More examples from the men please

[Idris Dee]

Hi first let me apologise if I come across as negative or ill mannered I'm still in the phase of anger and being pissed off.

Recently had a bad outbreak so found out I had herpes, I know who gave it to me as she admitted she had it and even though we used condoms I still got it and when I asked her why she didn't tell me (would not have slept with her if I knew, just being honest), she said she was drunk when she met me, even though I met her sober and we dated so was not a one night stand.

So been reading a lot of posts about people disclosing and what I have noticed is that most the stories are from women, in my opinion as a man I know that a good few men would sleep with a hot lady even if she had no limbs so saying the guy was understanding to me just goes over my head. I know from experience women not all but a lot I've encountered will reject you for far less, so I'm just not buying it or just seem to not accept that I will get any success in disclosing.

The woman I caught it from I dated months ago she told me months ago but I got tested well I thought I did as I said to the Doctor that she admitted she had it but I came back negative. Now I have been seeing a woman for about 5 weeks and as we are now really into each other (not been having sex) I suddenly get nonsense on bottom of my dick didn't even know what was going on and soon as it looked like my dick was melting I was straight to health clinic. First off it was ridiculous how hard it was to be seen and the way they just say oh well you have it cant do nothing so be on your way is a joke.

Now this lady I'm seeing is kinda hinting she wants sex and this Saturday so not long left, now I'm banging my head thinking how best to tell her and I know I wouldn't have it so I'm like yeah she wont so now I feel even more pissed as this is the best woman I've ever dated or even met and she has all the qualities one would ask for in a partner. I've told one person who said  and have read that if she leaves then she wasn't worth it but guess what she bloody is and I'm the one that is tainted, I may as well be a bloody zombie as that's how I feel.

I read one post and the woman made a bloody good argument if we have this almighty duty to disclose then why the hell don't they test people routinely and make herpes more widely known and give people the ability to send mofo's to jail for this crap, here in the UK its near impossible to get any justice for this. A big part of me seriously is considering  keeping stum about this and just going about my business using protection and super dosing up on pills. You may say I'm evil but the fact people have this and don't know I don't see how that is different from someone who is taking mad precaution to not pass it on. 

I'm a good looking guy, i train in gym at least 5 days a week, I have a very good career and love bedroom time (not saying I'm a hoe), so this has all messed me up, I've recently just been missing gym, eating like crap and dont concentrate at work so this is like a death sentence to me. I don't know I just saw this forum and thought I'd add and this is what came out so sorry if you think I'm nuts.

Thanks

 

[RegularGuy]

There are a million rationalizations and comfortable lies to tell yourself. Each of them temporary helps make you feel like doing wrong is okay.

But each person has a right to consent, including in situations that could effect their well-being or their own view of themself. Taking that right away is no different from sexual abuse of any other kind.

Do you have the power to manipulate and hurt people?

Yep. Everyone does.

Can you rationalize and make excuses that help you feel comfortable with manipulation and abuse?

Yep. Everyone can.

Wasting all that effort to make yourself comfortable with hurting other people is a damn shame. You could expend all that thinking and all that planning on trying to do something good for yourself (or better, someone else, too).

You've got some internal struggle with regaining your pride and your self-image. That might be a big challenge, but it's one worth engaging.

Hurting someone else because you've found a way to be comfortable with it isn't going to help you respect yourself, or be comfortable in your own skin again. In fact, it's going to sabotage any chance you will have at finding some happiness.

You don't have some Godly charge to tell anyone about your diagnosis. But you do have the choice not to hurt people, destroy your own self-respect and ruin opportunities for happiness in the process.

It's not all about the other people you effect. A big part of it is giving yourself a fighting chance to not have to feel sub-human over a medical condition.

If your real concern is rejection, and this will be bluntly honest.

Tough. Deal with it. Plenty of people deal with plenty of rejection without a medical diagnosis. If herpes is the only factor interfering with your sex life, count yourself lucky. You deserve to be able to see yourself as a desireable, valuable person. If you can't, why should anyone be a victim to your pretense or omissions?