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Disclosed (H) 3 weeks after intercourse

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Hey guys,


I engaged in sexual intercourse over an entire weekend away on vacation. I did not disclose that I am HSV-2 positive. I am on suppressive Valtrex and keep my immune system in optimal health via diet, exercise etc. I finally told him (4 weeks later) that I am HSV-2 positive and its so hard to deal with this right now.


For starters, I was WRONG and I know I was wrong, which is why I had a conversation with him about it. I am lucky enough that he told me that he is not judging me, is not mad at me, does not hate me, etc. IMO, the fact that I selfishly and foolishly put his health at risk for pleasure and enjoyment is not right no matter how calmly he is reacting.


I still can't understand why on earth I didn't say anything -- I was coming out of a long-term relationship, so maybe I thought he wouldn't be attracted to me? I don't know, but it was so fucking careless. He's a great guy and he's willing to move passed this (if I didn't infect him...) <-- he didn't specify that it'd be if I didn't infect him, but I can only imagine how he would feel. I betrayed him, and yes I am on suppressive medication, but that doesn't make it a 100% chance that he'll be okay.


I feel horrible right now. I know this could have been so much easier if I just disclosed it. What makes it worse is that he said "I know I'm fine, Are you?" And I said "Yes". Which was not true -- being on suppressive meds does not make me "fine" and furthermore, does not make it okay. I do not know if I can even forgive MYSELF, let alone hope that this guy does. He has already said that he forgives me because I'm human and its really hard, but he is disappointed. He said he needs some time to digest it all, but that we should keep our communication open. I don't even know what to say to him. I ruined a good thing before it even happened. If anything, all I can do is take this as a lesson and hope that when he goes to get his test done, it comes out negative. God I feel like such an asshole. I don't know what to do. I could have burned a bridge with a great person -- and when I think about it, would I forgive someone who did this to me? Wouldn't I feel betrayed? He understands that it is hard to have this conversation, but nonetheless is disappointed. Not mad, not angry, not spiteful, just disappointed. I am ranting and sure that this message sounds like I'm all over the place, but I truly am. Where did my morals go? What happened to caring about how your decisions can cause adverse reactions in other peoples' lives? I must have been in LaLa land. and now I am anywhere but there.


My heart hurts and I haven't slept so my body aches as well. I know that I can't really afford to punish myself in this way because I'm asking for a not-so-pleasant blister, but its so hard to forgive myself for something so wrong. I would say I have definitely learned a lesson. Selfishly, I want him to forgive me and hopefully we can keep pursuing this thing. We've kept in touch every single day since we've met, and although it has been a short period of time, we really have a great connection. Rant over. I just had to get it out there -- if anyone has gone through a similar moment, please respond.


Thanks for making it all the way to this point of this super long, repetitive rant.

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I got the virus from an ex that had it and never told me about it, it came out of his mouth after I was diagnosed, with the whole spiel of its very common blah bla... So the whole time I was in severe pain during my first outbreak he just stayed quite. I could never forgive him after that, he chose for me and didn't give me the option.

I know it's hard to disclose especially if you really like the person but if that person really likes you and aren't in for just a fling, they will accept you. I've always been honest in disclosing because I can't have them go through what I did. And if I get rejected that tells me right there that they weren't in it for the same reasons as me. You know hsv2 thought me so much about myself and I came to accept it and be ok with it.

Don't beat yourself over this, just learn from this mistake and move on.


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@alie34 thank you for your response. Your story is very helpful and I believe that hsv2 has taught me a lot about myself as well. The weird part is, I have disclosed it to people in the past and I have never had an issue aside from the initial surprised/shocked reaction sometimes. I don't know why I was so irresponsible, but I have taken this as a lesson to make sure I make myself accountable for my actions in any intimate moment -- I have to remember that the consequences are too high to get swept away in the romance of it all sometimes. I am taking it one day at a time and luckily he is still interested in speaking with me and has even mentioned wanting to fly over to the East Coast (from the West) to spend some time together. Hopefully we will be able to move on from this together, but if not, I am also prepared for that.

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And remember don't beat yourself over it if he changes his mind. I read somewhere once that H is like your wingman and I have totally embraced that. Whoever rejects you because of that and not see who you truly are as a person doesn't deserve you!

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