Trying to learn how to deal with herpes and carry on with my life

[sweet_singer_90]

hey everyone!

 

I just got diagnosed about 5 weeks ago. I'm a pretty strong person and at first it didn't phase me too much, I just accepted it and moved on.. ( I'm sure I was in the denial stage)..but now its really starting to hit home.

 

I had a nice/supportive boyfriend at the time of diagnosis, so that made it easier to swallow the medicine. But now we've recently broke up and all the pent up emotions in me have let loose..

 

I'm so afraid I won't find someone new who will accept my condition, I know a lot of people say "don't worry about it, someone will come along and love you for you"..blah, blah, blah..but it all seems just so far fetched..

 

Before I acquired Herpes, If I met someone who had it and wanted an intimate relationship with me I don't think I would be able to say yes, no matter how much I like them :( I'm just scared the same will happen to me.

 

I'd rather date someone who already has it so I don't have to deal with the fear of spreading it to someone new, but I also don't want to be limited and feel like I'm stuck with only dating people who already have it and should just "settle for someone"..

 

I've been crying a lot lately, mostly at night when I wind down and my mind starts to wander. I'm not sure whats hitting me worse, the herpes or the breakup. I'm sure both have a lot to do with it.

 

I was already having self-esteem issues before Herpes, so it's like.. great, what next?

 

So far I've only had the one breakout, and it wasn't too, too bad. I'm hoping I'm one of the lucky ones who doesn't get anymore, but I feel thats a bit far fetched.

 

I'm trying to stay as positive as I can but right now I'm pretty bummed about the whole ordeal.

 

If anyone has any advice or help to people who are newly diagnosed I will for sure lend an open ear, even if it's to talk about your situation and have somone else help you through as well.

[lelani]

It's ok to be bummed out and have all those fears...you will be getting them now with the breakup. I have had it 7 months and have to say it was easier when i was dating someone with herpes than someone than without it. Breaking up with your boyfriend has kind of tipped you out of the safety net - being with him and being accepted meant you didn't have to think of those things...and now you do. We all do and you are being completely 'normal'.

 

I think its wonderful that not only are you thinking of how to best deal with this yourself you are also reaching out to others...I have to say i think this is a gift of herpes. We all deal with it differently but I think have all gone through the same emotions and fears. And it is so ok to cry...I did so much of it at the beginning and now only now and then I feel sad and anxious about it. I have had so many other things in my life that have caused the same emotion, different circumstances same shit so to speak.

 

Don't settle for someone...there are guys who will accept you. Right now I am not dating but had an ex lover (pre herpes) who has become a lover again...it's my fear and not his that holds me back but I have learned to be very creative lol. You don't have to have full sex to enjoy it...and he has learned that as well - herpes is teaching us both to be more open and definitely creative. He loves my honesty and I love his acceptance, not only of herpes but my fears about passing it on to him.

 

Yes I still have those fears and don't know if they will truly go away, I know my body very well and do everything to minimise the risk so any partner is less at risk with me that if they have sex with someone else really. The only difference between being laid up and feeling awful and being contagious between the Flu and herpes is with herpes you have the stigma of it being 'down there' - the odd time I have got the flu theres been nothing passionate happening either and we don't freak out about getting the flu each year(I'm hoping now H will appear as often as I get the flu - hardly ever!).

 

So a big hug, let yourself cry and know that yes you will be accepted again and you are worth it. x