Dealing w/ first outbreak and loss of sexual freedom

[johnyvb]

Hello everyone.

I haven't been actually diagnosed with a blood test (doctor said it wasn't necessary, although I've asked another doctor for the test so I can 1) discover if it's a recent infection 2) what type it is)

 

I've been dealing with my first outbreak for over a week now. My lesion is above my upper lip. It burns a lot and it's taking a long time to heal, because it never dries properly. (I'm sorry if I'm not expressing myself well, but English is not my first language.)

 

I've been applying acyclovir on the wound for 4 days now, after starting it a week after the first symptom, and although some tiny outbreaks around the main wound have responded really really well to the cream, the main wound is not. It's just really red and swollen and it's forming yellow crusts that keep on breaking everyday. I don't even know if I shoul apply the cream on the main wound because it seems to be doing nothing.

 

Also, I'm being really harsh on myself from getting this. I feel stupid for not knowing that I could be infected from someone who showed no visible symptoms. I feel like I'll never have a clear mind again, like I'll always be afraid of kissing someone, even if only on the cheek. And sexually? I feel like I've lost my sexual freedom and that every single thing I'll do now will have to be premeditaded, as to not infect other person.

 

Since it's my first time with this I'm also worried that I'll be one of those cases that keep getting a lot of reoccurrences, and a lot of assymtomatic shedding.

 

Basically I'm having a hard time with this, everyone around me seems tothink that it's not a big deal, but I don't think they are aware of the consequences of living with this.

 

Also wondering everyday whether I should "confront" the person who, I think, gave it to me. Since he decided to ghost me a couple of days after we went out on a date.. Should I care enough to inform him, making him feel guilt (if he actually has that in him) or assume he knows and move on with my life?

 

Just getting this stuff off my chest.. Thank you

 

 

[hippyherpy]

9/10 people have what you have so don't worry about it too much.

[johnyvb]

@hippyherpy I hear that from everyone around me. The thing that frightens me the most is the thought of giving this to someone

[hippyherpy]

A lot of people already have it they just don't know yet, and they are fine. Herpes is really not such a big deal.. otherwise doctors would take it more seriously and it there would be pink and red ribbons for it like cancer and HIV. Can you imagine a herpes ribbon? That's laughable. A cold sore ribbon?

 

Don't let the stigma take over your mind. Herpes is so not a big deal that doctors recommend against testing for it now.