Where to start?

[LJ1209]

Hi all - brand new to all of this. And my thoughts are jumbled and just need to get stuff off my chest.

 

I wasn’t feeling right last week and was very uncomfortable sitting and walking. I had just had a lot of sex in a short amount of time with the guy I’ve been dating and thought I should get checked out on Thursday. My doctor was doing her exam and immediately found the areas of discomfort and explained she had some concerns. She even had another dr come in to give a second opinion, as the culture was going to hurt. She said the word “herpes” and I immediately started crying.

 

Checking everything out that night on my own, my heart sank. I had no idea what it looked like but I knew that’s what it was. That night I got a skin colored bump on the outside, which made me feel worse. That bump then formed a white head. Saturday morning my test results became available online and it was positive. Not certain as to what type. I didn’t cry - I think it was just confirmation of what I already knew.

 

I’ve been living with my sister and her husband, since my break up with my boyfriend of 6 years in January, and they have been nothing but supportive. My sister is my rock right now and has been trying to keep my thoughts in perspective - telling me I’ll be fine/ that a lot of people don’t know they have it/ etc. I told the guy I’ve been seeing for about 2 weeks, Friday before my test results came in. He was supportive and understanding. I’m waiting to see how long that lasts.

 

My emotions are up and down right now. I’m trying to read as much as I can to educate myself and others when needed.

I’m angry. I feel alone. I feel dirty and ashamed. That this is some karmic retribution for something...for being sexually active...for not being as careful as I should’ve been. On top of the emotions, I am trying to navigate my first OB. My bump went away and I was excited, but 2 more white head type things popped up, which caused a hard down of emotions this morning.

 

Any advice/support would mean a lot. As it’s the weekend, I haven’t been able to discuss everything with my doctor yet and hope that they will help set up a plan for continuing health and care.

 

 

[RegularGuy]

Good plan to seek support from a close relative and from your doctor.

Be sure to ask your doctor about suppression medicine like Valtrex or valacyclovir. It helps lessen symptoms and prevent future outbreaks when taken daily. It helped me a lot.

In the meantime, practice boosting your self image by trying to steer your thoughts toward things you like about yourself. Trust me, you haven't changed in any remarkable way.

It's natural to fear for having lost some kind of quality or ability you had before, and to fear for your future. I can assure you none of that has changed because of HSV.

Many of us have felt many of the things you are feeling. Emotional, mental, and physical. You will eventually find that it's all just a state of inner turmoil. That you are still good ol you, still capable, desireable and worthy of affection. Especially your own affection, I should add.

 

Don't dwell on thoughts of negativity or strife more than you have to. Try to do things that you've always done. Reach out if that gets difficult. Talk to people you care about, talk about HSV when you need to, distract yourself with conversation not about HSV when you need to.

 

When you start to physically recover, make a plan to do something special for yourself. Go somewhere, do something exciting. If you've been saving for a rainy day, this is that day. Look forward to it, and remember that there are a million more exciting things to look forward to.

 

Welcome to the club. Sorry you had to join.

We will be here if you need an anonymous, sympathetic ear, or some advice.

[Lighthouse3]

I'm so with you on this. My doc confirmed on Monday what my fears were. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you, and all of us really. Sending positive thoughts and healing your way!

[LJ1209]

Thank you RegularGuy. I keep repeating the montra that I am fine, it didn’t change who I am as a person. It just adds another layer to me. After reading the many posts on this site, my DR agreed to suppression therapy. I will be taking Valtrex daily and already started a regimen of vitamins to help boost my body up.

 

I am certainly grateful for all the support this site provides!

 

I am so sorry Lighthouse3. How are you doing with the news? Did you have an outbreak which prompted a visit to the doctor?

[RegularGuy]

@LJ1209

You seem to be pretty resillient in the first place and that will help to keep you on track with your goals and life in general. You absolutely can keep doing things the way you've always done them for the most part (showers and shaving might gain new steps and disclosure is a must). Don't discount the benefits of trying to throttle back a little on achievement if you feel like you need some time to relax and gather your thoughts. A day or two in R&R isn't going to throw off those big life goals.

[Lighthouse3]

LJ1209 I did. I feel like it's pretty awful right so definitely a first OB. My emotions are definitely all over the place. I think when it starts healing more I feel better. I hope you're feeling better today.

[LJ1209]

Same here. I have a good day and then it swings the other direction. Thankfully I am nearing the end of my OB (hopefully) after about 10 days or so...having that discomfort and pain go away certainly does wonders for the mental state and feel some what “normal” again.

Now it’s the continuing to move forward and await the next OB.

 

Reach out to me whenever! Even just to vent. It’s nice to talk to someone who is newly diagnosed as well.