also disclosed early (even had it on my dating profiles when I was active) and like you, had men contact me BECAUSE OF my honesty, even if they weren't sure what having H meant. Some wait till there's a real solid connection hoping it will keep the person from walking. Personally I think if they are going to walk, they will do it no matter when you tell them. When someone disappears that early, odds are that's just their game. If they don't have the GUTS to step up and explain why they are not continuing with you, you are ahead of the game if they disappear. Don't need anyone in the "no balls club" IMO. LOL. Sounds like you are still working out what works for you. Just remember that if someone chooses to not be with you, it's not a reflection on YOU or H. It's just that they have their needs, desires, and priorities and there are sooooo many things that can halt a budding relationship.... H is just one of many, many "deal breakers". These may help if you come across someone who needs a little eduction 🙂 http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video
  14. Best thing when you have peeing problems is cool water over the area when you are peeing or even better, get into a bathtub of water or the shower and run water over the area... it keeps the urine from sitting on the area and keeps the bacteria down. Right after, pat the area down, spray with Bactine (it's the same thing that's in Oragel Single Dose, and a LOT less expensive) then pat the area dry,, followed by drying the area with a blow drier if possible. Do everything you can to keep the area cool and dry (go commando if you can ... skirts are your friend ladies!) ... that helps dry the H and keeps bacterial complications at bay :) Oh , and Epsom Salts baths are great for drying things out too :) http://supporttruthanddialog.com/easy-simple-self-help-tips-for-relief-from-herpes-outbreaks/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1496/bathroom-time- http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/4810/bactine-for-oral-and-even-genital-herpes https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/7595/bactine-wipes-and-some-motivational-quotes http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/#more-2122 http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1802/going-the-natural-route http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1624/herpes-medication-genital-hsv-1-how-to-keep-herpes-outbreaks-clean-dry#Item_22 My discussion amonium Alum) http://herpeslife.com/herpes-treatment/ http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/ http://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment/2010/genital-ulcers.htm#hsv Links to some of the items suggested in the links http://amzn.to/1CHUzZE Link to Alum http://tinyurl.com/Aloecream http://amzn.to/1F10r3V Fractionated Coconut Oil http://bit.ly/zincsoap Zinc Soap with coconut oil http://bit.ly/Zinccream http://bit.ly/Calendula_Salve http://tinyurl.com/bactine http://amzn.to/1oUDY2n Chaga Mushroom http://tinyurl.com/Oragelsgldose http://tinyurl.com/DMSO4HSV
  15. That's what we are here for! Spreading GOOD, RELIABLE information and support. So I'm going to give you some links below to give him. On top of that, you may want to suggest that he come on here and ask people who live with it what the facts are. If he's too shy or thinks we are "biased", Westover Heights has a great booklet too... I'll add the infor below. They are a clinic and he can even call and talk to a Dr there for a small fee. Hope this helps! http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Herpes facts video http://depts.washington.edu/herpes/faq.php#faqCat-3 Westover Heights Clinic,http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678 ... It costs $5/minute for a consult … cheap IMO for clarity and/or peace of mind.
  16. I don't think it's about people think you whored around - I think people just don't want to get infected. True, a lot of people have their head in the sand and assume it will never happen to them. But if you are one of the unlucky ones that lost the lottery, you just have to accept that you are going to find people you are very attracted to you blowing you off, like I did and it's awful. While there are people in the world naive enough to say "sure, I'll still have sex with you", it really isn't fair to take advantage of that, imo. Sure - someone may "blow you off" once they find out you have H. I've walked away from men who hid that they have kids (I'm in my 50's and out of that phase, and made it clear on my profile) because they *hoped* I'd be ok with it anyway. No offense but at this point of my life I'll take H over kids... I can control it better and it doesn't stop me from doing anything...LOL Point being.... there are DOZENS of reasons someone might "blow you off" as they get to know you... medical issues (I hear this all the time... people who tell a potential partner they have some condition and the person chooses to end it there), Financial issues (living with Mom because they lost their job, past bankruptcies, etc), psycho family members, lol. Herpes is just ONE of many, many potential deal breakers. Rather than seeing it as awful, how's about looking at what things have made YOU walk away from a potential partner... be HONEST with yourself. I'll bet there's been something *far* less life altering that you just decided you couldn't live with... and it's ok. We are all entitled to choose what we will bring into our lives. Saying someone is "naive" if they say they will have sex with you is soooo off base. Again, IF you do your part right (make sure they are informed with FACTS), then they are making an informed choice... and that is not naive. And that is not taking advantage of them. If they are an ADULT you have to trust them to make ADULT decisions. Now, if you *choose* to not date because you feel you don't want to risk it, that's ok. But please don't infer that others are "taking advantage" of people if they date a H- person as long as they disclose and inform. If *everyone* with H didn't date H- people, you'd actually be in the majority. *Most* people already have at least 1. They just don't know it....
  17. I used to think that other people loving him took something away from me I wanted to be the only one and I resented all his memories Years ago on a trip to Hawaii we met a naked man who sold jewelry from the back of his pickup truck I bought two pieces but one was too big so he invited us back to his home so his wife could fix it While we waited they served us raw bread made of seeds, green tea and fresh herbs and the man took out a photo album “Can I show you my loves?” he asked, to which we agreed readily He opened the book and began to turn the pages It was filled with pictures of beautiful women of all colors, shapes and sizes And he began to speak... "This is Tanya, Oh Tanya, she always knew how to stop time, when I was with her I knew everything was always okay Sara, now Sara was amazing, a dancer, the way she moved her body, took my breath away Laura, she stole my heart, I never met a girl so smart and kind, we would laugh together for hours on end" He kept going page after page after page after page story after story The smile on his face was of a man in ecstasy But I felt incredibly uncomfortable His wife was there and he was sharing about women from before? From everything I had ever learned this was a no no a big no no Aren't we supposed to act like the person we are with is the only one ever? But I watched his wife's face and she was lit up and smiling seeing him in so much bliss So I began to ask questions... They had been together 11 years now living in this remote part of Hawaii with very little outside contact They spent their days making art and love and seemed happier than most anyone I had ever met After an hour, I garnered up the courage to ask her... How do you feel about him being with all these women and sharing their pictures? She laughed without hesitation and smiled at me knowingly, “Well, he loves women,” she said, “so I am glad he has had so many” I got misty eyed realizing, this is not how I would feel this is not how I did feel The part about saying goodbye to a relationship that grasps often at my heart is my fear of being forgotten And that fear is bigger with those who have been with many because then I am just literally one of many more easily forgotten in the crowd of love the odds are definitively against me or so I imagine I have always struggled socially and with intimacy so the people who are close, really close are few and far between So, many of the men I’ve been with or been close to have had many more relationships than me and definitely many more lovers So I’ve always felt easily replaceable easily forgotten At this point in my life I had kissed as many men as I have fingers and here he was showing me a book of women he had loved, I didn’t even know that many people So I asked her... “Have you had as many boyfriends?” to which she said, “Oh no, not at all” She explained, I grew up in Sweden and didn't really understand my sexuality until I was in my late 30s I was afraid of men and avoided intimacy “Till I met him,” she said pointing at the man still looking at his pictures happily “Oh,” I said amazed at her strength I would just be so incredibly insecure I thought to myself I would never be with someone who had dated so many She put her hand on my shoulder and as if she could hear what I was thinking and said, "There will only ever be one me and one you We don’t have to worry about competing we have already won everything, you are you, uniquely you” Tears filled my eyes and I asked to use the bathroom I remember looking in the mirror carefully wiping the tears from the corners so as not to ruin my mascara and thinking to myself... it's true I cannot argue there is only ever one of anyone but what if I am not a good enough one... We left and that night we drank tequila, and told stories I asked my boyfriend at the time to tell me about the love before me At first it was hard I felt my stomach in my throat and my heart was pumping rapidly But soon we were both smiling and yes, sometimes crying It was so incredibly healing to hear about what helped shape the man I was so in love with that day Envy can poison everything We are taught to compare and compete endlessly We are taught that love is limited and someone having something takes it away from you It keeps us trying to control the uncontrollable It keeps us focused on small and insignificant things that drain our life energy And it keeps us separate and disconnected even when in relationship We keep secrets for fear of punishment or scarier yet for fear of being seen But I see a different possibility and it’s one I’ve been fortunate enough to live Where we let go of what we have been told and design relationships that reflect our values Where we own our humanity and yes, how scary jealousy can feel Relationships where we choose to share what's true Because being true is more important than keeping you, or you or you Because when you aren’t being true you might lose the very most important thing you Emily Rosen
  18. @Lunali Hello and Welcome! First - do remember you are newly diagnosed and still learning about the virus so of course it sounds scary and you are buying into the stigma that you likely believed (or that you think your friends may believe). So for now try to take it day by day and allow yourself to become better educated and familiar with your new little hitchhiker. As for the BF ... I think you know what to do no matter what happens with J. If you are not happy, you are not happy. Just because you have H is no reason to settle. There are billions of people who have *something* that might be seen as a "deal breaker" for many people, but that, for the right person (as in , the REALLY right person!) is so insignificant that they just don't see it or worry about it. I'm going to post a video below about Nick Vujicic ... who was born with no arms and no legs... who is an amazing person and motivational speaker ... and who got married a few years ago to one hell of a hot, beautiful (inside and out) woman who is now pregnant I believe with their 2nd child. He could have used the *reason* that with no arms and no legs noone would love him, and he couldn't live a life like everyone else. He didn't. And IMO if HE can overcome what life threw him, so can I. So please, if you are not in love, let him know and do what you need to do because right now you are robbing BOTH of you from finding TRUE love. As for J. First, I'd *personally* suggest that you take time off alone. Get to understand what you are dealing with first. Get to love YOU again. You just lost the Russian Roulette of Sex (I got it on my FIRST sexual encounter about 40 yrs ago BTW... and HSV1 oral when I was 4. So suffice it to say I don't bet because I'm not good with odds!) Just tell him you are dealing with some personal issues that you can't discuss right now and ask him to give you a little while to find your bearings. One thing you will find with H. It helps you to pick better partners. Your instincts about the current BF may be right as far as whether he knows he has it or not.. It's hard to know for sure. Many just don't want to know either way and find that ignorance is bliss. We see that all the time too. But now you are dealing with someone who says up front that lots of things "terrify" him. One thing you will find is that when you LISTEN to people they will tell you a lot about themselves with what they say. If he's anxiety prone you need to pay attention to that and determine if this is something that may affect the pair of you later. (HSV notwithstanding). And *personally* I believe if someone is willing to try to foster a relationship with someone who is IN a relationship, is that something they may do again in the future? As Dr Phill says, past behavior is indicative of future behavior. These are all things you can now observe about him as you take a break and get to learn to love YOU first and foremost. One thing that may help you a lot will be to read all the Success Stories that you can. See how others have gone through the process of being where you are (newly diagnosed and convinced that noone will want to be with you...or at least willing to settle with *anyone* who will) and truly understanding that H is just one of many things that we come across in the dating world that will be deal breakers for *some*, but not everyone, you come across and if the person walks away after disclosure then either they were not as "into you" as they acted (ie, they may have been more interested in getting "into" you) or they just made a choice that is not in your control... but it's NOT about you! (Many who walk away have NO idea that they likely have been/will be exposed to H at least once if not many times in their sexual life ... especially with so many people having oral H and such high rates of oral sex in this country). The stats show that those of us (the 20%) who KNOW we have H are much less likely to pass it on than those who are blissfully ignorant of their status. So while the diagnosis may *seem* to suck, be thankful that you know. These links may help you... and check out the Success stories... 🙂 http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ (This one is good for showing prospective partners to give them the reality of the risks of having sex in general) Handouts + disclosure e-book: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ Herpes facts video Herpes as a relationship filter Adrial https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3QezBvN1BE
  19. @ roxoo8820 I have to agree that it isn't serious... ***for me***. But the thing is, everyone processes things differently and we have to accept each person where they are at. For some, religious beliefs will add to their struggles accepting the diagnosis. For some, there's the emotional reaction to it. For some, their experience with outbreaks causes anxiety while others NOT having an OB can cause stress that you and I might see as "silly", yet it's real and understandable in it's own way. So yes, H isn't serious (for most - a small percentage DO have difficult/ongoing/painful OB's)... for ***US***. But please be careful to not negate the struggles of those who can't see that POV or who just are not there yet. We all bring different things to the diagnosis and we all process it differently, and none of it is wrong. It's just what makes us all individuals! (((HUGS)))
  20. Thanks for the link - I'll check it out after the weekend... I have a project that is taking most of my time till Sunday but it sounds like something that we can use here. As for the Asthma... check out http://buteyko.com/method/index_method.html - I know a practitioner who has amazing results with his clients ... they have a list of practitioners under the practitioner training section.
  21. @m8kingArt Hello! I've tried it all. Waiting awhile to tell. Having it on my profile. Everything in between. I personally am ok having mine up front because as an advocate I know that whoever is with me will need to be ok with my status and how I live with it (openly). What I found was that the men who did want to meet me said (even when they were uneducated/unsure) that they wanted to meet me because they appreciated my honesty and integrity and that it was rare to find on the dating sites. So it felt like I was reaching a "better quality" of guy ... only actually dated a few as many times we realized that there were other incompatible issues) I actually gave H to my ex (because in the 80's we were given a lot of bad advice and I was mis-diagnosed as having an ongoing yeast infection for years until after we were married and he got it). We stayed married 20 yrs and are still friends. I've since dated 2 guys for 3 yrs each. One learned of my status very early on and didn't care. The other found out a little later... we had had sex once with a condom (at the time I was told to not worry if I didn't have an OB) ... he freaked for a few weeks, got educated, and then chose to be with me. None of the relationships ended because of H. So to be honest, I just see H as one of many things that can make a relationship challenging, but not impossible by any means, and that disclosure is a very personal thing and there isn't any "right' way to do it. I suggest you read as many Success Stories as you can because you will see that they come about in many different ways, just like "normal" relationships. And you just never know, going in, where each one will go. The thing to get is that H is just one of a ton of things that can de-rail a relationship... and if it does, it's not personal. And you can use it as an excuse to create self-fulfilling prophesies (that you are unlovable) if you are not careful. I see people do it all the time. They are so scared to allow themselves to be vulnerable and take that leap to risk rejection... yet "rejection" is part of life. And as you've seen above we can always learn from the failed relationships. I'm thankful for everyone who has been in my life ... even the painful endings. Each one has helped me to become who I am... and as I get older, I get stronger. A tree that grows in a vacuum is weak and will fall over in the slightest breeze. Trees that grow in windy areas are immensely strong and resilient. So it goes with life. H is just a storm that comes into our life and that can occasionally test us, but it only stops us from living life *IF* we allow it. :)
  22. @Dave Terri works in the biggest H clinic in the country... get the info from their website on her. She's one of the best known experts in the country. U of W Western Blot http://depts.washington.edu/herpes/faq.php#faqCat-3 Westover Heights Clinic,http://westoverheights.com/ (503) 226-6678
  23. @Sunshine1110 Hello and Welcome friend! Rape has a way of shaking your confidence to the core, and making you self sabotage relationships. Having H on top of that adds a whole nuther layer of things to work through. So I hope you are getting support/therapy. If not, I request that you get help because you have a whole lot on your plate and no matter how wonderful this man is, *he* can't be expected to know how to handle this with you, no matter how much he loves you. So let him be your lover and friend, and find a professional to help you with the emotional stuff, ok? If your "friend" rejected you, then they are not a friend. Friends love you unconditionally and stand with you through thick and thin. Friends don't judge. Sure, they may think you are crazy as a fruitcake sometimes or they may not like your choices in clothes or men, but they will always be there for you when you need them. Be thankful that Herpes showed you their true colors. As for your BF - what makes you think he will leave? Sure, odds are he may be confused about what this means for him (were you raped before or after you met him?). Even bigger odds are he just doesn't know HOW to support you. He likely hates to see you hurting and upset, but he won't know how to "make it better". And really, he can't. Only time, and a lot of personal work, can . So, again. Let him be your lover and friend. Don't ask for or expect more, and try to understand he's doing the best he can in a situation that no education prepares us for. And live each day with him at 100%. And *if* he leaves, it's not about YOU ... it's because he needs to take care of himself and he's not in a place to be able to deal with things he can't really understand. He's not a bad guy... but he's not the *right* guy either. But for now, he's with you, he's standing by you, and you have to trust that he isn't going anywhere. To do anything less is to set yourself up for him to leave because you will set up a self-fulfilling prophecy through your actions. So just love him and let him love you. And work on loving YOU too. :)
  24. Honey, I'm not giving you flack. I'm just giving you my opinion AND 40+years experience with H. I kinda might know a *little* about living in the world with H. :) Yes, there is stigma. There's also stigma with many things: Obesity, Bankruptcy, the crazy Mother-in-law, skin color, religion, etc. I personally won't date a man with young kids... it's not a "stigma" but it's certainly a "deal breaker" for me. And H will be a "deal breaker" for some. But NOT all! I'm also very cautious about a man who doesn't have a secure financial base. Not rich... but I want a man who can carry his own financial weight because *I* can't support 2 people on what I earn. So someone who has been through bankruptcy would have to show me they had sorted that part of their life out... and for some, THAT would be a total deal breaker. I have coached people with illnesses like auto immune disorders or mental illness (depression/bipolar/etc) that ended up being the thing that caused more strife in their relationship than their H diagnosis. Point being, there's a lot of things that people can find that are deal breakers/negative/stigmatized. H is just one more on that long-assed list. And I repeat: you seem to think *all* people assume you were promiscuous if you get H and I can tell you from personal experience.... its just plain not true. And if you *are* surrounded by people who are ugly or ignorant, maybe this is a good time to look for new friends? Just a thought. I know I have let go of plenty of people over the years who have shown me their intolerance and judgement ... Those 1000 people on FB - most are my "dance friends". I'm a Swing Dancer so I meet a lot of people at dances and we "friend" each other to keep contact about dance stuff. So odds are there are intolerant people in that group. In fact, the recent political crap has shown me MANY who are intolerant (on both sides of the political spectrum). Yet those people, who see my occasional STD postings where I put out info to educate them, still dance with me, talk with me, and treat me EXACTLY like they did before. Again, I'm trying to help you here. I've seen and been through a lot with H but *most* of it was self inflicted. And if someone WAS ugly towards me? Well, I'd just thank them for letting me know up front that they are an asshat and walk away and not allow them into my life. There are billions of people on the planet. Why do I need asshats in my circle of friends? And the rest? Who cares what they *think*. I have learned to be ok being me, H and all. I've had several H- BF's. I know *from experience* that there are many, many amazing people out there who love me no matter what. And I *hope* that in time, when you are not hurting and dealing with the newness of the diagnosis, that you will come to the same place I am in now. An no need to be "sorry" - my feelings are not hurt by your words ... I get it. You are pissed off and scared and confused and it SUCKS right now. My sincere hope is you will manage to work through this (most do!) and come to a place of peace. Just give yourself time. Time heals all wounds.... even Herpes :)
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