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Everything is going to be okay

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I found out I have GHSV1 in June of this year. When I was diagnosed, I felt like my world was crumbling beneath me- so cliche but so true. The day I got tested but hadn't gotten my results back yet, I called my most recent ex-boyfriend to tell him it was a very real possibility that I had herpes. He comforted me and told me everything would be okay. I didn't know at the time that this was my very first disclosure conversation. And it was a success. Even so, after I found out, I spent about three weeks crying and feeling sorry for myself. I spent a lot of time telling myself that I was worthless and disgusting. But then it happened- I got annoyed with my crying and my pessimism. I got pissed off that society was telling me I was unworthy of love and everything else I wanted out of life. And at the end of August, August 26th to be exact and I swear I'll never forget the day, the guy I've been spending the last year and some change with asked me why I'd been avoiding him. I told him- through text, which I don't necessarily recommend. I hit send and felt like vomiting. I waited for the dots on my iPhone to pop up, thinking, "he wouldn't leave me hanging like this...." And he didn't. He responded. And he said the best thing: "when I learn more about it, and you feel comfortable, I'm not opposed to this." I remember the first time I hugged him after those couple months, I remember thinking: this is something I never thought would happen again. Disclosure conversation #2: beautiful success.


Today, almost four months after my diagnosis, I was upstairs in my best friend's apartment and an acquaintance of mine said (while watching a Chris Brown music video), "Rihanna gave him herpes." My stomach dropped. The conversation wasn't over and he went on to say, "so disgusting." All I could muster up was, "wow not cool guys, you shouldn't talk about herpes like that." His friend joined in and said," it's gross. You should tell people if you have that." Only a half true statement. My friends that know backed me up. My best friend jumped in with the facts I'd told her. The boys left and I felt the same way I did when I first found out.


But it's not four months ago anymore. I'm stronger. Screw this stigma. Tonight I am sad. But tomorrow? I won't be.

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