I MIGHT have herpes(since 2014), and honestly i've been scared about it.

[LumaFaithInvader]

I never had any symptoms before I lost my virginity at 14(I'm 18 now), so the piece of shit who I thought I was in love with must've been the one to give me it. I've never had any diagnosis because I refuse to have my name in a record of people who have herpes because then I'll be really fucked for life, but I feel like I have it since it's still happening and all the symptoms I have match up to having herpes.

 

I've never told anyone in my life that I (might) have herpes, and this is my first time even posting about it after constantly feeling depressed about it since 2014, plus I'm using a way different username than I usually use, because I'm somewhat well known on the internet and I don't want anyone seeing me talking about having herpes.

 

I'm in love with someone and I refuse to tell them I might have herpes because I don't wanna scare them off, but at the same time I don't wanna ruin their life like my ex ruined mine. I've thought about killing myself and I still think about it, because literally nobody's gonna wanna be with me after finding out about me having herpes. They'd never be able to look at me the same again if I mentioned about having herpes, and I'd never be able to have sex again.

 

Although my herpes breakouts aren't really bad(besides my ass being fucked up for life because of a few skin lesions and pimples(it's not like my ass is filled with them, there's just a very few big fuck-ups), I still think constantly about it and I needed to get this off my chest. I just wanna be free and live my life in peace, and I wish there was a cure for herpes so I could be somewhat normal again(I have other problems but it's not an STD, it's a mental illness I was diagnosed with when I was 3 (Asperger's Syndrome)), although I'll never truly be normal.

[HikingGirl]

Welcome, @LumaFaithInvader. It was about this time last year when I was seriously contemplating suicide too. (Alas, I don't trust my ex-husband to care for our senior golden retriever, so I stuck around and I'm so glad I did.) I admire your courage for sharing your thoughts with us. Many of us have felt or still feel much of what you described. I'm glad you are here.

 

P.S. There is some good news I can share: No one is normal. :-) Not really. Everyone feels abnormal or alone or shame about something...usually many things!