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My girlfriend, oh, she is so much more than that. My best friend, my soul mate, my human diary. She is my everything. We've known each other since early high school. Kept in contact ever since. As the time from high school until now progresses we date people. Have breakups. Talk with each other. Suppress feelings that we were scared to tell each other. I wind up dating this girl that I work with. It lasts for about 6 months. Long enough for her to get comfortable and start to reveal who she really is, which is someone that I do not want as a partner. I break it off. My high school sweetheart and I start dating. Two weeks go by and my ex-calls me to tell me that she is pregnant. My high school sweetheart breaks up with me but we remain close friends. Just as close. I am able to understand why she broke up with me. Anyway, I am single and find myself in a very expensive legal battle with the mother of my child over custody. Fast forward and my son is now two years old. He is happy. Healthy. Absolutely wonderful. My high school sweetheart and I start dating again. WIN! Until... We live kind of far from each other. So this past weekend I spend it all with her. Friday to Monday. We engage in all sorts of activities. Sunday she tells me to be careful. She's hurting in a certain spot. I look at it to remember to avoid the area. I didn't see anything there, just redness. Anyway, Monday comes. Tuesday comes. Wednesday comes. So does Thursday. Only this day... this particular Thursday is the one that changes everything. She has a fever. Sick. Really really REALLY in pain. She makes a doctors appointment and it is there that the doctor tells her that she, the doctor, believes that she (my sweetheart) has Herpes. I'm at work. She texts me. My world spins. Shock and disbelief course through me. How could I be carrying that? How could I infect her like that? I've had no symptoms. No signs. But, neither do a lot of men. I think back to the mother of my child. Is she infected? Did she give it to me? What about our son?


My sweetheart is devastated. And rightly so. She is so angry with me that the word angry isn't good enough to describe how she feels. She and I are both young. Her a few months younger than me. She already has Celiacs. Her life so young, but for the rest of it, she will have poor health. This OB that she is going through is making her cry from pain. She continues to text me. She speaks nicely. Doesn't yell at me or curse at me. She is concerned for her future. For the children that we wanted to have in our future.


I feel like the biggest piece of shit in this galaxy. Why did I not just get tested after being with the mother of my child? This could have been prevented. My sweetheart means so much to me. EVERYTHING to me. And it KILLS me that she is in so much pain and that I am the cause of it. It kills me. I went and got tested last night. We should have the results in a few days but that's really just a formality. I wanted to commit suicide. I don't deserve to be on this planet anymore. Not after what I did to her. The love of my life. My moon and stars. My light. But if I were to, I would be leaving her behind. Leaving her alone to deal with this. Leaving my son without a father. I can't. I won't.


I am hoping that the medicine she has will act quick and she won't be in so much pain. I hope that one day she can forgive me. And I hope that one day I can share two beautiful children with her. Until then... well. We will see.

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She just got the call earlier today that it is Herp1. She is thinking that she and I will no longer have children unless we adopt. I took care of her this weekend because her OB was terrible. I am still waiting on my call. She said that it might be a long time before she ever forgives me. I said I would be surprised if she ever does. I know I wont forgive myself.

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@PLtoJD Doll!! Take a deep breath!! HSV1 is something 90% of people have!! Some people have it orally, some genitally and some in both places. This is not the end of your world, or her world and this will certainly not keep her or you from having children.


I remember I thought my life was over when I first got HSV1 when I was 21 years old. It was the worst week of my entire life... but it passed. It passed and I didn't have any issues with the exception of a cold sore here or there for the next 15 years.


Everyone is different, but there's a good chance that after your girlfriend finishes her first outbreak, that she may NEVER have another one again.


Just breathe... everything will be ok. You can both educate yourselves, learn about the virus and together you can support each other and encourage each other to live healthy lives.

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