I don’t know how to be happy anymore

[Iwanttodie]

I feel like I am dying on the inside. It has always been hard to stay strong but as the years of went by living with this and being alone the more I just want to die. I’ve lived with this for 4 years I have been completely alone I don’t feel like anyone’s ever going to accept me with this. I read about success stories but whenever I meet someone I end it before it can become anything because I just don’t believe they will still like me once they know. How do I keep going in life when I want to die because I feel so alone and I can’t take it anymore

[MdV123]

How old are you? I had to do a disclosure last night to a man I care about. I used this article which I thought was really good....informative but not scary.

https://www.vox.com/platform/amp/2014/4/23/5628696/you-probably-have-herpes

 

Are you male or female? You should NEVER want to die. You are here for a reason. So many people with a much larger cross to bear than ours find reason to go on living or to fight to live. Children with terminal diseases, burn victims, etc. You have to DECIDE that you are going to pursue happiness. It is a choice completely independent of your circumstances. Get up and go find someone to help. Disclose fearlessly. If they don’t like it that’s their loss. Contracting herpes has helped me to focus on these very things. Good luck to you!

[Iwanttodie]

I’m 21 and a female. I really appreciate your words and the article. I know a lot of people in the world have way more serious and harder issues. I try to stay optimistic and believe that one day maybe someone can accept me for me and like me even with the risk.. I just have a hard time believing anyone my age is gonna want to take that chance. But it helps a lot knowing that I’m not completely alone and there are success stories out there. I just have to believe

[MdV123]

You NEVER NEVER know what the future holds. Anything can happen. You might meet the man of your dreams one day who has HSV also! Life turns on a dime. For the bad AND for the good! You ARE going to be okay. The new you has to be smarter about her choices. That’s what learning is all about. When you know better you do better. Now you know better. Protect yourself. There are worse things out there than HSV! A lot worse.

[RegularGuy]

You definitely did the right thing for yourself by trying to talk about your situation.

What you're going through is not petty or unimportant.

But you deserve to feel excitment for the future, and comfort within your own head.

There are a few compounding factors which contribute to your struggle. Identify them, and decide to take action to change things. But also seek acceptance and love for yourself.

 

I know very well the struggle to accept one's self, flaws included.

For some people, acceptance and contentment come easier. For others, they need to hammer away at the rough edges they find in themself in order to earn their own love and respect. Most people fall between those categories.

Choosing to take on the life-long endeavor to accept yourself, earn your own respect, and to love yourself is generally not a simple thing. But, it leads to discovering not just how to earn someone else's love and respect, flaws included... It also leads to learning how to respect and love others. most importantly, it leads to learning that you do indeed deserve the love and respect of someone you care deeply for!

 

Herpes hasn't ruined some valuable part of you. It hasn't changed much, in fact.

You can be a good person. You can do good things. You can earn your own admiration, and you can earn the admiration of others, too.

 

I would recommend that you take a look at the things you hope for, the things you fear, and the things that make you feel excitment for the future.

These are the most important things to you and you can affect them. In turn, they will affect you.

Start by choosing to do something to reward youself. Something you don't count on anyone else for. Maybe something that you have held back from because you were seeking a better time, or saving for a special occasion. Make a plan to do that thing soon. Look forward to it. Be excited to do it. You will start to feel like there must be other things to look forward to, and to be excited about. There certainly are plenty of those things!

While you are in the process of generating excitement for the near future, commit to earning your own admiration so that you can feel good about continuing to feel excitment for the future.

Personally, I recommitted myself to going to the gym. Weightlifting is an important honby to me, nearly religious. I'll never set a world record, and I'll never be as strong as I want to be. But it makes me feel like myself. It helps me to reapect myself. It gathers my chi, my life force.

You have at least one hobby or one facet of your routine that can do the same for you. You can use it as your personal gauge to evaluate your worth to yourself. Not by comparison to anyone else, but strictly internally.

Do that. Give yourself permission to feel proud of yourself for what you accomplish!

You'll see that you are very much worthy of admiration, especially your own.

 

When you know that you have reason to look forward to a positive future, and that you are worthy of your own respect, challenge yourself to hope for better. Strive for goals that you can put a reasonable deadline on. Encourage yourself to try hard, and risk failure, knowing that even failure places you well within your realm of respect and admiration.

 

Then, endeavor to learn what kind of person deserves your love and respect.

Chances are, that person is smart, strong, capable and desireable, just like you.

Give no ground on that pursuit. Commit yourself to refusing to settle for a person who simply "accepts your condition". Settle only for a person who ignites your admiration, and who readily recognizes how valuable you are.

Do you stack up with that person?

You might not think so now, but I assure you that you deserve no less.

I know it without any doubt, because I know that you are deserving of your own respect and admiration. Because you are worthy of having contentment inside your own head. Because you are capable of kindness, integrity, compassion, and passion. And there is nothing that a person who is also worthy of your respect and admiration could desire more.

 

If you choose to aknowlede your fears, your hopes, and your perspective about the future. If you choose to engage those things with tenacity and integrity. If you really test yourself and evaluate your performance based on your own internal criteria.

You find out that you are capable, intelligent, desirable, and worthy.

 

Maybe you haven't already seen it. Maybe you forgot. Maybe you've been struggling for so long that you never got a chance to see it. It's hard to infer from a the few paragraphs you've written.

But I know you can give yourself permission to find out.

You deserve the chance. As many chances as you need.

Being so young, your criteria will probably change, and your self-image will probably change, too. That's why this is an endeavor, a pursuit. Because it will probably never end.

I'm 30, and I find I need to earn my own respect every day.

I take pride in it now. I enjoy proving to myself that I am worthy of my own admiration. In the struggle to do so, I inadvertently earn the admiration of the people closest to me. And that feeds a powerful fire in me, to keep struggling toward the things most important to me. It makes my day to day a challenge and an adventure.

Not all the time, but I like to think of it that way.

It's a lot more exciting than just bushing my teeth, going to work, and calling my mom sometimes.

But some days, that's all it takes.

[MdV123]

Regular Guy....bravo! You helped me too with this post! Thank you!