Past Partners

[recentpositive123]

Ok, so I've recently been diagnosed; with a blood test, that I've tested positive for both HSV1 and HSV2 within the last week. With the research I've done on my own in the last week, I'm guessing that I've probably had HSV1 for decades (I'm a 47yr old male), and more than likely I'm thinking I've had HSV2 for years?? I've never had an initial or terrible OB. Looking back, I guess I'd had some minor symptoms years ago that I brushed off as something else, since they went away fairly quickly and never caused any pain. The only reason I got a blood test and know that I'm positive, is that this person I was with for the last year and a half discovered she was positive and informed me. We aren't together as a couple currently, but are supporting each other through this, which is comforting. My problem is, how far do I go back and let former partners that I have tested positive?? During the last two years, I've only been with one other person besides this woman I had been with for the last year and a half, and the other person was just like 3 weeks ago. Anyway, with the possibility that I've had this virus for possibly the last 3 or 4yrs, with not knowing it, I'm terrified that I've passed this virus on to others without knowing, and feel this huge amount of guilt right now since testing positive. While I want to do the right thing, I also want to deal with this in my own way, and keep my privacy until I AM ready to possibly tell family or close friends about this, if ever. Obviously I would let any future partners know before there would be any sexual contact, but should I let past partners know?? If so, how far do I go back?? Being that it seems nobody can absolutely be sure for certain when they came in contact with the virus. I just don't want to cause others undue stress by telling them, and I also don't want them freaking out and telling people that I may have infected them, I mean nobody knows how someone is going to react to being told this. I want to do the right thing, but I also want to look out for me, and deal with this on my terms, not be dictated how I'm going to deal with it by someone else. I hope this all makes sense, I've been going through an emotional roller coaster this last week, some days are good and others not so much....I'm sure I'll have many more questions to post on here, but for now, this is the one I hope someone who's been through this can help me with.

[HikingGirl]

Hi, @recentpositive123, and welcome! I also have HSV1 and HSV2, and have had both a long time but didn't realize it. I also never had an initial outbreak. Your experience is quite common!

 

Personally, I would not go back further than two years. You didn't know, no one has come to you with an issue, and if they have it, they could have easily gotten it from someone else.

 

As for the recent encounter, I'd probably say something, especially if you're still in contact, but again, there might be situations where I wouldn't. If it was one night, the chances of her acquiring it are very low. If I thought she was going to tell the world, I wouldn't say anything.

 

When I got diagnosed last year, I told the guy I was seeing long-distance at the time. I also told my ex-husband, since we were married 15 years and had only split a year earlier. I told him by e-mail, just made it very matter of fact, and attached a couple of Adrial's handouts. Amazingly enough, my ex-husband tested negative for both. Mr. Long-Distance, who was initially very supportive but later cooled things off, also tested negative.

[recentpositive123]

Thank you for the response @HikingGirl. The more I have thought about it, I wasn't going to go back years and inform past partners, I think you're right, no need, I was more concerned with this most recent encounter. It was only a one time thing recently, but we have been together a handful of times over the years. I'm hesitant to say something, because I'm fearful of how she will react and people she may tell, we both know a lot of the same people. My worry was if I did decide not to say something, things could come back to me further down the road, and the possibility her infecting someone else unknowingly....but again, what are the chances of her being exposed over this last one time encounter?? I honestly just want to keep this between me and my former partner, so we can help each other through this, as right now we only have each other to talk to.

 

[HikingGirl]

I get it. When you're still processing the diagnosis, the thought of telling someone else is scary as hell. It took six weeks for me to get up the guts to tell my ex.