Old viewpoints vs. new viewpoints

[gargatron468]

I just had the most ridiculous discussion with my mother on the phone re: me being about to disclose to a new partner, and I wanted to share. (A bit of background: My mother, in her 60s, knows I have GHSV-2, and when I told her I was diagnosed, she said she had it too, with outbreaks, and didn't tell my dad until after they were married.)

 

Me: Mom, I really like this guy, which means I need to have that uncomfortable herpes discussion with him soon.

 

Mom: Why do you need to tell him?

 

Me: Because I have to. We've been over this. It's the right thing to do, and besides that, it's an actual misdemeanor in my state.

 

Mom: But you don't have any outbreaks!

 

Me: Correct, but that doesn't make me not contagious.

 

Mom: But you don't have any outbreaks. I don't see why you have to say anything. Besides, we didn't tell in the 1970s, and we turned out fine.

 

Me: It's the right thing to do, mom.

 

Mom: You're just making it unnecessarily hard for yourself. You're going to scare him away with all your clinical talk and statistics. Why do you have to say anything?

 

Me: And what's going to happen when I have this guy over and he finds my bottle of Valtrex?

 

Mom: You can tell him then.

 

Me: Are you serious?!?! Mom, the person who gave it to me didn't say anything. Do you think it's fair to do that to somebody else and not let them make that choice?

 

Mom: I don't know. You do whatever you feel is right, but I don't think you need to say anything.

 

Me: OK, I'm hanging up now...

 

Can anyone help me understand this viewpoint? I'm definitely going to disclose, but I'm having a hard time getting support from my parents because they honestly feel like I don't have to as an asymptomatic carrier! It's crazy. Maybe I should just stop talking to them about this?

 

 

[optimist]

@gargatron468 My medical provider feels the same way, but that's at odds with societal expectations. I think you just need to do what you feel is right. You're the person living with the consequences, not your mom.

 

I wish you the best of luck! FWIW, I've found most prospective partners to be fine with it. (((HUGS)))