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outbreak lasting 4 weeks+, feeling gloomy

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I actually got diagnosed with herpes via a blood test before this first outbreak started. And I feel like I was getting there in terms of moving past the stigma, processing the implications of all this in terms of disclosing to partners, etc.


But now I've had this continual first outbreak and it's been 4 weeks in spite of taking Valtrex. The outbreak itself is not terrible pain-wise, which I suppose I should be thankful for. But my doctor said it's not normal for it to last this long on Valtrex, so she referred me to a different doctor which I'm seeing next week. I'm just picturing a very bleak reality right now in which I'm resistant to all medications and having long and constant outbreaks that are easily triggered by stress and sex. Disclosing that I have herpes was always going to be a challenge, but how can I honestly ask someone to become involved with me when I have this much uncertainty about how often/easily the symptoms are going to occur, and whether the antivirals are even working for me? How can I tell them that it's not a big deal for most people if, even stigma aside, it *is* a big deal for me - in terms of the actual medical affects? And what if I can never even have sex again *without* having an outbreak? I know the answers to these questions should become more clear over time, but at the moment I'm having trouble breaking out of anxieties over worst case scenarios.


It also really annoys me when people say that herpes is a good barometer for stress level and an excuse to take better care of myself mentally and physically, as I haven't spent my entire life trying to do that. I'm bipolar and have always, prior to herpes, suffered from chronic depression and high levels of anxiety and tried everything I can to mitigate that, to little avail. Now I have the added anxiety that my dick is gonna be constantly breaking out too. I'm just having trouble finding the will to even be hopeful that this gets better in the future. I just keep refreshing the Google News results for "herpes vaccine" and just hoping upon hope that some of the vaccines in Phase II trials eventually get to market, because right now it feels like that's the only escape.

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Hey Dani,


Ahh man, I really feel for you - It's annoying the doctor said "it's not normal" for the first outbreak to last 4 weeks. Mine totally did too, then a week later I got another one (obviously not as bad - but still).


I think everyone is different and medication effects everyone differently. Are you from US? I'm British and I know that in UK we are only given the pills after the first 6 months, reguardless of how many outbreaks you have in those first 6 months. And even then, they only give them out if you have really bad/frequent outbreaks.


I am kind of in the same boat as you as I have had at least 1 or 2 outbreaks every month since my first one.


I just wanted to message because you literally sound exactly like me. I completely undertsand how you feel and I honestly do not know how I will get close with someone again - I guess it will take time and the longer we have it the more okay we will be with it? That's what I am hoping anyway!


Sorry there's not much advice in this, just wanted to message and let you know your not alone in how you feel about all of this - I worry that the medication won't work for me either (when I'm finally allowed it again).


I have just been really focussing on myself, and doing things I enjoy and trying not to get caught up on feeling down about relationships etc.


get some table salt and pour a shit tonne in a bath and lay in it - it will soothe any sores and I think it helps them heal quicker. See what this new doctor says, but honestly, I think a lot more people suffer frequent outbreaks than doctors realise?


Hope you are okay,

Katy xxx

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thanks @KOB16. I know its supposed to get better of time, so hopefully it's just a waiting game. It's hard when I read all these horror stories on the internet who have had it a few years and still getting frequent outbreaks. So it's easy to get caught in a cycle over stress about that which is probably making the current outbreak worse.


It's weird, because when I first got this my first anxiety was, will anybody even want to have sex or a relationship with me if I have herpes? And I really feel a lot less of that after reading many of the stories on this site and elsewhere - I know it's not a dealbreaker for a lot of people. But I now feel like I'm just anxious over whether it will even be possible for me, functionally, to have sex - if I'm breaking out all the time and responding so easily to triggers such as sex (and the stress that tends to surround sex and relationships).


I'll try that bath salt thing though, thanks for the advice. And appreciate feeling less alone in it, if you're dealing with something similar.








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